Rus Articles Journal

Heart fights, heart waits for

I began to think Of the second child approximately when to the daughter year was executed. Furtively glancing at the passing carriages with with pleasure snuffling babies, thought: “I want“. And right there drew aside herself: “But only not now“. The thought of stair-steppers caused in me shudder, there was a wish to grow the senior child to more - less age of reason.

When to Olechke was three years old, it went to a garden, and I for work. Some time rejoiced that the maternity leave came to an end, enjoyed the found freedom. Until, when once, on the way home, did not see young mother with the child on the street. Mother pushed with one hand a stroller, another - supported the one-year-old peanut. The kid ridiculously touched weak legs and with concentration “helped“ to carry a carriage.

Looking at this lovely picture, I as always thought:“ I want“. The following thought which visited me was new and unusual: “And why and not now?“

Came home, typed in ICQ the message to the husband: “How about the second?“ Received in reply short “uga“ and the smiling smilie.

here to me it became terrible

I. Lovely, touching pictures of infancy of my daughter right there disappeared from memory. In consciousness horrors of toxicosis, childbirth, sleepless nights, long house arrest, the escalated conflicts with the husband and with the mother-in-law loomed... I began to doubt. On Saturday we with the husband and the daughter went for a walk in park. While the husband rolled Olechka on a swing, I walked along a pond, trying to listen to the intuition. I want or do not want? Now or not now? I want. And now.

But, as they say, we assume

, and life has. In several weeks in the gynecologist`s office I heard the diagnosis “adneksit“ (an inflammation of appendages).

the Following half a year to me had to spend a great lot of money for antibiotics and other drugs, a great lot of time for physioprocedures, circulations on offices of doctors. And every month heard one:“ We continue treatment“. Doctors at first replaced one antibiotic with another, then decided that it is impossible to poison an organism more, passed to homeopathy. One physioprocedures were replaced with others, then with the third. But the result of treatment was not - all painful symptoms remained.

So proceeded from month to month. On the Internet I constantly came across articles that the prolonged inflammation of appendages most often leads to infertility, cried and thanked God for the fact that I already have at least one child.

during treatment doctors categorically did not recommend to become pregnant - frightened by various complications. In particular, extra-uterine pregnancy. Girlfriends advised me to stop visits to a maternity welfare unit and in eager rivalry recommended private doctors, paid clinics, the medical centers with modern diagnostics. But after half a year of infinite expenditure of money, time and nerves I was unable to continue this “purgatory“. With thought “come what may“ it decided nevertheless to cease to be protected. Practically right after the decision embodiment in life I began to notice that to me there is something strange. It did not concern changes at the physical level. Just began to seem to me as if the world changed around - it was filled with new sounds, smells and paints. My state reminded euphoria as if I drank a glass of champagne.

I Remember

, I walked according to the prospectus with mp - the 3rd player in ears. Villages on a shop in park near the fountain. And unexpectedly the fountain in my opinion began to sparkle in all flowers of a rainbow. Growing on a bed it is white - pink roses seemed to me made of crystal - such bright, is transparent - poured they were. The picture before my eyes was so joyful and festive that reminded me prompt of wedding video filming: flowers, fountains, music - everything plays and sparkles. How many times I walked before in this park - similar noticed nothing.


For some reason during this period the special pleasure was given by washing of a window in the apartment (though I very much do not love all types of cleaning, and washing of windows in our family - the husband`s duty). But it turns out how it is exciting to observe how on your eyes dirty, muddy glass becomes transparent, foliage behind a window unexpectedly it becomes bright - green, and the sky is bright - blue... At my usual dislike for cleaning new addiction suggested to me an idea: “Something with me not that...“


it is Still remembered that then I very much liked to feed pigeons - fed them directly from hands. And, putting a roll piece in a beak of a bird, by all means made a wish. And still very much liked to listen to modulating children`s laughter on platforms.

So there passed month... On Saturday after a lunch I played with Olechka on a carpet in a drawing room. At first played board games, then just embraced and stirred. I listened to lovely chatter of the daughter and... Before eyes pictures from her early childhood unexpectedly began to emerge. As if yesterday it was: in the same room, on the same rug I taught the baby to turn over and creep behind a rattle, showed pictures in books, collected for it a pyramid and built turrets of cubes. Little Olechka clapped a palm on a turret - cubes were scattered, and the baby roared with happy laughter...

- Descend behind the test for pregnancy, - I addressed the husband.


- and itself was surprised. In - the first, monthly had to come today. Did not begin yet, but for me several days of a delay - quite admissible fluctuation. Was going to do the test not earlier, than in a week.

In - the second, I remembered that according to the instruction the test needs to be done early in the morning, and now four o`clock in the afternoon.

Nevertheless I persistently repeated the request.

- Wait for

. But you said that you will do the test in a week, - the husband was surprised.

- Is not present

, I will make it now.

- But now day, and it is necessary to do early in the morning...

- Is not present

, now! - I continued to insist.

- the Sun... But we were going to go for a walk now. On the way back I will buy you the test, and in the morning we will make it.

- you do not hear

what I tell you? - I began to lose patience. - You will buy the test now, I will show you two strips, and after that we will go for a walk (the phrase about two strips escaped at me absolutely involuntarily).

- Well, wait... Early still to do the test...

- Yes well you! - having hopelessly waved a hand, I ran in a drugstore.

