Why? Thoughts of the psychologist of a teenage drug addiction. Began part 2
to control itself, it is necessary to know himself - who I am? That is why it is so important to teenagers to understand who are they in this world.
And therefore they become... an easy mark for various religious and pseudo - psychological sects and for the people offering other ways of knowledge of, for example drug intoxication. They in different sauces give hope for knowledge acquisition which so are not enough for the teenager, of knowledge which neither the family, nor school gave it. Answers of children speak not only about in what school students are interested, but also that this interest cannot be satisfied at school, that they could not receive this knowledge in its walls...
Here it is a tail of one of the reasons. But what with it it is possible to make?! > to Parents it is important to p to know
about “danger“ of desire of the child to learn philosophy, psychologists, religion. I would advise if there is such opportunity, at least to acquaint the teenager with various religions of the world, to carry out on them a certain digression. Invite on a visit his friends more often, encourage house debates on philosophical subjects, on behavior psychology subjects - so far the child did not go to discuss it in some sect. In the yard, in the company of peers it will hardly speak about it - will begin to banter, but everything, as for the universe, God, life, to the senior school students, I will repeat, judging by polls, very interestingly. And they have to gain this knowledge before drugs beckon them an illusive opportunity to receive answers to all questions of life.
By the way, telling, there is in a self-knowledge problem one more interesting moment. Everything is learned in comparison. To understand itself, the teenager has to compare himself to someone. And there is a paradox of which mothers and fathers cannot “get the idea“ in any way. Why you follow an example of someone from the street, but not from us - clever parents?! Answer simple: parents - old and big. And the child, naturally, identifies himself not with them, and with peers. He also wants to compare himself to them. He believes that parents do not allow it to self-express, violently constraining in fetters of the “old man“ education. From here aggression of the teenager.
at the same time the child identifies himself not only with peers, but also with the world. The teenager - the little philosopher. He wants to learn not only himself, but also the place in the world which he investigates empirically - “touches“ one, then another. It - is pricked, - burned down, and he rediscovers for himself the world of the human relations... Any “asocial“, from the point of view of adults, the teenager considers behavior more likely as research.
I a big mistake to perceive personal instability characteristic of this age as aggression. In the teenager opposite lines and aspirations fight, defining discrepancy of character and behavior. The mood of the teenager fluctuates between improbable optimism and the most gloomy pessimism. During this period school students begin to keep diaries, make programs of self-development, self-education. They aspire to “adult types“ of carrying out time.
the Child absorbs samples and standards of “maturity“ and straightens them under himself. He wants that people around concerned to him not as to small, and as to the adult. Without meeting such attitude towards itself, the child in our eyes becomes...“ difficult“, rough. Sometimes, striving for independence, it literally “pushes away“ from itself(himself) people, winning itself(himself) “place in the sun“. And as nearby usually there are close people, the teenager begins with them, without realizing why it does it. He furiously tries to protect some spheres of the life from intervention of adults because he wants to live something special. Sometimes the reasons of boorish behavior of the teenager to understand not so difficult: “Why you are rude? You want to be most abruptly? And for whom?.“ Here one more tail required me the reasons flashes.
Directly according to Freud: it becomes clear that the guy is manufactured for drawing attention of little girls. There is a hormonal reorganization of an organism, interest in an opposite sex is very big. What is it fraught with? Strangely enough, it provokes teenage smoking and alcoholism. It seems to the smoking little girl that she looks is more modern in the opinion of boys. And those, in turn, notice that in a state of intoxication they can behave more relaxedly. (I leave beyond the scope of our conversation what children see on streets and on television.) If the teenager noticed that in a disco young people behave “raunchy“ with each other and in a condition of drug intoxication easily reach the desirable from little girls, then he comes to the conclusion that drug - a good way of rapprochement with an opposite sex. Clever parents instead of reading notations to the son that with the girl it is necessary to go for the handle, teach it as without reddening to talk to it on free subjects how not to offend her. Learn to speak “no“ and to distinguish those people who, use conscience as a lash, for achievement of the purposes.It of course is not simple
. Try to teach it the teenager! Here to you such dialogue.
“-Pa - and - aslushay, Kolyan, a reptile you will be if you do not find money for drug. We were on friendly terms with you so much, and you appeared the rascal, do not want to help me...
- And you that, Jesus Christ that here to teach me to morals?“
it is It seems quite good.
of Teenagers not only the psychology of relationship, but also psychology of the sexual relations interest. Yes, they before each other swagger that all know and all are able, but actually it not so. Ask them how many sexual intercourse lasts. The typical answer of boys - “three - five minutes“. I speak to them, little girls answered - “eighteen years“. Guys do not laugh, wait for an explanation. I explain. Before agreeing to intimate relations, the girl thinks that the child can be born and whether he will be beautiful on what she will live and as she will raise small... At it it surely rushes in the head. “Not present“ of some ladies in approach to “bed process“ is explained by it. It is good to tell teenagers - not instructively, and in “genre“ of ascertaining of the facts - about difficulty of treatment of venereal diseases and about the cost of antibiotics. Believe me, sometimes it is enough to show one tablet worth one thousand rubles that the mood in a class cardinally changed. Constantly it is necessary to hear that teenagers such - syaky: they - that both aggressive, and ill-bred, they in the bus do not give way to old women. But nobody wants to reflect why so occurs. To this period children have a hormonal reorganization in an organism and therefore they, believe them, just very quickly are tired. You should not abuse the teenager who took a seat in the bus.
When at the child there comes the teenage age, wise parents stock up with patience. As he wants independence, they try to trust him some important issues and to talk to him as if as equals.And it is important
exactly “as if“ as equals. To communicate with children really “as equals“ - a big parental mistake. I will tell a case from the practice. Once the woman took to me the daughter with severe neurosis. The lady answered my inquiries that they have with the daughter remarkable relations, there are no problems. Only at the daughter for some reason the cheek twitches. When I asked the woman to leave an office, her daughter told me a chilling story. It turned out that mother passes the problems on the daughter. That is she consults on her really, as from adult:“ Solve what here wall-paper to buy us “, “ and to birthday to us to invite this uncle or that? Both you will tell, and we will make“. That is here in such form the girl was attracted to the solution of problems of adults, and it constantly strained, being afraid to miss. In the psychological plan before me sat small 10 - the summer woman, and it was very difficult to explain to mother that so she can spoil the child.
“As equals“ - means to distribute duties, to remove from itself and to transfer to the child part of responsibility for it. He has to be responsible for some site of the life. And as children from the teenage period pass into a time of youth and mature, guardianship of parents gradually leaves their life. The father with mother cease to control the child and become... help body.
So far before it is far... At least in families of those school students that became authors of answers to our questions in Moscow and the Moscow region. By the way, besides those questions about which it is already told to teenagers also such were set: “You always try to explain that to you it is unclear?“ “As you arrive if you cannot explain something?“ It turned out that more than 80 - ti percent of the answered children want to understand independently the arising questions, and here as psychologists speak, only 17 percent of respondents have own “informative strategy“.Summarizing
, the most generalized conclusion which I drew on the reasons of a teenage drug addiction, is as follows: graduates of schools have no sufficient skills and knowledge for social adaptation to conditions of real life, for fight against a temptation drugs. If to speak about readiness to make decisions, then the obvious tendency to dependence is traced here.
I joint help of adults in finding of independence, confidence and social skills will help teenagers to avoid trouble. It is the delicate and laborious work demanding from us knowledge, wisdom and patience. But, as I already spoke, to prevent, it is easier, than to treat. And this our common cause.