Be not afraid to be happy. The Permit in a local dispensary Natalya got part I
unexpectedly, but very opportunely. Within the last months at work there was vacant a place of the head. This circumstance haunted possible applicants and their groups. Networks of intrigues trudged quickly and highly artistically then occupied a chair of the power one leader, another. And some time from - for confusions even reigned in date of orders a diarchy. Naturally, the advantage of it to the enterprise was not any. Employees continually waited for dirty tricks, dismissals. Intrigues and gossips grew, were inflated as a soap bubble. Suddenly quarrels which dirty splashes got all began to boil.
Natalya as the head of department received often changing instructions one, other head sometimes contradicting each other and was perplexed that to inform data of subordinates. Subordinates, in turn, during the working day nervously looked for hours, expecting treasured figures - 16:59 that in a minute to run home, where among pans and check of children`s homeworks to distract from the madness reigning at work.But even such change of kinds of activity Natalya was inaccessible to
. Houses expected it only 34 square meters of a living space. The son with a family lived in other city, and the husband... Natalya deeply and convulsively sighed, having remembered the beloved Sashenka who left so ridiculously ten years ago...now more than ever Natalya suffered from
A from unsatisfied need for love. In increasing frequency in her brain the thought emerged: “Well why I am such unhappy?“ Their last conversation with Vasily did not lead to anything. Was also rather desperate monologue of the woman, tired of uncertainty. And because, that Natalya acted as his initiator, at heart it was even more opposite. Pity to itself, such unfortunate, overflowed heart and drove into the corner vanity.
Natalya understood that long she in such will not stretch to “warm and friendly“ the atmosphere. Therefore refusal of the employee of the permit seemed a lifebuoy in a hopelessness whirlpool.
At a mountain ash taste of love
the fall Loved by Natalya already set in on a throne of seasons. Otpusknitsa made purchases, necessary for a trip, and enjoyed walk on the rustling park. Brightly - yellow trees still created feeling of a holiday, but cold shades stridently - the blue sky predicted melancholy of long and sad evenings alone.Natalyina`s
of thought returned to the same bright fall, only many years ago again. They with the husband took away the son Nikitka then in the fifth class, got acquainted with the new class teacher, and then suddenly decided to descend in the wood in the country. They wandered between trees, having embraced, reveling in fresh air and happiness of pure relationship. At the transparent lake, having decided to have a rest, sat down on brevnyshko. Stirred about that, about this. Sasha clamped teeth a small branch of a red mountain ash. Eyes cunning laughed:- you Want
Natalya stretched to it, slightly opened lips. Sasha bent to it closer and from his trembling, uneasy breath on veins voluptuous delightful clemency spread. In a second they already kissed. Greedily, with huge thirst of proximity, not in forces to come off from each other. Their hearts, appear, were overflowed with the gushed feelings, and they embraced even more strong. As slowly slipped on a carpet of fallen leaves, they did not notice, and opened embraces, having only heard approach of steps. Mushroom pickers passed by, pretending that, except mushrooms which was trace here, do not notice anything.
Sasha, without releasing a hand of darling, glanced in eyes:
- Natal and if I die, you will quickly forget me?
- the Little fool, - Natalya was not even terrified the thought which came to its mind, - give better together at the sea we will go. With holidays it has to turn out - we will just be in time for the velvet season.
... And after the sea Sasha washed down. Washed down terribly and unjustly. Never seeing alcoholics in the life, Natalya became puzzled. All week of Sashkiny hard drinking it roared, without knowing how to behave. She was not able to abuse it and could not. Tried to talk, but, having come across the empty, changed color eyes, could not squeeze out from itself the word. In several days of an enlightenment which came a trace Natalya was delighted: “Thank God, passed. Now there will be everything as earlier.“
the Interrupted rest
the Dispensary accepted Natalya hubbub of the cheerful people anticipating carefree rest. Having seen several acquaintances, Natalya at the same time both was delighted, and was upset. Though it is pleasant to exchange news with old friends, nevertheless caught itself on thought that now she wants to remain alone with the problems more, to understand own life, but not to pick for eyes to pieces to employees and girlfriends.it determined by
B of the roommate the woman who just retired. Alevtina Petrovna declared at once that she does not welcome long talk because here, in silence and rest, dreams to overcome at last the novel “War and peace“ which tried to read at school. Natalya smiled in reply:
- And I want to walk and breathe more fresh air.