On the road all thought - why, really, so to get excited? The test, most likely, will show nothing in the first day of a delay moreover after a lunch.

- Tests for pregnancy are? - by the shivering voice I addressed the druggist.

That smiled to

and showed on a show-window. I consider. And what is so expensive? In other drugstores, probably, cheaper... I will go, still I will look. But I feel that patience on an outcome. I stretch money and at full speed I run home.

Having done necessary manipulations, attentively I examine the test. There is one strip, then, practically at once, the second. As they say, as was to be shown.

I Leave a bathroom, solemnly I stretch the test to the husband with words: “Well what I told you!“ We joyfully laugh, embrace, we congratulate each other. The daughter decides to take part in the general turmoil - too runs to embrace to us, we fall on a sofa and we arrange “I booze to Mull“.

Further while we with the husband recovered for pleasure, Olechka found left on a table a strip - a strip. Having imagined that it is the toy thermometer (the test with two strips indeed reminded the thermometer from a children`s naborchik), began to take temperature to the toy animals. In my attempt to take away (I tremblingly store the both positive tests for pregnancy in a casket) terribly took offense: “It is my thermometer! I take temperature to the sick hare, the neck hurts him! Give!“

in the Evening, on walk, we asked Olechka whether she wants the brother or the sister.

- Is not present

, - the daughter disappointedly stretched, - I do not want! I want a dog, present me her on birthday!

should tell

Here that an animation hit it had “A kid and Carlson“ during this period, and the favourite hero - the Kid who looked forward on birthday a shchenochka as a gift.

... At night I long could not fall asleep for nervousness. But morning of the next day was wonderful. Behind a window the warm June sun shone, birds sang, wind informed of a smell of the blossoming linden. I felt similar feeling the next morning after Olechki`s birth. Then in a window the genial summer sunshine shone too, singing of birds, a smell of flowers reached... And near my bed there was a cradle with the sleeping crumb. Here it, morning of new life...

, What was farther? Further the acquaintance on the first pregnancy severe toxicosis began - when from any smell spasms when for the whole day you cannot swallow anything begin, except water when almost all the time it is necessary to lie - because all attempts to accept vertical position most often come to an end with vomiting attacks. This time I could not even read and watch TV - the head right there began to be turned, and nausea drove to a throat. The simplification came only when I lay blindly and the knees which are drawn in under themselves. And lay the most part of time - having closed eyes and very much driving away from itself criminal thought: “Why I the second time decided on it?!“

Little Olechka unexpectedly like

understanding and sympathy for my situation. Constantly approached me, was interested as I feel, was not capricious and did not ask on hands. Always asked whether I was tired, whether it is heavy to me. If, playing, incidentally touched my stomach, long apologized and said what is unintentional. Still she patiently explained to all relatives and acquaintances: “Mummy badly feels because she has in a tummy a child, from it she feels sick and the tummy hurts!“ A lovely episode - Olechke very much liked the new word “pregnant woman“, and she used it appropriately and out of place. When asked it that this word means, the daughter quickly gave definition: “The pregnant woman is when the tummy feels sick and hurts!“

Also tremblingly Olya cared for future kid. Packed things from which she grew up, found the infantile accessories (rattles, “gryzunchik“, a children`s toothbrush etc.) showed me and spoke: “Your child will be born - I will present to him“. Kissed and ironed my stomach, specifying: “I kiss you on the child!“ Asked: “And to it it is not boring for one there?“ Somehow even tried to treat the brother or the sister with a chocolate - through a tummy (more precisely, trying to thrust a piece to me into a navel) with words: “I a candy share with it!“ In an early autumn toxicosis receded, I returned to work, to a former way of life. Approximately in the same time I felt the first movements of the kid. In the first pregnancy I long could not understand whether it is stirs reminded a lopanye of tiny bubbles or whiff of a breeze. This time I felt the movement of the tiny handle or a leg - a lung, but very distinct.

was Very much fallen in love by me to potter with the daughter: game, occupations with it give me special pleasure now. With ecstasy I watch together with it animated cartoons and children`s movies, with even big ecstasy I read to Olechke children`s books. Half a year ago, reading to the daughter before going to bed, after the first two pages began to be sleepy, and Olya tried to part forcibly me: “Well, esteem still!“ Now I read it avidly and I cannot stop, even when I catch myself on thought that it is already time for child to sleep. I remember how in the first pregnancy read herself children`s books, watched children`s movies. Over some touching children`s fairy tales even cried, thinking at the same time: “It is necessary that pregnancy does with people!“ Now mine “pregnant hobbies“ are divided by the child with whom it is necessary to be engaged constantly.

Special pleasure are delivered to me by walks with the daughter in autumn parks: together we admire motley foliage, we assemble cones, chestnuts and acorns, and houses we do hand-made articles of natural material. We mold much and we draw together. Also it is hard to say to whom this process gives bigger pleasure now.

the Flying by autumn days seem to me wonderful. I remember in the life only one such bright and colourful fall - that year when Olechka was born. I remember how my three-months baby with pleasure snuffled in “kengurushka“ on walk, and I was heated under the tender September sun, admired zolotisto - orange crowns, rustled with fallen leaves, and in the head of me lines from poems continually emerged. That fall seemed to me such fantastically - magic. And now this feeling of a miracle comes back.

does not have

I that melancholy and weight which pursued me all first pregnancy - only feeling of quiet, serene happiness. Heart fights, heart waits...