Education of boys. Part I
Education of boys - not female occupation. So considered in ancient Sparta and therefore early separated sons from mother, transferring them to care of tutors - men. So considered also in old Russia. In noble families since the birth the male baby was looked after not only by the nurse, but also serf “uncle“, and to six - seven-year-old boys invited not governesses, but tutors. Boys from the lowest estates just owing to vital circumstances were quickly dipped on man`s Wednesday, joining man`s affairs. It is enough to remember the axiomatic poem of N. A. Nekrasov “Country children“ to which hero only six (!) years, and he already carries from the wood home firewood, perfectly copes with a horse and feels like the supporter of a family.
And labor education of boys was considered as a duty of the father or other adult men of a family.“ Observers unanimously confirm a conclusion about an exclusive role of the father and in general the senior men in a family in education of sons“, - the researcher of the Russian country life historian N. A. Minenko wrote. Only as a last resort, when men were not near, - men the woman got a role of the tutor.
However in the 20th century everything changed, and education, the farther, the more becomes especially female occupation. In kindergarten “moustached the nurse“ it is possible to meet unless only at cinema. And in school of the man are not torn. How many they there called, all the same practically at any school of teachers is one many less, than teachers.
In such situation the main loading falls on a family, but and in a family not all children have before eyes an example of the man! The number of single mothers grows. As well as number of uniparous families. Without any exaggeration it is possible to tell that millions of modern boys are deprived of serious man`s influence during the most important period of the development when they put polo stereotypes - role behavior. And as a result they acquire female installations, female outlooks on life.
of Dignity of the man:“ moderation and accuracy“. And still ability to embroider with a smooth surface
On classes in psychology we give to children the small test: we ask to draw a short flight of stairs from ten steps and to write a merit of the person on each step. Above - the most important, below - in their opinion, the least significant. The result impresses. Quite often boys - teenagers specify among the most important lines of the good person... diligence, assiduity, accuracy. Just still ability to embroider with a smooth surface is not called! And here courage if is present, then at one of the last steps.
And mothers who cultivate such ideas of life in sons complain then of their lack of initiative, inability to fight back the offender, unwillingness to overcome difficulties. Though from where here to undertake to desire to overcome difficulties? What hourly if not every minute, sons in many families hear?“ There do not go - dangerously, do not do - you will be wounded, do not lift weight - you will overstrain, do not touch, do not climb, do not dare...“ About what initiative it is possible to speak at such education?!
Of course, the fear of mothers is clear. The son - only (hyper guardianship uniparous families suffer most often), and mothers are afraid, as if to the boy there was no something bad. Therefore, they argue, it is better to be reinsured. But similar approach is humane only at first sight. You ask why? Yes because actually behind it egoistical reasons are concealed. Sinning with special attention to the child, mothers and grandmothers bring up it for themselves, bring up it what is convenient to them. Also do not think seriously of consequences. Though it is necessary to reflect. Even from the egoistical point of view it is not far-sighted. Muffling courage in the child, women distort the man`s nature, and so rough violence cannot remain unpunished. And it will surely strike with a ricochet the family.
Twelve-year-old Pasha looked for about nine years. Answering questions (even on the simplest, such as: “At what school you study?“, “What movies you love?“ ), he contracted in a lump, fingered edge of a sweater, spoke, without raising eyes. And constantly shivered as though the clothes rubbed to it skin. He was tormented by fears, he did not fall asleep in the dark, one was afraid to stay at home. At school too everything was not as at all. Leaving to a board, Pasha murmured something unintelligible though he knew a lesson on teeth. And before control it began such fever that he could not fall asleep at half of the night and each two minutes ran in a toilet. In initial classes the Pasha was often beaten, using that he dared to hit back. Now pokolachivat less because little girls began to intercede. But pleasures to Pasha as you understand, it does not add. He feels a pettiness and escapes from burdensome thoughts, steeping to the world of computer games. There he feels invincible and breaks numerous enemies.