- There now also got on, - the neigbour shook up above a pillow and opened the fat book.
in the Morning Natalya woke up at half past five.“ Still to sleep and sleep, on holiday I, - it is angry she thought, but having seen spots of sunlight on a wall, jumped. - Yes, it is an excellent opportunity to breathe clean air. And nobody in such wound with talk will not stick“.
the Footpath went far to the wood. The sun, having risen over the horizon, still hid behind backs of trees. Easy morning fog gave to Natalyiny walk a little mystery. Dew invigorated with a chill. Dense brushes of mountain ashes shook, welcoming the early guest. Natalya stretched to break branches and stood, having remembered the same bouquet, but in other life where her lovely Sasha still was near.
... In one of days of rare gleams between hard drinkings of the husband Natalya decided to take one more step. Bought delicacies, baked the loved Sashin cabbage pie. A white cloth, red napkins and in the middle of a table a krasnyushchy bouquet of a mountain ash. Sasha smoked on a balcony. Natalya, having gathered more air in lungs. approached to the door, lingered on a threshold. They were divided by only thin tulle. Sasha stood, having hidden the face in hands, having dangerously moved through a handrail over an abyss of eight floors going down. Having hesitated, Natalya touched with a warm palm the husband. Slightly stroked painfully familiar cambers and cavities grown thin, but still strong back. Hardly restrained not to begin to cry.
- Sash, we will go to have dinner...
It, without tearing off hands from the face, nodded. Mudflows. Natalya prepared long ago the speech full of words of love and hope which, in her opinion, had to change at last radically their life, remove this pain which a splinter sat in heart. Sasha ate, without raising eyes, without having told even a praise word to a favourite dish. And earlier, happened...
Natalya put the palm over his hand:
- Sasha, I want to tell you... - there began Natalya.
the Third wheel phone call rushed into its monologue:
- Natali, hi! - this is Elka from office. - Well, che, how are you doing?Terse answers Natalya wanted on - fast to finish with
conversation, but Elka was eager to tell Natalya about the yesterday`s appointment. Without noticing Natalyiny indifference to development of evening events, such important for her at all. Elka talked a blue streak, devoting the girlfriend in intimate details of a meeting.Natalya listened to
and quietly roared, understanding that all her efforts are nullified by this confused call, to nobody the necessary conversation. At last Elka was uttered:
- Well everything, so far. Hi to the husband. - And having lowered a voice - Well as it there, does not drink? there is no
- everything is normal. - Natalya hurried to answer, trying to approve as the answer aimed at a positive it in life.
Sasha got a cigarette and got up from - for a table. Natalya, some special intuition understanding that this conversation - the last chance to return their cloudless happiness, it was thrown to the husband, passionately embraced, glanced as earlier, in favourite green eyes. Started talking confusedly and hasty:
- Sashenka, darling, you remember how we with you nicely lived? You remember our walks in the wood, skis, fishing? I ask you, I conjure - throw this damned vodka! I want again as earlier to be happy! Sashenka, life washing, my love... You remember how went by Don, lived in tent? To us it was so good together... Let`s forget this alcoholic nightmare. I swear to you... I never in life will remind you of it! Never I will reproach, only become such as earlier! I ask you, Sasha - and - and... - Natalya already broke on shout. Tears were uncontrollably shed on cheeks. But worst of all there was a feeling that all this hysterics is useless that she did not reach heart of the husband, once such sympathetic, such careful.
