Whether it is easy for me to understand the child?
my children almost grew: the oldest daughter graduates from higher education institution, and the younger son - school. At high school I work 25 years. Also I understand that still I study. Every day. I feel that I prepare for lessons more and more responsibly.
to Argue over the question which is taken out in heading I, honestly, many times tried, but these reflections arose from time to time, were cast by any events, someone`s acts. And further my head did not “leave“. But time to think of this question in a complex and on paper came. To think of in what there were my problems (but not generalized about which write in textbooks) what advice I can give to myself what I praise myself for and for what I blame. Let situations which I will describe slightly below will not seem you councils, they do not apply for objectivity and pedagogical adjustedness. I just impart experience, in parallel arguing.
Not absolutely I understand the children... I do not understand from where at them those qualities which we with the husband did not impart undertook, and there are no those which we in them “cultivated“ and if is, then in a modified state. From where the daughter has “korobochnost“ (thrift, everything stores, puts), from where it in the childhood had an aspiration something to cut out, to glue, collect, to invent everyones “veterinary clinics“, “shops“ etc., we did not give specifically any similar installation. I am surprised how in education a lot of things occur spontaneously, subconsciously and about what we do not suspect, emerges then! But I am happy with the situation which developed in our family.
the Problem of “fathers and children“
This problem for me in youth and adolescence was empty expression. To me, the schoolgirl, I. S. Turgenev`s novel “Fathers and children“ came as well as other epic works easily and difficult at the same time. Yes, I read everything from cover to cover, perfectly retold, answered questions of the teacher, tried even to philosophize, but did not understand in what specifically a problem of “fathers and children“. Only later, studying in higher education institution, I understood that one of features of this problem is the aggravated and dulled perception of the same phenomena and events parents and children at the same time.I Tell
to the daughter that bought in advance the ticket when goes from the city home, especially before holidays. On younger courses she bought, and now hopes on “perhaps“. And then calls that there are no buses, will arrive not in the evening, and in the morning. You sit yes worry. And still the example - is engaged on study, “emergency exit“ much - night: did not manage to learn in the afternoon, endows a dream. Also treats it absolutely normally, justifying oneself the fact that “on pension will sleep“. We with the husband consider that without full 8 - an hour dream - “neither on mushrooms, nor on berries“. Or goes barefoot on a cold floor, and every time it is necessary to start discussion that in the future similar levity will affect on health. Here it, perception difference!
Where the childhood leaves?.
It is well-known that “all of us it is from the childhood“. I want to emphasize that from the childhood, in direct and figurative meanings. In total - complexes, fears, outlook - came together with us from the childhood. According to opinions of psychologists, the child is the one whom he became till seven years. Understanding it, you sigh with fear and simplification at the same time. Terribly - for, all teachers, tutors in kindergarten. Easily - “here to endure the educational moment till seven years, and there it will be simpler“. Responsibility is the most enormous. Everyone parental “not“ and “no“ immerses in a framework within which the child will live.
A after seven years is followed by one more “the terrible period“ - awkward age. And if to seven the child absorbs everything unconsciously, then in awkward age - properly. To be near in awkward age the child - here one of secrets of peaceful co-existence. I remember the awkward age not especially well, and here on the example of the children I see - a capriciousness, aggression, terrible maximalism etc.“ More terrible a stage, than final at school and introductory in higher education institution“, - my daughter says.
the Psychology, psychology once again psychology
In education on the first place have to be not the “grandmother`s advice“ checked by time, but psychology - the world does not stand still. It seems to me, in pedagogical higher education institutions there is not enough practice, psychological practice: debating clubs, round tables, trainings on problematic issues. And if they are also carried out, then students owing to the young age “do not go in cycles“ in them so far, perceive within “theory“, they do not know whether the matter in general will concern them, and whether knowledge will be useful soon.
Look for the reason of all in yourself
Many parents complain that children do not like to read. So you set an example. Probably, watch soap operas! And let the child sees you with the book all the time. Let any dictionary will become its reference book: sensible, spelling, orthoepic, etymological, foreign words. In due time me from the dictionary of foreign words was not to delay. The visual memory, a lexicon, literacy develop with gloss. It was very pleasant when in a thesis time of writing I used the word “olfaktornost“ (perception of smells) seeming to me habitual, and it was heard for the first time by the elderly scientific conductress. So any thriftiness, including verbal, - very useful business.not to carry
Behind shoulders...What qualities in the child to bring up
by all means?
Diligence. to Set an example, to involve children and not to be afraid that they will not finish washing ware or will not vacuum behind a chair. The main thing that they felt the participation, the contribution.
