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The son studies in 2 - m a class. The psychologist is anxious with his behavior at lessons...

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  • Lena 06. 02. 99 22:59:56 Help
    ! The son studies in 2 - m a class. The psychologist is anxious with his behavior at lessons. According to all tests the child is aimed at study, but at lessons is absolutely passive. The psychologist says that it is necessary to stimulate study process with payment for each assessment, type an assessment of “5“ - 5 rub; ots.“ 4“ - 4 rub; if “2“ - give 5 rub back. How you think - it is correct? I suffer in doubts. Maybe someone faced such problem. Thanks in advance for the answer.
    • Irina 07. 02. 99 0:18:07
      Dear Lena! A problem of intellectual passivity - one of the sharpest at younger school. What was recommended by the psychologist, the loony answers an opredelennm. to the direction. To you to choose - whether we accept this or that way. And how you show the intellectual activity of the house? Begin from banal - discussion of books. visits of bookstore if you before it did not do. Whether the value of knowledge is emphasized in your family? Whether your child on educational activity is motivated - whether he why it is necessary in life, whether opredelyayushche knows it for you? Only avoid general phrases and hypocrisy, be specific. Than your son does in the spare time whether he reads houses, whether you read at him? With pleasure I will continue the begun conversation, the psychologist, the teacher of psychology of faculty of initial classes of the Samara teachers training university Irina K.
  • Lena 07. 02. 99 21:09:34
    Irina! Many thanks for the answer. The son reads much, we go to the museums, theaters, then long we discuss either the book, or a picture which was pleasant or was not pleasant, or a performance. But at school, it is closed, passive at a lesson, does not raise a hand even if knows the answer. The psychologist from school says that he is ready for study completely, t. e on a question “Why you go to school?“ he answers “to study and gain knowledge“. Only recently found out that it has a fear of making the Wrong answer. Probably from here and all the rest. In a family the question on - an occasion of the higher education bsuzhdatsya more than once. It has a dream, he wants to be a microsurgeon as his grandfather. But what with it happens in school? It very much disturbs me. Can replace to us school?
    • Marrying 08. 02. 99 0:21:58 Me it seems to
      that it makes sense to change school only if there is a threat that the child will be kept in the same grade i.e. if he cannot study at all. And if it can be interrupted with 3 on 4, then it is possible to wait for the termination of elementary school, and then to translate, just during this time it is possible to pick up other, more suitable, but not too expensive school. Whether can be that in your family too seriously treat intellectual development of the child? See to how you speak of people as at the child you characterize the acquaintances. Whether the feeling is created at the child that there is no bigger shame, than to talk nonsense nonsense, to show the incompetence? We often tell each other about how someone from acquaintances “made a mistake“, children hear it, but we know that despite punctures we can respect and love this person, and the child - that does not know it, he sees that laugh at mistakes, he will not be better to prove, than will give a cause for such jokes. Why it is shown at school, but not houses? Whether yes because he already learned from the first word to determine by your reaction in the direction correct (in your opinion) his thought develops. Adapted already, and in a class also the teacher, all different is a lot of schoolmates. Terribly. Perhaps, all not so, it it is quite simple to check, for example, wonder, your opinion on a picture is how frequent, books does not coincide with opinion of the child, how often he manages to incline you on the party.
  • Lena 08. 02. 99 22:58:55
    Marrying! Thank you. The matter is that children that the senior that younger never tried will overpersuade in their opinion on the book or a picture, a performance. We with the husband always very attentively listened to their point of view, even then, when they were absolutely kids. They got used that with them we treat as adults, we consult on them, or we discuss together with them. And here at school... The senior, as it became clear, “soul“ of the company. But here at lessons... He studies at paid school where 13 people in a class, an individual approach, magnificent teachers, a house situation. Though I understand that the family will not replace the best school. BUT WHAT to DO to me I DO NOT KNOW. Or to listen to opinion of the psychologist and “to stimulate“ study of the son by means of money? Thanks to all who responded and supported.
