Rus Articles Journal

My history

I Want to tell the story. Perhaps, she will help women to make a right choice... I killed happiness with the hands - made abortion.

With the husband we together 10 years, 5 of which are married, but about 2 years ago in a family the strong dissonance began, after numerous offenses and reproaches we agreed to divorce in a year when our long-awaited apartment which we at first will repair and we will sell is built, and after we will officially issue divorce. Rented together apartment, but lived as neighbors. We have a little son, he will be 5 years old soon. It was at first heavy to reconcile to such situation, cried at the nights...

to me advised to vanish, find

In half a year after dissonance the man for the relations without obligations. Having been tired of gray everyday life and routine, I decided and to make - was registered in a dating site... Squall of offers fell down, chose the most nice, correspondence began, it was married, but it did not confuse me, looked for the relations without obligations. And still - it turned out that we work in one organization. Met, pleasant each other and “rushed“. This year - year of our relations - was best year in my life, I am not sorry about anything, I fell in love, it said that too. I am sorry only about one: I relaxed and became pregnant, contraceptive candles which I used for several years did not save. Before me there was a difficult choice: to give birth to the kid and to remain one with two children though darling said that he will not leave the krovinochka and will be me and children to support financially, but will not leave a family. I perfectly understood everything, I about it never had any illusions and hopes.


Or to make abortion - the solution of all problems. The first time I registered in abortion when the term of pregnancy was 5 weeks, but could not take this step, escaped from clinic at the last minute, unlucky days, toxicosis, insults of the husband, a tear every day, at work of a problem began, just there was a wish to die. I heart very much wanted to leave the child, and my reason prompted me other option. The husband went to business trip, I sent the son to the South with the grandmother, and there was one within four walls, in private with the problems. As they say, “included a brain“, considered everything...

I on May 24 went for abortion, I will never forget this terrible date. Everything happened as though not to me. It is terrible, not to tell when you give money to the doctor that he killed your child. Everything occurred quickly. I regained consciousness from an anesthesia with ice on a stomach, on that place where there was “lodge“ of my kid, his small world. Also understanding that I made the most terrible, not expiable mistake in the life, in my soul emptiness for the rest of life now, emptiness which I with anything and nobody will never fill came. It is terrible, there was gray hair, and me only 29 years.

I Keep thinking

of deeds, I cannot sleep, I pay in nights, I try to give myself full-time job that though any time not to think of the son killed by me or the daughter... Terribly... Never I will kiss my kid in warm small puziko any more, never he will present me the first smile, I will never hear his children`s gentle voice... I will never have the second baby if is sometime - that already only the third...

Ya I do not look for a justification to the act, wrote this letter with hope - can be, it will help to keep life to at least one still not born, “unplanned“ kid.