Game ways of the solution of the children`s conflicts
Each parent faces a problem of the children`s conflicts. Each mother and each father look for own strategy of behavior in case of quarrels between children. Someone is forced to live in the mode “and eternal fight, rest only dreams us“ (it most often concerns to the parents having two or more children), and for someone such situations - rare, but very unpleasant incident. Anyway, but all should look for ways of the solution of the children`s conflicts.we will consider
In this article how with it we could be helped by game.
But before passing directly to game ways of the solution of the children`s conflicts, we will stop on style of behavior to which the adult observing a quarrel situation has to adhere.
Rule 1. Not always should interfere with quarrels between children. As in any other activity, it is possible to learn to solve the conflicts only by participation in them. Do not prevent children to get such vital experience. However there are situations when non-interference of the adult can lead to serious problems for physical or emotional wellbeing of children. So, if one of quarreling is much younger or are weaker than other participant of the conflict and at the same time they are very close to a showdown fists, then it is necessary to stop them and to try to transfer quarrel again to the “speech“ course. The same treats a situation of interaction of two children, one of whom traditionally is won dispute and is forced to concede all the time. In this case, if you do not interfere during dispute, then at one of children the shyness and uncertainty in the forces and even in the rights can develop.
Rule 2. Interfering with the children`s conflict, never take a position of one of children at once even if it seems to you obvious who is right here and who is guilty. For the child behaving incorrectly it is absolutely not so simple. Therefore he will apprehend your fast court as injustice and partiality, so, will not begin to continue communication in which you act as the arbitrator. Try to understand objectively the causes of conflict and its current especially as usually adults see only part of “iceberg“, and this surface part not always allows to judge true problems and a contribution of children to the conflict.
Rule 3. Sorting a concrete situation of quarrel, you do not seek to act as the Supreme judge, defining right and guilty and choosing a punishment measure. It is better not to do analog of legal trial of the personal conflicts. Try to accustom children to thought that whoever began quarrel, responsibility for further succession of events is born always by two. Therefore, interfering with communication of children, try to show them as it is possible to find a way of an exit from a difficult situation which would suit both of them. Place emphasis not on “who is guilty?“, and on “what to do?“ . Helps to send to this course attention of the children who quarreled and eager for vengeance often sense of humour. If you joke and will show a situation in amusing light, then at once will notice how together with laughter at children their emotional state gradually changes.
Rule 4. Helping children to leave the conflict and to be exempted from the collected offense and rage, you watch that they did not become personal. Saying about what afflicted them or revolted, they have to describe actions and words of the partner, but not his physical or personal defects. That is it is admissible when the child complains that another pushed him around or roughly answered, but try not to allow expressions of type: “Yes he is a bear clumsy!“ or “It always such nervous and rude fellow!“ .
Rule 5. If you try to help to settle the conflict between two own children, then make efforts that children had no feeling that you love one of them (who was not guilty or whose fault less) more. Do not forget to explain aloud to the children that you very much love both of them what they made and therefore their quarrels very much afflict you. Even when you consider it necessary to punish one of children, all the same remind him that it is unpleasant to you, you very much love him and hope that he will understand advantage of punishment and will improve. Also take care of that your only son or the daughter had no doubts in the fortress of the related relations if you solve the conflict between your child and his friend. > “A world carpet“
the Carpet of the world it is better for p to make
together with the child in advance. For this purpose it is possible to take a piece of fabric and to paste (and it is better to sew) on it various patterns. It is possible to facilitate a task, having used a ready, big scarf on which it is possible to paste some symbols of peace and harmony. Remind adults of it a pigeon, the globe and to that similar symbols, but children can have other associations. Try to consider them. The main thing that the received creation was pleasant to yours to the son or the daughter and caused in them positive emotions.
When you see that children quarrel and already overstep the limits of decency in the statements, urgently use this carpet of the world. Explain to children that it is an unusual carpet. He helps people to calm down and reconcile if they quarreled. For this purpose spread a carpet on a floor and suggest children to sit down on it together. Now they can get up only friends. To descend from a carpet how children reconciled, it is forbidden. At that time when children sit on a carpet, they have to follow the following rules: it is impossible to touch the friend the friend and it is impossible to say anything, except the phrase “Went out - Tibi - spirit“. At the same time they can gesticulate as much as necessary, even waving fists. The main thing not to touch with them the second child.the Magic phrase the child can say
too as it is pleasant to it: if wants, he can terribly cry out it, can spitefully hiss, can mutter peevishly. Thus, amusing dialogue of two children sitting on a world carpet turns out. As a rule, they tell the phrases in turn and anyway react to emotional tone of such messages from the second child. You can not doubt that even if communication on a carpet of the world began with wild terrible shouts and the menacing swingings, then through some time children “will exhaust“ and tone “went out - Tibi -“ will become much quieter than spirits.