    • Marrying 08. 02. 99 0:41:35
      Lena, and can be your child just not really understands rules of the game “in school“? In general, there are problems at the children developed, but who are not able to observe subordination, not understanding sense of estimates, i.e. naturally not of persons interested to understand as the relations in such strange place as school are under construction. Though, the child can and understands, but has not a gut feeling. And it can be just boring for it and it is necessary to translate fast it through a class? And, by the way, how he explains you a situation at school? He considers that everything is normal or to it inconveniently? He wants to replace school? You know, I in the first classes had a half of troyak. Then there were many teachers, someone was pleasant, it became awkward to receive bad marks, to 5 - mu to a class there was only one four, and proceeded, except for “ud“ on behavior. Mother to me when there were three, spoke so: the mediocre pupil - as the diagnosis, the rare teacher will put 5, seeing that the others put 3. It is necessary to be or an inveterate dvoyechnitsa or a horoshistka, excellent students and mediocre pupils - a show poor: dullness and celebration of a wide bottom. (let excellent students do not take offense, probably mother just wanted to save me from complexes since knew to what I am lazy). Helped, even I remember still, it is necessary...
    • Irina 09. 02. 99 20:42:18
      Dear Lena! I am sincerely glad. that there are parents who were so interested in life and difficulties of the child! It is possible that it is about so-called“ school uneasiness“, connected with fear to make a mistake, to be “not that“ whom adults want, to be mocked. Fear to make a mistake when performing milk. back. it is connected with a pedantry of parents who dramatically treat mistakes. Respectively. if business shakes school answers, it is necessary to know how it reacts (and as reacted) the teacher on incorrect answers of children. It is possible that from - for specific features of nervous system the child is not in time behind rate of poll of the teacher who does not wait. tears off children. 2 - 3 multiple repetitions of a similar situation are enough. Here, of course. sovmetny work of parents, teachers, the psychologist is necessary. By the way, by experience znanyu that teachers seldom recognize the mistakes. Remember that school fears and uneasiness not only deprive of the child of pleasure. comfort, but also conduct to neurosises. I recommend you the author whose all works are devoted to children`s neurosises - A. I. Zakharova. Also I recommend you article M. And. Kamburova “Correction of fears and uneasiness at younger school students with use of metaphors“ in the collection “Possibilities of Practical Psychology in Education“ / Under the editorship of N. S. Burlachuk, M., 1998. The collection is fresh. it can be found in the shops specializing on the loony. litas - re. This remarkable article, I used this method in work with own child, though I do not recognize this direction in psychotherapy for adults. Concerning change of school - you do not hurry. but also do not throw this problem. It is necessary to change not school, and the teacher. Criteria - goodwill, TOLERANCE, and rare, but not so banal LOVE OF CHILDREN. I hope for your success in a solution. I will add that to the parent quite on forces to cope with her. Yours faithfully, Irina.
    • Svetlana 10. 02. 99 11:42:18
      Dear Irina! I with a great interest read your comments about a situation with the child of Lena though such I have no problems yet - my son is 3,5 years old. I would like to ask your opinion here about what: my son having drawn or having constructed something, asks whether his work was pleasant to me. I, of course, praise it when it is required, we together discuss as as it would be possible to make differently. It would seem - everything clearly, but the child, having even already heard my assessment, several times repeats the question. Often in such situation he uses such form: “You did not even expect that I so will manage?“ How to answer the last question competently? Sometimes I say that I and did not assume that he already so well learned something. Sometimes - I say that just, on the contrary, I know that it already big and a lot of things are healthy, it is even better than me, is able, and it very much pleases me. Disturbs me whether mean similar questions of my boy of too big dependence on my assessment or in general estimates of other people?
    • Irina 10. 02. 99 13:59:10
      Svetlana! Your fears absolutely of a napravsna, though are quite natural. The reason of such behavior of your child - the introduction in a stage of intensive development of the personality, first of all, developments of consciousness, a self-assessment, level of claims. I just often see results of the wrong relation to this situation when parents, for the good, as it seems to them to accustom the child to severe living conditions (“Then they on a back will not be patted“) or developing ability “Crucially“ to treat the activity, constantly point out the defects. The result - is widespread and deplorable. Most of our compatriots, unfortunately, - people with deep feeling of fault and inferiority. It is normal that the child looks for confirmations to the progress and it is normal. that at parents. You will be at it a reference point in life for a long time (and who?) . Of course. it is necessary to teach the child to see mistakes in the activity (but not shortcomings of the personality). If you are afraid to overpraise, act according to the scheme “praise, an otmtka of positive-analysis (joint) some defects-again the generalizing praise“. Though I consider that, estimating sincerely and fairly, it is impossible to overpraise. The main thing - not to generalize and in kriticheky estimation of activity not to pass to critical estimation of the personality. It is important to express confidence and in further success, that it good, kind, skillful, remarkable and, of course, darling. With wishes of success in life to you and your son. Irina.