Accuracy and cleanliness. Say, how books on the shelf are placed, it is possible to tell a lot of things about their owner. The order on a workplace, on the shelf with books, in a case and even feature of handwriting - it directly characterizes the person. When my daughter was 5 years old, and she with peers walked on the street, the neigbour offered children fried sunflower seeds, all children took, without reflecting, and washing said: “Thanks! I have dirty handles“. The neigbour was struck, at each meeting with affection remembered this situation. Specially we did not teach children to it, just forced to wash hands after walk, before food. The husband on a habit even checks now: “And well - let me smell, soaps you hands or not!“
Sincerity. Trust. Never deceive the child. Children do not forgive to lie and, then take great pain “to pin up“ parents, if I may say so, “revenge“.
Respect. I will not stop on the formulation of this word, I will tell only one: the respect is shown and when children avoid to call parents (even in the third party) “mother“ and “father“. Consider it as roughness, disrespect. And still when children tenderly say:“ hlebushka“, “cow“, “milk“.
Responsiveness. Somewhat this concept is connected with anti-egoism. Do not cultivate in children feeling that all are guilty around, except him. Convince that all in our hands. The person - is the fact that made of himself. There are such moments when the child hits against a chair, etc. and parents advise a sofa to it “to punish the offender“ - to beat this subject. It becomes allegedly easier for the child. And sense? Let knows that we create all problems. And nobody is guilty of our failures, except ourselves.
Kindness. It, first of all, goes from love to animals. Get a cat, a dog, a parrot, teach to look after them. Heard that children till six years are very cruel. In kindergarten they can “prepare dishes“ from the cut rain worms, can tear off easily the head to aquarian small fishes. Only to some of them the repentance comes later...
Observation. Pay attention of the child literally to everything. For example, during walk. It develops at the same time visual memory and stimulates inquisitiveness. What you see, and tell the child about that.
the self-education Price
you Would like to talk to yourself so ten-year prescription? I think, the majority will answer “yes“. What here connection with self-education and the more so observation? And communication is that in the childhood we are “in power“ parents, and then we begin “to belong“ to ourselves. At such age the tendency to self-education to a large extent is also shown. Surely leave “place“ for self-education. I adhere to Montessori`s principle:“ The world of children is not similar to the world of adults, and in communication with children adults have to consider their right for independent development, that is try to give to children a real opportunity for independent assimilation of world around“. Plus to everything not to teach children, and it is rather to follow them, helping and maintaining their interests, to give about what they will ask. Russo`s thanks for his idea: the child has to choose the content of the education (saw a butterfly - tell about a butterfly and a flower) and to study by a method of natural consequences (broke a window - teach to glaze)! Recently acquaintances told me about such concept as serendipity. It designates “training in the course (on the run)“. Communication with our point of this word the most direct. And still an important point - be not afraid to give the child on various sections, circles, trainings, let it will be busy constantly, let learns to distribute time. Believe, at school will not interfere with training, and will make it, on the contrary, fuller.Mutual extremes
how disaccustomed the oldest daughter to be capricious. Many parents do not know what to do when the child falls on a floor, begins to beat with hands and legs, generally, shows all signs of a hysterics. And I did not know how to disaccustom to be nervous the daughter. What only arguments did not bring! And somehow incidentally told: “If you roll up a hysterics, I will cut off to you hair“. It vanished as if by magic! At the very same time and forever! The daughter always dreamed of long hair, and this argument was really “medical“. Blackmail, you will tell? So it is impossible? In my opinion, this means quite soft - without blows verbal and physical. And the daughter is still grateful to me. I am struck what aspiration to have long hair at the girl!
Virtual life... you will not drive away
of my son from the computer. Would sit and “was cut“ in computer toys in the days without a break.“ We fight“ with the husband in every way: and we limit time, and at times at all we forbid. Though we understand peacefully to coexist with the child in this question, it is necessary to use popular wisdom “fights fire with fire“. Let the child will play enough much that most bothered, then this dependence will recede.
on the basis of the experience in education (to you to judge as far as I objectively argue) I will try to formulate several theses how “to get on“ with the child:
- Approve communication of the child with friends. Let their number include children of advanced age and are younger, you should not worry. Communication will help to bring up a freedom, openness, enterprise, feeling of a competitive spirit that, it seems to me, sometimes affects very much even positively. praise
- More often! The praise - incentive to work in the future with even big eagerness. Think up along with verbal praise and some bonuses (money in this case - not suitable option, they cultivate greed). If the child refuses to eat
- , agree with it. Only the fact that it gives pleasure does well. Accustom the child only to one to “the edible rule“ - it is necessary to have breakfast, and for the rest - as it will turn out.
