The gold link of
Gratitude is a gift which is based on desire to give and share, but not to repay a debt, at least and a hundredfold. You should not make kind acts for the sake of profit, let unconscious. Perhaps, misunderstanding of this truth is also the main reason for charge of an ingratitude of parents and children?
during an illness of the little daughter I read it aloud Shota Rustaveli`s poem “The hero in a tiger skin“. When reached a line “The fact that hid - was gone, what gave - yours“, the daughter asked to explain that, actually, it means. Really, at first sight the thought paradoxical, but if to ponder, contains in it a deep meaning.When you something wish
only for yourself - remain all alone, having even received the desirable. As though there is a stop in the perpetual vital motion. And when you give that you have and you are able (for example, knowledge, care) - life and the movement proceed. And then given comes back.
the Heavy burden
for psychological consultation addressed the woman together with the thirteen-year-old daughter me. Mother admitted that the girl - sense of all her life. With the child`s birth she devoted all herself to the daughter. Left work. Imperceptibly friends and girlfriends disappeared, they simply did not become necessary and uninteresting.
Health, progress, hobbies of the girl - here that became the most important. The father went all these years to work more and more, now he has two works. He plays sports much, and recently exists independently. However today happy times when mother and the daughter could sit for hours consigned to the past, having embraced and to talk about everything.
the Girl began to move away from mother. Approximately in 11 years at it the relations with peers sharply worsened. Recently she even quarreled with two best friends. And they took and became friends among themselves, and now still play a trick on it. Good relations with schoolmates do not develop too.
Having analysed a situation, I understood that embitternment of the girl in relation to age-mates and the outside world is a payment for to becoming ungrateful. It appeared in a trap: close communication with mother is difficult transferred, but also it is a pity to leave, and age-mates not so belong! Such burden is too heavy for the teenager. Meanwhile the child - not meaning of life of parents, not a consolation in old age, not medicine against loneliness. The girl - the independent personality who came to the world to live own life, but not mother`s.
Secret of eternal life
Other rather typical example. The successful man of forty years came to reception. Works hard, makes good money, but we tear apart contradictions in a family. Difficult otnosheniyas relatives demand many forces and are reflected on physical health (heart began to disturb). It appears, with birth own to a rebenka it tension with mother was fueled.
Mother stays in constantly offended state now. Recently she grieves more and more for those times when the son was small and, learning to read, drove a finger on lines... Real life interests her a little. As a result the son is forced to be broken off between two beloveds. Jeunet does not speak when he is at mother that not to annoy her. And with mother speaks about the wife and the child a little. However mother is all the same dissatisfied. At it the stale and ungrateful son grew up! And it is difficult for man to reconcile to reproaches - from here and heartaches.Should not forget
that the birth of children - the responsible and conscious choice. The ordinary loving parent with pleasure watches realization of the child and it is happy. And the son or the daughter, growing, create around themselves the harmonious world of the family. And then adult children will have a desire to make something for parents with gratitude, but not as a duty and a debt, and from completeness of good feelings. On it life which never comes to an end is also under construction.
the love FactorMelanie Klein`s
, recognized authority on the field of psychology of infancy, writes that if the person is capable to feel gratitude for pleasure in the past, he can enjoy that he can give the present. It is called an enlightenment and serenity, their sources in happy infancy. The kid who established the strong relations with mother, first of all, and with parents in general, will find in them a source of compensation of alarms in adulthood.
to raise children grateful, it is necessary to teach them to be happy, to give the chance to endure feeling of deep satisfaction with what they have. And it depends on two factors. The first - the child has to be fed, well-groomed, receive enough heat, care and love.
the Second factor not less, and perhaps, and more important is a condition of satisfaction, balance of parents. Their position in relation to the world is extremely clear: they prove nothing to nobody (to neither own parents, nor relatives and friends, the whole world), do not compete and do not compete. They just love life and the child, consider him as the independent personality.
to Rejoice for othersmeanwhile the happy person is generous
, he is able and likes to share with others. How and when there comes this magic moment when the child learns to give and rejoice from the fact that to another it is good? Observe small children of two - three years. It is visible that to them own toys are important, they with pleasure will take also others which lies without supervision. It is normal. During this period the child is egocentric, it costs in the center of the world. Kids do not play together yet, they just exist nearby.
Later children learn to share, suffer and expect receiving pleasure at first with the parents.then - to play
A with age-mates, to interact with other people, to feel their requirements.
I then the hope that the child will be able to derive pleasure from the fact that to well other person is. It is the following and very important step of development of the person. Binding, so to speak, gold link, between “I take“ and “I give“ there is a feeling of gratitude. And it is often a question not of human age, but personal and moral development.
A to become harmonious and happy, to raise the same children, to each of us needs to change and grow internally all life.