all of you this time can just sit next, monitoring observance of rules, and can give playful remarks of type: “Wow, as terribly!“ or “Horror, even I was frightened!“ It will help children to understand that their negative emotions achieved the objectives. When you feel that children already splashed out the offenses and rage, were tired a little and are ready to a truce, tell them that if they give each other hands, will be able to rise from a carpet of the world and to go together with you for walk (or offer still something pleasant). If children are morally ready to it, then let silently will connect little fingers. Then they acquire “vote“ again and can consolidate together with you friendship ritual execution “be reconciled - be reconciled - be reconciled and do not fight any more...“ .
Note. This game is very effective at its correct carrying out. The matter is that in the course of performance of a game task children have an opportunity to directly express the negative emotions, and to that addressee who caused them. At the same time, as they have no right to pronounce the offensive words typical for such process in real life, they have no new offenses and the feeling of rage and anger is not warmed up. The ban on “manhandling“ does not allow to arise to a fight, at the same time the child has the right to express the rage and physically: by means of movements, a mimicry, gestures. During such way of expression of habitual feelings, unusual for children, to them frequent it becomes ridiculous, and it means that they already halfway to reconciliation.by
In this game uses the same principle of the solution of the conflict, as in previous. Here the quarreled children will also acquire the right to express the emotions by means of intonations and even to come a little further - to call each other. Let you be not confused by such not pedagogical method! Children not the usual offensive words wounding their dignity, and by means of the special lexicon sounding ridiculously and unclear will be called. For this purpose it is possible to use any reference book on care of houseplants. It is desirable to have their two copies in time to give on one to the quarreled children. Then their quarrel will turn into such verbal duel: “The haworthia you is striped!“ - “Yes you koleus Blum!“ - “You know who? You - kolumneya fine-leaved!“ - “And you are a sedum krasnookrashenny!“ etc.
As you can see, such phrases resemble obzyvalka really superficially, but them it is difficult to wound self-esteem. Respectively, children will be able to express the offenses by means of intonations, but also, to lighten themselves mood, using words ridiculous and unknown to them which can give rise to amusing images in their imagination. When you notice final change of mood at children, offer them some interesting joint business or a constructive way of a solution, from - behind which they quarreled.
Note. Often disputes and quarrels of children turn into a fight as their lexicon for such cases comes to an end or at one child it is obvious more, than at another. Then the last begins to feel losing verbal fight and transfers it to “fist“. Here children will appear absolutely in equal positions, and their “bad“ lexicon will be unusually various, you support it with “the vegetable dictionary“. So the probability of a fight is practically reduced to zero.
“The story from the first person“
This game especially is useful to those parents whose children exhaust them, demanding restoration of justice and constantly complaining at each other. If at you it is impossible to provide to children to solve their problems independently, then it is possible to use such method.
Agree that you will listen to both children and you will try to help them to understand a situation. But under one condition. If your Andryusha tells that he did and Kolya, and Kolya - about Andryushe felt. That is children have to tell you of what happened, keeping the story on behalf of the second participant of quarrel and trying to imagine a situation from his point of view. At the same time it is necessary to speak from the first person, that is to begin the offer with words “I...“ or “to me...“ . That it was easier for children to trade mentally places, it is desirable during an explanation of rules to put them on chairs nearby with each other (better not opposite and not hand in hand, and at an angle at some distance). When game begins, children have to change on a chair where the second quarreled just sat. That they did not forget during the story about the one who are they in this game, it is possible to write their names on leaves and to give everyone “others“ name.
Of course, at first children will get off in the story and to be confused in personal and others` thoughts and feelings, it is natural. But all the same they will be forced to try to get up to the place of other person and to see a situation “from his belltower“. This useful quality which needs to be developed in children but also, it gives us (adults) moral strength to forgive (I understand - means, in many respects already I accept). If you manage to shift so focus in quarrel of children, then it will be easier to achieve positive perception of your summary about what really happened, and a consent with your offers on an exit from the conflicts By the way, to make these proposals it is possible to ask children, and it is better let each of them will tell that, in his opinion, Kolya (Andryusha) would like to make to reconcile and solve a problem.
