Topic of the lesson: “Teacher and I“. As be in case of the conflict of
“Anechka could graduate from school without the three - everything came to it easily. And she very much tried, long sat at lessons. The only three in the certificate at us appeared from - for the conflict with the teacher of chemistry. Two last years she just strained Anechke nerves, all the time called her, carped, and then in general declared that she above the three all the same will put nothing, - Larisa, mother now of the first-year student Anna, still very much is nervous. - I so understood that my daughter just properly was not pleasant to it, that`s all...“
of the Situation when the relations with the teacher do not develop, frighten both parents, and children. But, if the teenager can understand the reasons and find support from friends, for the junior school pupil such conflict can become a heartrending experience. For it the teacher - the most important person in the world. The self-assessment of the little pupil depends on it: if the teacher is dissatisfied, the child sincerely considers himself bad and incapable of anything and if he praises - blossoms from feeling of own success.
By and large, only adults are guilty
of the Reason of the conflicts: on the one hand, teachers who often do not possess sufficient ability and desire to penetrate into an essence of behavior of the child, and with another, - parents who seldom try to understand true sources of problems.“ The sharpest conflict, - the famous physiologist, the director of Institute of age physiology Maryana Bezrukikh says, is the conflict of misunderstanding. The teacher does not understand why the child disturbs at a lesson, turns, is not able to solve problems, badly remembers, etc. And as does not understand, cannot help. More often at the same time accuses parents. The parent, in turn, does not understand the teacher`s claim. And too cannot help the child“. psychologists nevertheless distinguish
From a set of unlike situations a little which become more often than others the reason of the conflicts:
- To the rigid authoritative teacher the child with pronounced creative thinking growing in the atmosphere of a freedom and trust gets. Such child got used to express the opinion, it is difficult for it to remain sitting on one place and it is boring to repeat the learned phrases. At the same time the teacher sees in the pupil a lack of respect and education, and in general - threat to the authority.
- the Teenager ego-trips in collective by opposition to the teacher. For some of children such way to win respect of schoolmates - the simplest. Especially such conflict runs high with the teacher who is not able to cope with the emotions, easily flies into a rage. the Teacher pays
- to accuracy, appearance, registration of notebooks and diaries especially much attention, and the child is not able to conform to these requirements yet. As a rule, such conflicts happen in elementary school more often, but from time to time “creep“ also in average. to
- At lessons to the child it is boring from - for low for qualification of the teacher or, on the contrary, the high level of training of the child. Such child begins to comment, criticize the teacher aloud. If the last at the same time cannot react correctly emotionally, opposition begins.
“Leshka suddenly began to grow thin. At first we it seems rejoiced because we it at us chubby since the childhood, and understood then: something not that, - Andrey, the father 13 - summer Alexey remembers. - In the evenings he sat at himself in the room, did something on the computer, ceased to communicate with friends. Dreams began to talk less, did not laugh as earlier. We wrote off everything for the age rising transitional. And then, having got to talking with mother of his schoolmate, unexpectedly learned about the conflict which for a long time, several months, exist between Leshkaya and the physical education teacher. The boy shirked couple of occupations, the teacher derided him at all - and went - went... As a result we had to address psychologists, the son had a sleeplessness, and he refused to go to school in general... And in the middle of the year we transferred it to other school, far away from a stressful situation“.
the Intense relations with the teacher - very injuring situation, and not only at elementary school, but also in average, and even in senior. The child who enters the conflict alone does not maintain such psychological loading and can “give“ any reaction: from loss of interest in study and revolt against all adults to long depressions, diseases and even suicide attempts. Therefore it is impossible to assume that the conflict came far.
Signs of serious problems at school:
- of Sharp change of behavior. For example, the active and cheerful child suddenly becomes closed and silent, and tender - begins to be rude awfully.
- Inadequate reactions to habitual words and actions. the Child can pull in the head in shoulders in response to the address to him, be frightened phone call or an alarm clock, to be covered as if being protected from blows, in attempts to touch it etc.
- Loss of interest in study, unwillingness to attend school , refusal to do homeworks, at the same time the self-assessment goes down:“ I have no abilities to mathematics “or“ I am not going to be a programmer“.
- On a question of some subject or the teacher changes countenance , becomes rough and aggressive, refuses to tell something.
