Father: calling or the profession of
Given as an epigraph the song suggested me an idea: and whether it is easy for father to be the father what abilities and sincere qualities are necessary for this purpose. Thirst for conscious paternity is given to our men from above or on the father it is possible to be learned somewhere? In other words, the father - calling or a profession? It is obvious that the father mother cannot be for purely biological reasons. Mother bears, gives birth, brings up the child, as a rule, the first two years constantly cares for him. Anthropologists investigated traditions of education of children at various nationalities, and found out that matriarchy - a social order when women not only care for children still reigns in some tribes, but also get food, hunting, and protect the tribe from enemies. But matriarchy today more likely exception to the rules. What to explain the choice by other people of other form of education of children with - family of two people? And what role in this to “a cell of society“ is played by the man?
Desmond Maurice, the famous biologist, considers as the main function of the man - distribution of genetic material, fertilization of an ovum. The man - the accomplice of a great miracle of appearance of the new person on light. Also its participation in the child`s life it is frequent and it is limited. Posterity - natural result of communication between the man and the woman. But unlike offsprings of all other animals, cubs of the person are completely helpless. 10 - 15 years it is necessary to care for the child, and such difficult work to one parent not on a shoulder. If not in the modern western state, then, at least, in any traditional society. Parents has to be two therefore pair communication - the natural biological mechanism created for protection of the child, for his cultivation. Not casually practically in all countries encourage official fixing of pair communication, “closing“ of couple.
Test for fathers or as the fatherHowever functions of the man in a family, fortunately for the modern woman is born
, are not limited to creation of couple and conception of the child. Men are capable to become beautiful parents. But on this way they are warned by psychological traps.“ The shouting lump, the red wrinkled face, the tied-up navel, very fragile being“ - here the first associations which are usually occurring to young fathers. To drop fear and ignorance from what party to approach the baby - direct consequences dominating long time in the society of a paradigm of the treatment of the baby. Let`s take the books devoted to childbirth and care of the child. 10 of 100 are turned only to mothers and in them there is no mention of the father as the active participant of education of children at early age. As they say, “the Moor made the business - the Moor can leave“?
But everything flows, everything changes. Also changes for the better: literature of the last 15 years abounds with heads how to be “babies are daughters the father“, and in some editions dare to offer men even to participate in labor. Most of domestic doctors - obstetricians perceive the man on childbirth as a burden. Indeed troublesome with these daddies: any minute will crash down in a faint or will begin to disturb. . Besides many doctors are convinced that help from the man - any: the person is born, dies. The parental centers which arose in the last decade, schools of preparation for childbirth insist on presence of the man at childbirth. Of course, presence of the loved one is reasonably useful at all. On the contrary! In - the first, the man creates the house atmosphere, and in labor it is very important, he is the dearest person and helps just being present. And if to learn a little, then participation of the father can become more fruitful: strong massage of a sacrum, a support on strong male shoulders, embraces during fights etc. Childbirth truly space process, a turning point in family life. They not only completely change mentality of the woman and man, but also lay the foundation of relationship with the new little man. By modern medicine it is proved that so-called “imprinting“ - close connection with the child - is formed during the first hours and minutes. Instead of 10 years later “to remake“ character of the child who is brought up by mother, try to take active part in its birth: you can help the wife during the skhvatochny period, cut off an umbilical cord and even to accept the child. The ancient people had such ceremony: the man laid down near the woman in labor, sighed, gasped and held a stomach. Was considered that so it drives away evil spirits and “grounds“ negative energy.
However in such serious business as childbirth, it is impossible to be categorical: better if this process is harmonious, and proceeds in the conditions of quiet and weakened. If the father (imagining all process according to movies and books) all the same is nervous, it is not necessary to insist - it will be worse. Sometimes mother does not want that the man was present at childbirth. Anyway, begin communication with the newborn as soon as possible. Such interaction is necessary also for you, both your kid, and mother tormented with pain. These first seconds you become a parent, but not just biological father. It is active to help the wife to pass the pregnancy period, whenever possible, to reduce pain in labor, to prepare it for them, to care for it later, overcoming difficulties of the first days - the main objectives of the conscious parent.Let`s be afraid of
Appearance of the kid considerably changes the relations in couple. Immense euphoria passes, and some difficulties of new life appear.
young fathers are nonplused by several moments:
- the child does not react to the father, does not understand it;
- need for means strongly increases with the birth of the kid; the wife cannot pay to
- attention in former volume;
- of independence and mobility the end comes.
