The favourite nurse of
All of us dream that the kid had a nurse the kindest and remarkable that the baby did not cry when mother leaves for work. But if such also is, then then there is other question: but whether the kid will love the nurse more, than mother?
In noble families where was considered as norm to keep the nurse and the wet nurse in one person while the kid is small, such question would seem totally ludicrous. Infantile attachment was not considered as something especially valuable, and Lev Tolstoy, having told in “War and peace“ that Natasha Rostova and Pierre Bezoukhov pottered with kids, shocked the most part of society. In our world absolutely other standards roditelsko - the children`s relations.“ “ And “correct“ dense emotional contact is considered, all have very famous such words as “the sensitive period“, “renatal education“, etc. So where truth? And of what really present parents should be afraid? whetherthe Imprinted love
Can replace with
someone mother? - a strange question, especially for competent psychologists or those who work with children - orphans. It is obvious to them that even the most lost mother who threw the kid, for him - the most desired person in life. And if careful mother comes back every day from work, then especially there can be no questions. It - the most favourite. And the nurse is a great senior friend, but it will not replace mother in any way. And if with the nurse at the kid good relations, it is ideal option both for it, and for you. There is nothing bad in getting thus the new family member, though for a while.
Psychologists and psychoanalysts who deal with issues of early age, consider that the closest contact between mother and the kid arises right after childbirth and in the first weeks of life of the baby. Corporal contact, continuous communication, feeding, hormonal reaction of mother to the kid after the delivery and the kid on mother - all this forms close instinctive attachment. Disputes on that how many the sensitive period (when the kid and mother form this communication) lasts are still conducted: someone speaks about a month, someone about six or nine months. But all psychologists meet in thought that the earliest age puts the strongest attachment. Of course, and the adopted children love the new parents, but communication of early age is strong as nothing else.Mother and the kid are attached by
to each other, but the first smiles, the first steps of the kid - all this occurs in the face of the nurse when mother at work. Whether it means that the baby will prefer the nurse for communication? At all not. The nurse is, perhaps, “social mother“, she cares for the kid, he is attached to her, got used to divide with her a grief and pleasure. But only near mother he can feel absolute rest and happiness. Though sometimes on his behavior also you will not tell...
As the kid behaves?
the Reason for maternal alarms quite often is the behavior of the kid when it remains both with mother, and with the nurse or after departure of the nurse.
- the Kid from “bean“ or other problem addresses the nurse, but not mother. It is normal, with the nurse he spends more time, he just got used to a certain distribution of duties.
- the Kid rushes to mother not at once. Matter is not that he is not glad. Just many children need time to switch from one mode of communication to another.
- the Kid behaves badly when the nurse leaves. Matter is not that you cannot bring up own child. Just the baby, in - the first, hopes to receive from you something forbidden (forces at you after work a little, sense of guilt presses), in - the second, you, for certain, did not manage to explain to it how it is necessary to behave at mother. Here he also “misbehaves“.
- the Kid cries and is capricious. As a rule, children catch our nervousness if we test it. Besides he waited for you, was nervous, behaved - here at him and “broke the safety valve“.
- the Child who is already able to speak often refers to authority of the nurse: “And the nurse allows me...“ etc. It not domination of her authority over yours. It is attempt to understand as it is correct. And sometimes and attempt to receive the desirable by cunning.
with the fact that it is difficult to kid to switch from “fine tuning under the nurse“ to “fine tuning under mother“. Besides your fatigue after the working day is imposed on a children`s evening hyperactivity. If not to decide to itself superfluous and not to listen to an opposite voice of sense of guilt, then a situation absolutely normal.with
Why it is sick?
In spite of the fact that all of us perfectly understand that mother is mother, nevertheless sensation of fear and jealousy of the nurse which is pleasant to the kid arises. But the reasons here at all not in objective danger, and in how ourselves assess current situation. First of all, sense of guilt directs us. Whatever one may do, the kid suffers without mother, will not get used yet that she leaves and leaves him with the nurse. And the maternal instinct is inseparable with feeling of alarm. All this is quite often transformed to the general nervousness which can find also such option of an exit as jealousy of the nurse. Those who at early age were forced to leave the kid and for other reasons are familiar with this feeling. For example, to go to hospital. Despite the absence of “corpus delicti“, mothers all the same feel guilty and are afraid to lose love of the child. It is just natural maternal alarm.
the Second moment is a public opinion:“ got rid of the child from hands“, “idler“, “wants to live for itself“. It sometimes can be heard from people around, it is one more stone on a bowl of scales under the name “sense of guilt“. Quite often people around seek to wound the working mother supposedly the child will love the nurse more. Quite often women to whom did not give pleasure act this way to sit with the child, but they persistently did it from - for beliefs, of unwillingness to work or from impossibility to earn and employ the nurse. Their envy turns into aggression which they express in the form of condemnation. It is necessary just to understand it before letting in all similar things soul depth.
Third is a jealousy which in reasonable doses is peculiar to any loving person, the love is a desire to have with the person strong communication for the rest of life. Therefore some alarm is just normal satellite of love.
to Recustomize a wave
As to behave that there was no temptation to deprive of the kid of the favourite nurse and at the same time to feel safe?
- you Spend free time with the kid, communicate, play. Try to put him to bed every evening, embrace him before going to bed, read the book, rock to sleep - it helps to remember as far as you are close. During week-end have surely a rest all family that to you it was cheerful. do not do to
- the tragedy from - for small misunderstanding in behavior of the child. Believe, the same problems with search of borders legal, appeals like “And here someone gives me candy“, etc. is enough also in those situations when there is no nurse also in mention.
- Control process of “excessive self-criticism“. You not the monster and not monster. All rumors about severe spiritual wounds in families where to the kid took the nurse, are strongly exaggerated. The you will be quieter, the kid will be quieter.
- Discuss with the nurse controversial issues of rules and restrictions for the child. You are an employer, have the right to dictate the terms, and the nurse has to carry out them. It is better that the child was “pulled“ as little as possible between various “it is possible - it is impossible“.
I at last, you do not keep in yourself the fears. Tell about them to the kid even if he cannot answer you yet, but such “conversation“ all the same will remove stress. Share with the husband (who will twist at a temple, most likely). They love you above all and will dispel your fears.