- of Record about bad behavior at a lesson are made most often the same teacher.
by results of sociological research, boys - seniors “are at war“ with teachers much more actively, but also to them gets from teachers more. Boys have conflicts from more often - for behavior at school (18,9% - boys, 11,3% of the girl), admissions of occupations and delay (19,8% - boys, 15,7% - girls), smoking (9,5% - boys, 2,5% - girls). Girls were ahead of peers in one case - “my appearance: a hairdress, clothes“ (5,2% - boys, 6,5% - girls).
Should consider also that younger school students often exaggerate problem scale, according to adults, of course. From - for the fact that now the teacher for them - God-almighty, they panic on “frivolous“, from adults, to the reasons: did not ask when he knew the correct answer, did not draw “ulybochka“ in the diary, compared to more successful neighbor in a school desk etc. Such, it seems, trifles can become the basis to declare to parents:“ The teacher does not love me and offends“.
the Operations procedure
the Main task of parents - disposal of the son or daughter of problems, and the help in acquisition of experience of the civilized solution of the conflicts is not simple. So what steps you will take together with the child, his behavior in adulthood depends: in talk with the administration, with uneasy neighbors, with the spouse. Having done together with the child all steps on permission of a difficult situation, you will give it in hands the tool which it will be able to use further.
Step 1. Listen to the child. Any psychologist will tell that the main thing in the course of “hearing“ - not to estimate what you are told. Do not prevent it to express the emotions even if will seem to you that it is too rough and it is even aggressive in expressions. At first tell that you it is aware: “It seems to me, you with Maria Ivanovna in the conflict“, - and then accurately define a task:“ I want to know that you think of it“. Try to restrain and not to straighten out: “Do not dare to speak about the adult so!“ or to estimate: “The teacher is right, and you are not present“. Just listen, nod, ask additional questions. The child has to feel at the same time that his opinion is really interesting to you that you do not abuse his trust and will not wrap up its frankness against it. If it is difficult for child to express the feelings (that often happens to junior school pupils), try to help him with formulations: “It seems to you it is unfair“, “For you it is offensive“, “You are afraid“. When the child understands that this conversation is started not in order that to accuse him, it will be frank. He will understand that you - on its party that you support him. But also other extreme is not less harmful - at the child to abuse the teacher: “Yes she understands nothing!“ Thereby you show that in case of the conflict it is always possible to hide for the adult`s back.
Step 2. Begin discussion. should not impose the opinion and to give estimates. Your task - together with the child to analyse a situation, to see it from the different parties. Quietly ask: “When you for the first time felt that she dislikes you?“ Put forward versions: “Perhaps, she is irritated that it is difficult for you to be silent long?“ The main thought which has to come to mind to the child on the course of this conversation: a conflict essence not that someone tries to do the harm to another, and in misunderstanding. Develop the plan of further actions. Even if you will not think up an exit from the conflict, the child will understand that before working, it is necessary to analyse a situation, to put himself to the place of another and to try to understand it.
Step 3. Talk to the teacher. But you come to school only after discuss it with the child. If he asks you not to advertize the visit, satisfy its request and you come after lessons. In conversation with the teacher governed the same: you need to try to keep a neutrality. Not to accuse, not to acquit own child, and just to listen to the point of view of the second party. How it was difficult, it is necessary to try to keep calm and impartiality, “to switch off“ own parental emotions. Let the teacher will tell that he feels how he sees the causes of conflict.
Step 4. Have a talk three together - you, the teacher and the child. It is good already the fact that the conflict is not suppressed and the parties can state all they think of. But there is it how the most emotional part was splashed out before, in conversation with you. In this conversation not the criticism and not mutual recriminations, but search of an exit have to become the main thing besides. Work as the intermediary - collect offers and develop compromise solutions.
Step 5. Make the decision. If the first three steps did not yield results and the conflict runs high with a former force, then there comes time to work. In that case when the teacher is obviously wrong, be not afraid to address administration of school, in Department of Education. Today there are conflicts based on extortion when the teacher insists on additional paid lessons for this purpose consciously underestimating marks. It is a reason for trial, and it is not necessary to be afraid of pressure of school upon the child. Do not forget: now you put algorithm of resolution of conflicts in his consciousness, it has to see that sometimes you arrive resolutely.
If the conflict went too far, consult with the children`s psychologist. Perhaps, the only way out - as soon as possible to replace school and the teacher. And in this case it is not necessary to wait and persuade the child: “Well, suffer a half-year more until academic year ends“. For the child, especially the junior school pupil, it is too long term which can lead to neurosis or disgust for study for many years.