Note. If this game goes with great difficulty, then probably at your children the strong egocentric position remains and they are not able to put themselves to the place of other person and to see someone`s interests and emotions, except the. Well, then systematic and laborious work in this direction is necessary to you. Having put clashing on chairs, listen at first in turn to own versions of each child about an event. But warn them that they remembered what is told by the second brother or the sister. You do not render any verdict at this stage. When children tell everything that wanted, replace them and then already you hold the game “The Story from the First Person“. When experience of such unusual “complaints“ is complete, pay attention of children that they had general feelings, common interests that somewhere they just did not understand each other etc. Do not forget to ask them that they felt, keeping the story on behalf of other person and as now plan a way out.
“the Superangry letter on superdisgraceful act“
As you, probably, guessed according to the name of this game, in it we will solve a problem of the child of indignation who arose in soul, giving it the chance to describe the state as I drill, and unpleasant incident - as trouble of global scale. Sometimes it seems that children of it also wait from adults - the superattentive relation and superserious perception of small troubles of children`s life. So give them such opportunity. Especially as for the child the small negative event of his life is valid can seem huge and terrible incident.
So, helping the quarreled children to leave the conflict, resolutely refuse to listen to them. Refer to affairs or to fatigue from their quarrels. Part children on different rooms and leave for some time (for about fifteen minutes) one alone with a sheet of paper and the handle. During this time they can state all the complaints in writing. Pay attention that they have to try to exaggerate as much as possible all the experiences about it, and also to immensely exaggerate faults of the second person.When letters will be written to
, read them. For certain they will seem to you amusing, in this case praise the child for such “literary gift“ and with all the heart laugh. By this time passions will already cease and your son (or the daughter) will be adjusted on more optimistical (it is possible even to tell, yumoristichny) a wave. Arrive also with the letter of the second child.
If these letters turned out not offensive, but really ridiculous, then you can play a role of the judge and read “structure of charge“ to each “defendant“, having seated them nearby. The main thing, put on a serious official look, and after reading of charges take out some terrible punishment to one and other guilty. For example, solemnly declare that “Ivanov Petya, the pupil of the fifth class, is accused of a crime against Ivanov`s identity Roofing felts and as punishment it is sentenced to eating of cream of wheat“. The similar sentence is pronounced also to his brother. It is possible to sentence children to reconciliation and the concrete help each other in some affairs, and it is even better - to the joint business useful to the house, for example cleaning in the room.
Note. It is natural that such comic trial of the conflict is possible only in that case when you understand that there was nothing serious. If an event, from - for whom children quarreled, really deserves attention, then it is better to resort to traditional conversation or the game “The Story from the First Person“.
“The tragicomedy without words“
Is one more way to turn in perception of the child the tragedy into the comedy. It perfectly will approach for two small (or not really small) the yabednik seeking to give the events in light, favorable to them, and to involve in trial of parents.
agree not to listen to them This time, and to look. Inform children that continuous quarrels bored you, and if they want to you again to tell of them, then they should put a performance (or the ballet) on this subject. Let will send you tickets to the first row! It is possible really to ask them to make for you the invitation, having thought up the name to a performance. It will switch their attention to more peace wave. If rage of children is to each other not too big, moto zhno demand from them joint production of the invitation card.
When you receive the invitation, take seat more conveniently and you watch the ballet or the movie without words. Children have to reproduce the course of the events which led to the conflict on house “scene“. They can move, in every possible way gesticulate and represent horror, anger or, on the contrary, sufferings and vulnerability on the faces, but cannot say at the same time any sounds. The similar mute story, of course, will be very unusual for children. Therefore their attention will concentrate on subtleties of acting skills and on how to inform you of “real truth“. At the same time involuntary supervision over such aping and grimaces from other child will inevitably raise at them a smile. So during a performance of emotion of children for certain will change.
If young actors stop “on the most interesting place“ (that is will show only quarrel), then represent the indignant viewer who gave money not for a half-performance, and for whole and therefore demands the happy termination. They did not think up it? So let think! If they need time, then let will declare an interval, you have a bite in buffet so far. And if them are actors extra - a class, then let improvise and think out resolution of conflict at once, on a scene. If children really manage to resolve a problem by “art methods“, then shout “Bravo!“ applaud and take autographs from such masters of a scene! You do not stint delights concerning their independent search of the decision. In gratitude for pleasantly spent leisure-time suggest them to participate in some interesting business together with you. These can finish a truce.
Note. Of course, there can be cases when children are not capable to think up option of a peace ending of a performance. Then you can offer them the help of the screenwriter (that is again yours) and to hide behind the scenes together with young talents. When your idea is apprehended, again return to “auditorium“ and take the place of honor.