Sasha silently tried to discharge of himself Natalya. It clasped it behind with two hands, trying to stop, hold, return the escaping happiness. His face became angry. Escaping, he made effort and painfully turned Natalyina a palm. She screamed, but did not take away hands. Then Sasha very much rushed from embraces of the wife, having on the way pushed a table. The vase with a mountain ash bouquet failed on a cloth. Furious, it raked up thin branches in a fist and randomly breaking them in hands, began to shout in a face of the wife:
- Yes understand you, at last, - washed-up I am a drunk! You understand? A game - che - ny! I drank, I drink and I will drink until the end of the days! In total!the Door behind his back slapped
so that began to tremble walls. Natalya from crying of Nikitka which came from school regained consciousness and to death got a fright, having found mother on a floor among the broken mountain ash branches, in a water pool. Having taken in a hurry red clusters of a mountain ash for blood spots, he began to roar in a voice, than and brought round Natalya.
Buried Sasha in the spring. Throwing into an earth handful grave, Natalya said goodbye forever not only to the husband, but also to love, to the happiness and hopes. If Nikitka who was not holding a hand, it without thoughts would rush on this crimson coffin that already never to think, not to suffer, not to worry, to try about anything feverishly to find a way out of problems.
Having scrolled tragic events in memory, Natalya wiped tears. Then, in despair having pressed hands to a breast, long looked in a foggy distance. Under palms felt not severe, but persistent pain.- It is necessary to
how many years passed, and heart hurts as though yesterday everything occurred... When you grow, my wound?. - Natalya went back to a dispensary.
After a lunch she got with legs on a bed and undertook an embroidery. Bear cubs on the embroidered copy of the well-known picture of Shishkin froliced, without suspecting that in life there are disappointments, pain and sufferings...breast Pain reminded
of itself again. In silence of the room Natalya tried to understand the nature of the arisen discomfort. Having concentrated on feelings, Natalya with surprise found out that this oppressive pain - not from heart! And from where? The liver plays pranks? Really she got naughty so what gives to the right breast?
the old mother`s acquaintance who also have a rest here Entered the room and distracted Natalya from supervision over pain a little and amused ridiculous stories of own youth. Even strict Alevtina Petrovna distracted from Tolstoy and with all the heart laughed loudly. But soon pain again persistently reminded of itself.
Natalya did not go To a dinner. As soon as the door was closed behind the neigbour, it jumped, threw off a sweater and a bra and cautiously approached a mirror.
- my Light, a pocket mirror, tell and all truth report, - she whispered, having raised up the right hand. Leva, as the doctor learned on professional survey, began to feel the right breast. - I - on light of all am lovelier, more beautiful and healthier? - it continued by the paraphrased recitative, looking the image fool in the face as though wanted to program itself only on good.
From the pain which amplified under fingers, hair began to move on the head. Natalya in a moment became covered cold then: “Really oncology?“ The following thought flew as a saving straw: “No, cannot be. I, probably, only caught a cold. It is reminded of itself by morning walk on cold dew...“ And afterwards again despair wave:“ And suddenly it is cancer? They say that from it, statistically, every fifth woman suffers. Really I am just the fifth? My God, for what to me also these sufferings?“
Natalya lowered hands and attentively examined the reflection. In spite of the fact that its age approached fifty, the figure still remained harmonous and tightened. Skin swarty by nature in economical light of the state room cast statue bronze. Legs did not get out of a shape, and especially pleased Natalya that on them any did not appear convex wreaths, as at some women. She always thought if it was comprehended by a fate to have expanded veins, it would be scary a shame to it to undress before Vasily. Natalya`s look returned to a breast again. Roundish hemispheres, though not such elastic as in youth, but also not hanging down, looked at the beautiful reflection darkly - pink nipples with small auras. Natalya did not notice any deviations in a form or color, but resolved to go in the morning to the city, to the doctor.