Reflections of mother of
Ya not the psychologist. And not the teacher. I am just a mother. And as any mother I think of children much. There are my reflections.
Walking with Lisa in the evenings, especially, when she small fell asleep in a baby sling and serenely there snuffled, having buried a nose in my breast, I often thought of how it is necessary in life to children whom parents and whose childhood passed in orphanage refused. But these reflections not about those children, and about “normal“ children. And about ours. Which live with parents at home.
When you become mother when you take the first time on hands of the child, other values, other that were in life before come to life absolutely. The child - the whole world, but this world as from the sun all live, depends on mother. Mother for the child are both god, and the tsar, the person who pardons and punishes and on which the child depends entirely. He asks for help of mother and begs about protection, even when is not able to speak yet. I cannot even present as far as the maternal instinct has to be atrophied to leave forever a being, so dependent on you, - the child. When I look in the face of the daughter who sees how I (excuse) I close a toilet door when I see universal despair in her eyes, my heart is ready to become torn from as far as it is sincere. Such it was created by Mother Nature. It or the Lord enclosed so much love and affections for that who presented life in its tiny head. The child just is not able to lie, pretend to be and be insincere as adults. He is not able to constrain and hide the feelings. And I do not understand what hatred to small children it was necessary to reach to accuse them of cunning and a manipulation.
Ya never thought of it till the birth of the child. I as if always knew that the child has to sleep in a separate bed, and it is even better in the certain room. That the child cannot be accustomed to hands and to indulge his desires. I grew up with this understanding. And sacredly believed that so it also is actually, did not give birth the yet. And still I am surprised where all this knowledge before desire to protect and press to a breast of the shouting kid got to, before desire to feed and calm. Before the fact what is called a maternal instinct and that as it seems to me, has to be born in each woman, then, when her child is born. Of course, doctor Spock was not a woman. From where to it was to know what is it. But I cannot understand how it is possible to trust recommendations of any ingenious “experts“ on the childhood, so far as concerns own feelings to the own child.Watching
parents, I came to a conclusion that now parents are divided into two irreconcilable “camps“. The first is made by those who are afraid of the child (I will call it the general word) “to razbalovat“. The second is made by those who do not want “to nedolyubit“ the child. It is seldom possible to meet those who treat “golden mean“ both in thoughts, and in education. It seems that it is absent just. And I am surprised as far as representatives of the “first“ group try to pull down from hands or to pull out from baby slings of children of representatives of the “second“ group. The second just look at children of the first group with a big regret, understanding that, probably, it is impossible to explain something to the person which so does not feel.When I watch
at the girlfriends who became mothers, I cannot understand from where this maniacal desire of the child to change, remake, make it not such as it is put by the nature. It is possible to characterize it in a word only this way - “to train“. Or as it is accepted to call it “to cultivate“. Words, far on sense, become practically synonyms.
Of course, it is possible to understand logic of “tutors“. Such “well-mannered“ child brings upon parents much less trouble. Humility does the child convenient. But “tutors“ do not speak about it. Training takes place 100% under the auspices of care and protection of the child. Only protection interestingly against what? From him, probably. I need only to guess. And here, most likely, there is also the most irreparable. Introducing councils of “tutors“ in life and trying to make thus the kid as much as possible independent and communicative, there is a boomerang effect - the child grows up closed and diffident. Already it is possible to read about it. But it turns out that councils of thirty-year prescription remains more popular among most of parents, just because this way it is simple to act to parents more conveniently.with
Probably, some tone of my reflections will surprise or will revolt. I will honestly tell - became painful. Strongly became painful and it becomes more sick with each case confirming my thoughts. I will tell.
girlfriends Come from work on a visit. Having learned that I carry Lisa in a baby sling, one of them - the indisputable authority in our ranks in children`s education - exclaims:- Watch
, carry more accurately, and that you will accustom to hands.
Of course, it the care of me, my child and our future directs. I feel a wave of indignation and I do not maintain.
“Well for nonsenses“, - I say.
I the thought comes again: “Even if I will spoil, well all of you so worry about me! To me to live with my child, but not to you“.
Or classical case. “Clear! You have a manual child“, - the masseur complains. And with regret looks at me. “I hope, to sleep with myself you do not put?“ - and scans me. Negatively I wind the head.“ Well, then it is fine,“ - it makes the final diagnosis.
I Feel guilty. Before whom? Before it, perhaps? I try to explain (by inexperience) that I just love the daughter. Naturally, it is useless. It leaves, and in soul all the same there is a deposit. You know how I call it now - “any pleasures for your money“. You pay them, and for it also comment on you.
Then to Lisa was 2 months old. Now one and a half years. I and nothing explain for a long time to nobody. Already learned not to react to phrases “Why you carry it? It that, patient?“
However, interesting logic. Probably, following it, patients are worth be carried.
Strange logic. When get a room doggie, for some reason are not afraid to razbalovat it. And on hands carry, and under the blanket put. And when saw how the shouting child is carried in a carriage, and the doggie is born on hands, did not sustain and solved. I will write about it. Let I will state not the most popular point of view. But honestly and with all the heart.also I write
Ya it because became painful, and did not begin to interfere. And whether there is a sense? I cannot return the early childhood of the person and understand why he treats the children quite so. Probably, he did not receive enough love and tendernesses in due time. And now time to give it to the children came, and there is nothing to give. It is a pity. Pain and a regret all the same remain with me. Pain for our children. I began with thoughts of children without parents. And many others have these parents.
Probably, my trouble that I will never learn to be indifferent. Therefore maybe girlfriends at me becomes less. Perhaps, unfortunately, and can be fortunately, change of outlook and revaluation of values are not in vain. There is no wish to lead him to situations of an acute shortage of time with those who do not share your views and to spend time for meaningless discussions.summing up of
I the result of the reflections, I want to notice once again - it is a pity that in our life the words “education“ and “training“ became synonyms. And why the child behaving as it is convenient to his parents or tutors is well well-mannered. And convenience of parents and tutors forms the basis of education of the child. But not interests and needs of the child about which, as a rule, much it is only told.