But all these “difficulties“ are easily solvable. Believe, two weeks will pass quickly, and the baby will begin to answer you emotionally. And in two weeks will favor the smile. The more often you will hold it on hands, the earlier he recognizes you. It is easy to solve a problem with carriages and beds, having borrowed objects of the first of “children`s need“ from friends. And together to regret for the bitter share of the abandoned husband, show an initiative - flirt for the wife. Restriction of freedom completely will pay off cheers of the kid at your emergence.
Love of the father and mother: various educational strategy
of Present men became fashionable to abuse. For criticism there are bases: modern men are brought up in the atmosphere of loss of the fatherly authority (feminization of society), infantilism of many husbands leads to the fact that children grow practically without father (at his formal existence). But nonparticipation of the father in education - big trouble of our time. The reason is that to mothers a fatherly role not on forces. Exit only one: the example of the conscious parent slowly but surely to change the dominating paradigm of “one-sided education“. We for the first time face love during infancy, this time of trust. But growth process - all this bigger aspiration to independence. Need of maternal guardianship weakens. And if you managed to establish with your child relation at an early stage of its development, then in awkward age the fatherly authority (not to confuse to a belt) will help to cope with “zigzags“ of this period.
Calling and profession: also are born fathers, andto you should become
the father anyway. A question more likely in what father you will become? Let`s return to the problem formulated at the beginning of article: “father“ everything is calling or a profession. The difference between two of these concepts is at first sight not so big:“ the father called“ fascinates by constant care of the kids, actively participates in their education, is the chief assistant to the wife and earns means of livelihood. The father “by profession“ treats the duties very seriously, to be a parent - his debt, paternity - work, heavy and quite often sad. Unlike daddy on calling, he does not feel unearthly pleasure from education of kids. But contrary to such far-fetched division “the tree of life turns green“: many young daddies manage to be fathers - professionals on calling!!! That is to combine business with pleasure. How they manage it?Experience of my husband (he is 24 years old) and ten familiar young daddies can turn out
very informative. Tactics of “small, but good deeds“ promotes formation of communication with the child and improves relationship in couple. Conditionally, skills, abilities and abilities, and also specific actions can be broken on prenatal and postnatal (especially the first 40 days).
- search, record and visit of courses for preparation for childbirth;
- purchase of products for a week in the nearest wholesale market;
- joint exercises on an extension for pregnant women, visit of the pool;
- daily or weekly massage - depends on load of the man;
- healthy days off - walks in the wood, travel to the sea or just on the dacha;
- development of the joint scenario of childbirth, including the decision to give birth in maternity hospital or in the Center;“ facing the child“, together or not, in water or vertically;
- care about psychological health of the wife: you are engaged in its consolation and deal with doctors. Especially after the delivery!
Postnatal efforts - first of all cares about physical health of mother and kid: to provide them rest and saturated food.
- you watch mummy: it, looking after the child, can absolutely forget about himself;
- gymnastics with the baby (all this in power only to fathers);
- swimming, diving, bathing;
- massage at tummy pains;
- hardening (if you supporter of it);
- of walk with the child during week-end;
- useful purchases;
- equipment of the nursery;
- communication with doctors continues... and you have to be engaged in it (not to irritate the feeding mother);
- the purchase of pampers and attempt, often successful, them to change.
I before childbirth about the known proverb: “a sound mind in a sound body“. The hardening, the pool, a bath - all these procedures were accepted together. Physically strengthened, slept during pregnancy of the wife, the first year of life of the baby seems to the father if not a continuous holiday, then pleasant and simple work. To us to mothers such father`s mood - only in pleasure. Paternity - great happiness!