- Earlier read so much, with pleasure went to theater, to the museums. Now refuses everything and for days on end stays in front of the computer, - mother grieves Pashin, without understanding that she drove him into a corner.
Such is an approximate portrait of the weak-willed boy crushed by hyper guardianship. The same who is internally more feasible begin to show negativism and display behavior.
- I do not understand what befell my son. There was a normal person, and now everything gives a hostile reception. You to it the word, it to you - ten. And main thing, any responsibility! You will charge to buy something - will spend money absolutely for another moreover will compose about three boxes. Eternally strives to make in defiance, to get into some adventure. Keeps all our family in suspense, behind it an eye yes an eye is necessary as for small, - Yura`s mother complains, without understanding too who is guilty in it rebelliously - infantile tricks.
as a result at teenage age both boys, quite possibly, will get to so-called “risk group“. The pasha can fall the victim of violence and make suicide attempt, Yura - to throw study, to be fond of hard rock and a disco, to have a ball in search of easy money, to conceive a liking for vodka or drugs. In other words, even health of the child - some kind of purpose for the sake of which his courage was sacrificed - and that will not be reached!
School of courage
If seriously to think of the future of the son, then it is not necessary to control each his step. Though, of course, each parent defines a risk measure itself, proceeding from the characterologic features and from psycho - physical features of the child. One my acquaintance, really iron lady, brings up the sons on a sample of ancient Spartans. The two-year-old kid stamps near it on the mountain under the scorching sun. And to top it is a little - many one and a half kilometers! Also goes at the other end of the world to bathe together with the elder brother to whom most - that just - only as at Nekrasov, “the sixth passed“... Even it is terrible to me to listen about it, and she considers that differently it is impossible to bring up sons simply.
But, I think that to most of mothers such approach not on temper. Whether it is better to prefer golden mean?by
For a start make a sortie on a playground and observe the children walking there under supervision of fathers. Pay attention, fathers treat falling of the kids how more quietly. They do not otvazhivat sons from the dangerous place, and help them to overcome difficulties. Also encourage instead of stopping, straightening out. It is also man`s type of reaction which is not enough in education of present boys.
In general, to fathers it is usually easier to cope with sons, than to mothers. It is the fact. But explanations for it are offered different. Most often wives say that their husbands more rare see children, face them in life less often, and sons on them “have less allergy“. But I am convinced that here put in another. If the child has normal relations with mother, so he is only glad when she stays at home more. And it on it has no “allergy“! And here when mutual understanding is absent when banal toothbrushing develops into a problem, then “allergy“, of course, develops.Is not present
, just fathers were boys and did not forget the childhood yet. For example, they remember how humiliating you feel when you are afraid to hit back. Or when to you as if to the silly little chap, dictate what cap to put on what scarf to tie. Therefore observe what fathers concede to sons in and in what, on the contrary, are firm as flint. Also try to estimate it objectively, without the concealed offenses. Men are quite often right, accusing wives that they razbalovat sons, and then cry with it.
Certainly, education of courage takes place in different age differently. In absolutely still the small, two-year-old child it is possible and it is necessary to encourage endurance. But only not as adults try to make, uttering the fallen kid: “What do you roar? To you it is not painful! Be a man!“ Similar “education“ leads to what years in 5 - 6 lad to whom humiliations bothered, declares: “And I am not a man! Leave alone me“. It is better to proceed from “an innocence presumption“: time he cries, so it is necessary to it that it was regretted. He hit or was frightened - not very well. The main thing that the kid needs psychological support of parents, and is cruel to refuse it. And here when he will hit and will not begin to cry, it It should be noted and praising the son, having placed emphasis on his courage:“ Well done! Here that the real guy means. Another would begin to cry, and you endured“.
