When in a family crisis of
While approaches our purses an economic crisis, many married couples another traps - not less heavy and dangerous - crisis of the family relations. Its consequences are not less awful, than loss of accumulation or change of the size of a salary for the worse. Disagreements and quarrels during “the crisis period“ can serve as the reason of divorce of two closest people ready from a single whole again to turn into two separate halves...
of Crisis to be afraid - not to go in marriageCrises accompany with
spouses on all their course of life. The first which psychologists christened crisis of the first year is connected with the period of mutual “grinding in“ of newlyweds. Establishing a family, the man and the woman enter marriage with the ideas of joint life which more developed in the childhood. Each spouse has habits, experience and foundations. Everyone pursues the aims. There has to pass time before the man and the woman learn to go on compromises, to understand and accept each other.
the Second crisis - (“three years“) - is caused by birth of the first child. It as a litmus piece of paper reveals all intra family problems. If at the husband and the wife of the relation do not develop, after the birth of the kid of the spouse will meet even great difficulties. However crisis can arise also in a family where the husband with the wife worship in each other. The woman is absorbed at first by pregnancy, then - the kid, his health and development. The man involuntarily stands aside.
From the head of the family the wife waits for the help and psychological support, and receives dissatisfied grumble and indifference to the child. In this period the husband feels unloved, unnecessary, undeserved the deprived attention. As result - quieter representatives of a strong half of mankind become ardent workaholics, are late at work late, run away on it even during the week-end. Others, more active, have “a ball“: find a consolation in the companies of friends or - and it is worse than that - women. In this situation the wife has to help the husband to master a role of the father. It is necessary to trust a thicket the kid the father, to teach it to treat the child. You praise the spouse, you thank him, emphasize the importance of his help for you, you speak about the love. Also do not forget about the harmonious sexual relations!
the Following problem stage - “crisis of five years“. At this time life in a family flows measuredly. The child (and sometimes and not one) already matured, mother comes to work and as if rediscovers for himself the world. The woman feels interesting and independent and, at the same time, becomes psychologically unstable: seldom who manages to cope with duties of mother, wife and worker equally well. Some women decide to bring the lover to this period.
the Reason of the following crisis - “seven years“-. It seems to spouses that they were satiated with each other. The man most often decides on change, but seriously he does not think of withdrawal from a family, the initiator of divorce the woman becomes more often. The birth of the second (third) child rallies a family.
Crisis of “fourteen years“: according to psychologists, it arises from - for hormonal reorganizations of an organism of men and women. At women - the climax comes nearer, sexual activity increases (remember a national saying:“ Forty five - the woman a berry again“). At men, on the contrary, the potentiality decreases. To prove to themselves that they still “men though where“, some husbands get divorced from the wives again to establish a family with partners about 10 - 15 years younger. Perhaps, this crisis one of the most serious.
When in a family crisis?
Some psychologists do not tie crises to the number of the years which are in common lived by spouses. In other words, frequency of crises remains, but their schedules are moved up. For example, if in a family the child in five years of joint life was born, then crisis of “three years“ will welcome in this time.
About approach of crisis can be judged by some signs:
- the number of quarrels exceeds admissible limits or, on the contrary, in a family there are neither quarrels, nor disagreements; the husband and the wife do not devote to
- each other in the affairs and problems;
- do not have (or are present extremely seldom) intimate relations;
- workaholism of the man or woman;
- in attempt to discuss problems, the husband and the wife do not wish to accept each other position.
What to do?So if crisis was knocked to you at a door, you can use
the recommendations given below.be not afraid to tell
- about the emotions and to express feelings. Only open dialogue will help to resolve a conflict situation. At conversation do not accuse the husband of all mortal sins, do not reproach, do not shift the blame on it. Use reception “I - statements“: in your phrase there should not be words “you“, “from-for you“. For example, so - it is correct:“ It is very difficult for me recently. The kid grows up, requires more and more attention, and it is already difficult to me to cope one with household chores. It seems to me that I am unloved. Especially alone I feel in the evenings“. Incorrectly: “You as if on purpose late come back home every day. You as though do not see that I am with the last bit of strength beaten out. And from you any you will not wait for the help. You do not love me!“
Discuss questions on which you had disagreements with the husband. Try to reach compromise. For example, make the list of household chores, discuss with what of them you will be able independently to cope what - shift to the husband`s shoulders.
- do not manipulate the husband, refusing to it sexual proximity. Pay to this party of the relations special attention: arrange a dinner by candlelight, do not forget to send SMS - ki with the playful text, do not forget to kiss the spouse when it leaves for work.
If it seems to you that divorce not to avoid, remember all good that was between you. Many families faced crisis and safely left it. And your family will cope, put - everyday.