Rus Articles Journal

Education of the child in an incomplete family of

according to the demographer A. G. Volkov, among children of preschool age every tenth child is brought up by one parent, and among children of school age - every seventh. Today among incomplete families the “maternal“ family is still most widespread. However also the quantity of families with lonely fathers increases more and more. How incompleteness of a family is reflected in emotional health of the child? What the hidden and obvious educational risks of an incomplete family can be connected with and how to cope with them?

At each incomplete family - the history. Such family arises in connection with widowhood of the parent, with divorce, and also with the illegitimate birth of the child.

As formation of an incomplete family in connection with early death of one of parents is tragic

, its educational atmosphere is considered more favorable in comparison with the previous options. In particular if former related communication which are provided to children emotional support remain and compensate deficiency of communication, and the remained parent is held in respect and the help of the family.

Existence in an incomplete family of several children also allows to compensate to

incompleteness partly. If adults behave correctly, the senior child will become for younger “leader“, incentive in the social sphere. The senior will be able to get up on the defender`s position, to feel so vital confidence necessary for it. It is known that in incomplete families of the sister and brothers compete much less are more emotionally attached to each other. The help of grandmothers and grandfathers is invaluable usually.

of Mother, raising children without participation of fathers, twice more often than married, estimate education process as difficult. Lonely mother has any fears and fears more often:“ not to spoil as if “, “ would not get out of hand “, “ bad heredity will suddenly be shown“. Then mothers begin to dose sharply caress manifestation, try - in particular communicating with sons - to play a role of “strict fathers“... and usually it does not lead to anything good. Children differently perceive authoritativeness fatherly and maternal. The criticism fatherly is just criticism; maternal is subconsciously perceived by the child as refusal to him in love. The child or begins to fight for requirement to feel favourite and significant, using all arsenal of means available to it, including obstinacy and whims, or gives up and grows at infantile, taking complete domination of the woman for norm. And it is fraught with future deformation of sexual identification, violation of emotional communications with the world of people.

as

Contrast of a hard line of mother in relation to the child the position of general pity to “sirotinushka“ to which just by definition everything is allowed acts. Such position creates conditions for emergence of egoistical claims of the child, he loses an opportunity to study internal confidence and does not get experience of sincere presence of the adult in his life.

parents appear as

In a full family at children not only in parental roles, but also as the man and the woman in matrimonial partnership. This side of the interpersonal relations appears deficiency of an incomplete family. Here often redistribution of roles by the principle “nature abhors a vacuum“ results. Life in an incomplete family quite often encourages the child to realization of such functions as “to replace someone from family members“, “to be on friendly terms in matrimonies“, “to keep family secrets“... This early experience makes strong impact on mentality of the child, traumatic influences processes of his polorolevy socialization.

Adaptation to other lifestyle as the parent “without couple“, development of new forms of family life - a complex psychological challenge. For the divorced parents it is the real examination on a maturity. But the difficult situation forces to mature quicker and the child. For it life after divorce of parents is withdrawal pains of the habitual relations, the conflict between affection for the father and for mother. And divorce exerts the deepest impact on children - preschool children. Owing to their age tendency to conservatively stick to habitual forms of behavior and an established order, children hardly adapt to new. Tie to the kid a scarf not as usually, and he will not calm down until you tie up correctly, - what to speak about so cardinal changes of habitual vital way!

In the incomplete family which is especially formed after divorce, the relations between the remained parent and the child can develop on model of “a self-sacrifice cult“ when parents and children are connected with each other not only love and care, but also suffering, pain, grief. Such family bears to the child a lot of uncertainty, alarms, concerns, gloomy moods. When the parent plunges into the world of the experiences, he emotionally “abandons“ the child from what children begin to weaken soul and a body, feeling not only loss of the father, but also - partly - mothers.

Today fathers participate in education and care of the child literally from early age much more actively. Therefore now its absence is felt by children stronger and experienced heavier, than in the past. Without father the child lacks the authority, disciplines, about, emotional restraint, self-esteem, self-discipline and organization is more difficultly formed, sexual identification is complicated. Style of behavior of mother in relation to the ex-husband is important. One never mention it and pretend, contrary to own memoirs of children that they never also had no father. Others try to erase from memory of children any positive reminiscence of it - allegedly useless husband and the father. In these cases mother attempts upon development of a self-assessment, self-respect of the child - it is difficult to consider himself good, believing that you were brought into world by the bad and unworthy person. And the wisest mothers create at children idea of the father as about the person who has positive lines and the shortcomings.

As is noted by the famous expert, the founder of family consultation, Virginia Satir, for mother - to inspire the simplest in the child that the father “bad“. But in this case the boy quite often pays off with development of complexes, and it becomes difficult for the growing-up girl to imagine that the man can be desired.

What it is possible to advise the parents raising children in an incomplete family?

Tell

with the child and listen to it! Support his desire to be understood and heard by you when he tells about kindergarten or school all the time to remain with it in contact.

praise

More often, but do not punish! Emotionally stable and optimistical atmosphere in a family will keep at the child trust to the world, will strengthen self-respect and self-confidence.

you Treat with understanding to the right of the child for memories of the past.

do not shift function of the absent parent to shoulders of the children!

Help the child to master the skills of behavior corresponding to its floor.

Develop social communications of the family that the child could communicate and establish actively the comfortable relations with familiar men.

Try to enter new marriage and to return to life in a full family.