- If children have problems with health - do not blame yourself. The popular writer and the psychologist Alexander Sviyash writes that any illness is given us as a lesson. Any disease - a signal that we not so made something in our present or antecedents. He says also that parents are not guilty that the child was born the patient - so the soul expiates mistakes, antecedents sins (idea of reincarnation).
- Advise the child to keep the diary. Any: psychological, reader`s (with quotes from the read books), the diary of dreams etc. It is necessary for it, not for you. Do not look at all in record in any occasion - and that to trust between you not to happen! Diary entries will help the child to learn themselves, to study on the experience, “to self-educate“ and it is even correct to distribute time - to be minute for a privacy. Explain
- to the child that each person - unique. “You have complex that you have not model growth or that hair are short, but you succeed century.“. Show that everything in life is compensated. Read it the quote which I consider as the most valuable: “The human face - whose it was - exclusively interesting object for contemplation, a real miracle of creation. More than one and a half thousand years ago Saint Augustine wrote about how every time was surprised, going down the street and watching infinite variety of human faces:“ How extraordinary artist, has to be, the Lord who created such set of absolutely different works, using only several basic components for everyone: two eyes, two ears and mouth...“ . Be quieter than
- . Well that it that the child learns lessons late? It is worth praising for it. And if he is an activist and does not sit in place? And let does not get enough sleep. If he so likes to live, join his hobbies.
do not straighten out him if it got somewhere, asked something for someone - refer to age. And all! Also inspire in the child that he is able to afford himself a lot of things (but tell about a negative too), it has a justification - age.
Solve whether you will use an ignoring method (I, honestly, still did not understand it). My hostess in student`s years said that she never approached the son`s bed when he began to be capricious, - from it he grew up independent, purposeful, got used to rely on the forces. In education it connects with such element that he “served“ to a colonelcy.
- Whatever was, smile and never complain. Neither on health, nor on shortage of money. Remember that there is a law of the world attraction - the thoughts we can attract to itself the future.
- Help the child to realize his meaning of life and the vital purpose. Many will tell that you should not do it. The child will reach everything. But I so do not think. On myself I know that for the first time thought of meaning of life only at the first year of institute. And that only after a question of the roommate. I did not know, as to answer because I and did not reflect before on this subject. Yes, I read about meaning of life in textbooks of social science, heard on class hours, but all this there was a theory. And even incentive to think of sense of the life was not. Severity to parents needs to use
- moderately. The excessive severity results in children`s cunning. It is clear, that trying to feel more freely, children will “get out“, deceive etc. Though how to look. In the modern world cunning to be not so bad.
- to Use in conversation and requests to the child only positive statements, to avoid “not“ and “no“ (that I also do in these councils).
- to Avoid such phrases as “you are already big child“. Smells slightly of blackmail!
- Consider temperament of the child and zodiac sign. Until recently I considered that only silly people trust in horoscopes. But here it is not horoscopes, and in astrology. I notice that people of the same zodiac sign are very among themselves similar. So “write off“ many misunderstandings, say, for a difference in elements, signs, temperaments.
- Take more picture with the child. If the child is capricious, carry away him for a start survey once of the made pictures. When the first grader becomes interested by itself of the early childhood, tell that with the same interest he will examine himself present and years through five - ten. Allow the child to enter in a fotoistOr families. Hang out children`s photos on the room - so the child will feel more significantly and lyubimy. And always smiles, emotions and a children`s spontaneity will relieve you of grief and bad mood. Openly express to
- feelings, embrace each other, let everyone feel that he is dear to another. Tell
- to the child about religion. As to make it, each parent has to solve.
- Get a notebook in which you will write down amusing episodes from life of the child, phrases. Stories of life of the child as if approve his life, give it the value and the importance.
Ya that in student`s years did not get acquainted with books of such psychologists as Louise Hay, Alexander Sviyash, etc., did not pass trainings on increase of a self-assessment, on a goal-setting and a tseledostizheniye, management of time and skills etc. But I promise to make up. To, first of all.I do not regret for
Ya that raised the children on books Korney Chukovsky, Samuil Marshak and Yury Kushak. Let many will not understand me, but I consider what to read A.S. Pushkina to the three-year-old child early. Children need simpler picture, more clear plot.
In spite of the fact that my children never left in the summer anywhere, they grew up very independent (in life, study). And I am sure of them, that they will do right thing.I am surprised to
Ya as far as the children now developed, capable, courageous. We such were not - and it is wrong to compare in general. To be so and has to - otherwise there would be no evolution.