I will tell a fatherly instinct of
Ya to you most important and “terrible“ at once: no “fatherly instinct“ in the nature exists. Also forget about oxytocin which is allegedly collecting in a man`s organism by 35 - 40 years and other “factors“ which are so well described in female luster.
of Congenital instincts at us only three - self-preservation, food and sexual. And the last two if to argue logically, are nothing else as manifestation of the first. With food everything is extremely clear:“ it is necessary to eat to live“. The sexual instinct can be considered how a reproduction instinct - preservations of in space and time at least in the form of genetic material. Nothing in common with an “instinctive“ rush to put on pampers the child squealing in night it has.
By the way, and “maternal instinct“ per se does not exist. Remember animals: they conceive, give birth and care for posterity, but only only until achievement by cubs of age of independent independent existence. Left, trained in skills, necessary for a survival, - and released in life. If several years later one individual comes on the territory another, the fact that they have each other close relatives will be deeply indifferent for both.
But despite animal human nature, it all - not an animal. It is movable not only unconditioned reflexes - the instincts but also conditional - developed, as during civilization history, and acquired in a family, a sandbox, school, society. And in this program installed over a basic complete set it is accurately stated:“ The man has to build the house, plant a tree, grow up the son“.
But we are so socialized that ceased to reckon that the house the man can construct not one, put or root out the whole wood and grow up not only the son, and and a couple of daughters. Or in general - anybody. This its biological, actual and legal right.
the Modern man, as a rule, not too thinks of a reproduction. It`s not true carefully as the woman, monitors tick of “biological“ hours - the male healthy individual is much longer capable to conception. To it, as a rule, not an essence important that all are already married around, and it did not descend in the REGISTRY OFFICE yet; did not look pretty in these wonderful overalls for pregnant women; did not feed with a breast and did not go it is proud before the bewitched girlfriend with a latest model of a carriage in which the nice baby doll who is dressed up in the latest fashion the Cherkizovsky market started up bubbles. Men are others. Despite the general for us unconditioned reflexes, men are focused first of all on the house and a tree - in all of them forms. That was what to transfer. And only then, lovely ladies, on the son or the daughter. That was to whom. whether
it Means that the man by default does not want the child? Does not mean. Whether means this that the carrier Y - chromosomes is not capable to love the child? In any time. Both wants, and it is capable. Especially, if he loves you.
to Him can palm off on the photo fine as angels, babies from the magazine. To spread a sweet puddle at the sight of the child in pink or blue. It is possible to say that you passion as want the child incessantly. Eventually, it is possible to become pregnant and give rise. It is unlikely it will be against. Especially, if he loves you.
Besides, he can want the child. And incessantly to palm off on you photos fine as angels, babies from the magazine. To spread a sweet puddle at the sight of the child in pink or blue. Can incessantly say that he passion as wants the child. Eventually, can make to you it and together with you to go to a maternity welfare unit and even to go in rodzat. It is unlikely you will be against. Especially, if you love it.with
the Man is irritated not necessarily by the changes connected with change of your mode, figure and emotionality. It can absolutely quietly - far more quietly you - to rise at night, with pleasure to walk with a tricycle in park. To read to the child of the book and to wipe snivels, to learn to go to a pot and to fishing, telling a story to Ancient Greece on the road. Or not to do all above-mentioned. He can just love both of you. Three. Four. Or not to love.Because all of us - are very individual
. There is no universal formula of fatherly love or dislike. But the fatherly love, unlike a fatherly instinct, exists. Just this love of other nature, than maternal.
to Men can belong to children, as to people, but not as to property. With all that it implies sympathies, antipathies and other emotional components of relationship between people. The fatherly love is not so blind as maternal. It can be severe - objective or... indifferent. In this sense in the man it is more from an animal, than from a civilization: to conceive, leave, care, learn to skills, necessary for a survival, - here the best and highest manifestations of man`s love. And for this purpose they should not be near a cub day and night. Especially, if he does not love you any more.
Everything that in this option of succession of events you can make - not to ache, not to complain, not to complain to girlfriends and mother of what he is a geek - threw you and the child. Does not see, does not hear, does not call, does not come. Because if it it is valid not the geek, then you will make such texts all in order that it to them became. At least, in the opinion of the child. Ladies, same man. It is easier for it to build the new house, to plant a new tree and to grow up one more son, than to turn aside constantly from the falling overlappings in the old house, to try to recover the dried-up trunk and to embrace the child who took on trust that “the father does not love it“. And if it and really not really good father, what you change the “active actions“, except mentality of the child? If you did not manage to make out “swine“ in due time, then be reasonable - do not cripple children`s soul. In you there is “maternal instinct“!
Of course, this subject is not so simple that it could be laid in a format of journal article. It is possible to argue that the man begins “to love“ the child at the age of one and a half - two years, of course, further. Like, before he does not perceive it. That the truth though life disproved this “powerful“ psychologism more than once. There is a huge number of fathers who at early age were bigger mother for the baby (read “nurse“), than the woman who gave birth to him. There are many men who, having left a family, do not stop being fathers. Especially, if ex-wives do not go crazy and do not turn in the character of the novel of John Irving “While I will not find you“ - Alice whose motto was:“ We are delivered in a set. Either together, or in any way“. Also there is a huge number of the males who at all forgot about existence of children regardless of behavior of their mothers. It is already not so much legal how many a psychological problem.“Members of one family seldom are born
under the same roof“, the old Tibetan proverb says. I do not know how there with a fatherly instinct, and happy children grow in families where mother and the father love each other. Even if it is not their biological father. And sometimes - even mother. The last, however, is much more rare. Because whatever strange it seemed to you, ability to love - talent for love, a love instinct, perhaps - in the ordinary normal man much more, than in the ordinary normal woman. In it where as the owner`s instinct is stronger. Therefore the man will love the child - if he loves you. And to it it is not important at all, whether from it this child. Because it is his child. So instead of spending life for examination who to whom ran into debt not only and not just money more, but also feelings, emotions, and “a fatherly instinct“ it is necessary just to live. You look, somewhere there is your house, your tree and your man. And even if at it was not and there are no children, it does not mean yet that he is not capable to love, to care and protect.
Janusz Korchak had no own children. It did not keep the “I“ in a universal genetic code. He crossed through a self-preservation instinct. For love which accomodates in itself all. And not just the women`s hormone collecting by 35 - 40 years in a man`s organism oxytocin urged to make of the ordinary live dog searching for the puppies for water in a hot sunny day, Pavlov`s dog with the expiration from a fistula of “a fatherly instinct“ on light of the lighting-up bulb.