Divorce and maiden name of
If marriages consist in heaven, then it is quite good that there were also heavenly stains. Because how to divide in common acquired property, it is written down in the family code, and how to the general friends to invite you to birthdays if you do not talk the second month, anywhere words. The judge can decide destiny of the apartment, the car and computer, but the past and memoirs not in its jurisdiction.
If the former spouse (spouse) does not leave quickly on the desert island, for the Arctic expedition or at least to relatives for one thousand kilometers, most likely, it is necessary somehow with it (with it) to build up the new relationship. Whether there will be it the full ignore list, gentle friendship or silent hostility, depends on the reasons and circumstances of divorce, personal qualities both of you and even on behavior of people around.
Scenario 1. Tear off and throw out
Usually it is realized when parting “on - bad“. When unloved, but once loved one, behaves inadequately, exhausts phone calls and tries to spoil to you life, quiet refusal of contact - the only exit. Here it is important not to give in on provocation: not to get into conversations, a muzzle not to beat, not to violate the criminal code. To demonstrative suicides not to rush like mad through all city, and to send friends, the family or emergency mental health services.Burning of bridges is justified by
if each meeting with “former“ hurts and prevents to look forward. The main thing, having called distance and time in doctors, to be consecutive and not to go in cycles in the past. Contraindication here one: presence of children.
Scenario 2. Border from cactuses
Not always, having left, it is possible to delete the person from the present for the most different reasons: children, business, property questions, friends yes friends, relatives... Then there is a need to define borders of cooperation and the territory where “former“ there is no entrance. For example, to ask to take away the son from school it is possible, and to make a claim from - for the fact that you came to birthday of the general friends with a new passion - no.
Placing “cactuses“, do not take offense if in reply you run on a similar prickle already from the former partner.
Scenario 3. Return, I will forgive all
When there is not enough courage to put the end to the relations, slow parting begins. In such situation well does not happen to anybody. But if you the moral masochist, then pleasure of infinite half-words and torments it is possible to stretch for a long time.
By the way, agreeing to participate in the similar farce, you should not rush then reproaches “you to me spoiled all life!“ . It is necessary to be responsible for own indecision with the missed opportunities.
Scenario 4. I will cruelly revenge
to Repeat that revenge - destiny weak and diffident, probably, there is no sense. Having played dirty trick on another, you will not correct the past. But if it seems to you that it will be so easier - revenge. Only without involvement of the third parties as the victims. >
Previously it makes sense to consider p what positive phones ex-will give personally to you - a half under the announcement “I render sex - services to rich ladies and gentlemen“, its folder with gray accounts department on a table of the tax inspector or something is worse. He is a rascal and deserved? And what sense to spend forces and time for the rascal?...
Small secret: the best way to sweep, than to become happy and successful without this person, it is not thought up yet.
Scenario 5. The best friends
The less lie was in the union, the chance is more, having left, to keep the normal relations. The person can be the unimportant husband (or the wife), but at the same time the beautiful friend - and to lose him only because the relations became obsolete, probably, is not necessary. However, with friends - being everything it is not always smooth: the feeling of the owner is not present and will leap (causticity to a passion of former will be released, being drunk will check for resistance to former charms).the Gap needs to accept
It not always simply, especially, if is together endured much. But, forgive for banality - parting opens new opportunities. Even if you did not want them - now it is necessary either to lower hands, or to use chance. In soul a hole? It needs to be sewn up, zarashchivat, smoothed down, but not to expand...
A here if “former“ interfere with your new relations: do small and not really dirty tricks, are accustomed to call at night, to check what you are engaged in and in every possible way spoil life, you are guilty of it. Mount upon a neck only to those who hold up it.
Nine steps from being to free
- to Sort out the relations up to the end of
do not keep illusions and hopes. State everything that you consider it necessary, record a final gap. The mentality reconciles to things which we cannot change easier.
- to remain on the ashes
it is heavy to think of the past in the house where everything reminds that it was. Do not do the mausoleum of former love of the apartment. Get rid of things “ex-half“ and everything that casts sad thoughts. The less reasons for memoirs, the better.
- to Change
, but not to throw out
the Become empty regiments and cases, traces from photos on wall-paper, free Friday evening which earlier you spent together... All this reason for despondency? Then urgently fill emptiness! Throwing out a photo, frame another, plan Fridays chock-full. Throwing out it (or it) a thing, buy something the new in exchange.
- not to throw away friends
If the friend of your former family does not want to make the choice between you (“either he, or I“), it is yet not an occasion to quarrel with it. The neutrality deserves respect. Delete from a notebook unless those who communicated with you not personally but only complete with “eksy“. If rolls desires to send all to hell - in advance ask not to take offense at you and do not hesitate to apologize.
- to Expand with
Even if today precisely and there is no wish to see anybody, it is not necessary to put an end to communication. You cannot get on in the world - find the one who will force you to communicate (to study dances, driving or even to receive the second highest).
- to Fight for a survival
So far we get a daily bread literally of this word, on lyrics there is no time. So the person is arranged: at first he needs to eat, drink and feel safe, and then already to reflex. So if at heart it is absolutely bad, arrange yourself fight for a place in the sun - ways much.
not to call
- former when it is bad
for this purpose there are friends, your psychologist or, eventually, a telephone hotline. It is possible to correct past mistakes only in the future. Call being then when at you everything is good if, of course, want...
- to Fall in love with itself and to change
It seems now that without couple ahead there will be nothing good. If fall in love with yourself, then correct what you consider as shortcomings, and look for what brings joy.
At the same time recognize others (first of all for being) the right not to love you. Yes, they have to it the right - not to love, not to want, not to wish to see, not to call. You in reply have the right not to wait from them for anything. To allow himself not to wait and not to hope terribly difficult, but to live after that much easier.
- do not refuse attention of an opposite sex
Even if now there is a wish for nothing, it is not an occasion to refuse flirtation - better to tell the truth that there is no readiness for the relations, and there will hardly be a sex. Then you will understand. Well, and if you have a ball, then do it not to spite of former, and just for the hell of it.
B than a difference between people free and those who got stuck in the status “ex-“? The second in the questionnaire write “is divorced / is divorced“ instead of “is not married / is single“. Of course, it is a joke, but over “former“, anyway, the former relations prevail, and the free person builds the life, taking experience, but not looking back.