In general you pronounce the word “boy“ with epithets “courageous“ and “hardy“ more often. Kids, as a rule, hear at this age that they “good“ are obedient. And in the early childhood many acoustical and visions are imprinted at the level of subconsciousness. It is known that the people hearing once in infancy the foreign speech easily master subsequently this language and differ in a good pronunciation even if begin to learn language from scratch later many - many years. The same happens also to ideas of life and people. Early impressions scar and subsequently invisibly direct our many acts.
of Three - to the chetyregodovaly child should buying more “man`s“ toys. Not only guns and machines. I already wrote that it is useful to acquaint sons with man`s professions. In addition, it will distract the child from the computer, from uncountable virtual murders which generate in children`s soul only fears and bitterness. >
It is very good to p to combine stories with role-playing games, buying or making for them different attributes: helmets of firemen, ship steering wheel, militia staff... It is better that these toys were not really bright. Diversity is for little girls. Choose quiet, reserved, courageous tone, suggestion goes not only at the level of words, but also at the level of color.
of Five - six-year-old boys usually show interest to stolyarno - to metalwork tools. Be not afraid to give them in hands the hammer or a penknife. Let learn to hammer nails, to plane, saw. Under supervision of adults, of course, but nevertheless independently.
The earlier the boy will begin to help someone from adult men, the better. Even if help its purely symbolical. Let`s tell, in time to stretch to the father the screw-driver too very important. It ennobles the boy in own eyes, allows it to feel the participation in “the real business“.
Well, and fathers, of course, should not be irritated if the son does something not as it is necessary. And especially it is inadmissible to shout:
- At you hands not from that place grow!
Such hail can achieve only that at the son all hunting to help will be gone.
“When to us the mechanic comes, - the head mistress of one kindergarten paying very much attention to development in boys of male qualities, and in girls - female told me, - I specially send boys to it to help, and they queue. At us as, in other everywhere, there are a lot of children from incomplete families, and for some it is the only opportunity to join man`s occupations“. >
to Lonely mothers it is very important to p to adopt this simple reception. Most of teenagers of “risk group“ - from incomplete families. Without having before eyes of a positive example of man`s behavior, boys easily copy negative. With consequences, very deplorable for. Therefore try to find among the relatives, friends or neighbors of the person who at least sometimes could acquaint the little boy with some man`s business. And when the son will a little grow up, find out what in your area there are circles and sections where men teach. Do not regret forces, find the head who would fit on heart to your boy. Believe, it will pay off a hundredfold.Already at the advanced preschool age of boys should focus
on the knightly attitude towards girls.
In the same kindergarten children so got used to pass girls forward that once when the teacher forgot about this rule, at a door the jam was formed: boys did not want to pass before girls. We on occupations in our psychological theater praise boys too for nobility manifestation when they agree that girls acted the first. Also we see how well it affects their self-assessment and relationship in group.
Having been admitted to school, the child passes into other age category, becomes “big“. It is a propitious moment and for further development of courage. Begin to accustom him to that he gave way in the subway to elderly people.with what readiness of the boy, even four-year small fry, chairs start moving
A! As they are happy when they are called athletes! Still, public recognition of courage is worth a lot...
It is really a problem, not at all families room conditions allow the child to sate his physical activity. And adults now strongly are tired, and therefore do not take out excess noise. However to boys it is just necessary both to make a noise and to play pranks and to fight. Certainly, not for the night that they were not overexcited. And, certainly, adults should watch that boyish fuss did not develop into slaughter. But absolutely it is impossible to deprive of children of an opportunity to splash out energy. Especially that which attend kindergarten or go to school. Many of them in foreign collective restrain with the last bit of strength, and if and houses reduce them to a servile obedience, children can have a nervous breakdown.
Boys in general on average more noisy and aggressive, than girls. These are features of a floor. And mothers should not stop it, and to improve, ennoble, elevirovat. Prompt to the son interesting subject turns of the game “in war game“. Romaticize it, having suggested it to be transferred mentally to old times, to imagine itself the Old Russian hero, the Scandinavian Viking or the medieval knight. Make to it for this purpose cardboard armor and a sword. Buy some colourful, interesting book or a videotape which will force to waken his imagination.