If you the child`s father with limited opportunities of
Is pleasant to us it or not, but in life not everything occurs as we conceived. It can turn out so that all of us made and were completely prepared for the future, but before us suddenly as from - under lands grows some other future, absolutely unexpected for us is absolute.
If you the child`s parent with limited opportunities, then you perfectly represent what I speak about.
Here you dream of fast appearance of the successor who will grow up the player of the Highest league on soccer, or the Nobel Prize laureate in the field of rocket production, or the champion on kik - to a boksing among women, but the child is born, and you understand that nothing from this what you dreamed of, will take place because it just has no necessary opportunities for this purpose.
to be the child`s parent with limited opportunities means to face a number of specific difficulties, but it gives you chance to gain unique positive experience. In this short chapter some main questions for those who realized that, according to John Lennon, “life is what occurs when you are busy with creation of some other plans“ are considered.
What is limited opportunities?the Term “limited opportunities“ is used by
concerning extremely extensive area, but in this chapter I stop on problems of children who are born with difficult physical and/or intellectual pathologies, such as autism, a blindness, deafness, the split backbone, a cerebral palsy and, as in a case with my own younger daughter, with a Down syndrome.
We say that the child has limited opportunities because it much more precisely, than to call the child by the name of the disease and thus to paste a label. To tell that “Johnny - Down“, all the same, what to tell “At Johnny is black hair“. It is nonsense. Johnny can have a Down syndrome, and it can have black hair, but actually Johnny will remain just to Johnny. For those who read this chapter out of curiosity, but not because it directly concerns to them, these specifications, can seem only shift of words, but all this has basic value for Johnny and for those, goodness knows.When you learn
Though planned ultrasonic inspections help doctors to diagnose that some children already have limited opportunities when they are in a womb, often nobody suspects anything until the child is not born. If the doctor has a suspicion that your child belongs to the category of such children (it not always happens obvious), the kid will have to pass further inspection that it was possible to make the exact diagnosis as soon as possible. Doctors always try to tell sad news to parents as it is possible in softer form, but this news always appears a bolt from the blue, and parents react differently. One test horror, others are angry and look for guilty (even if they are guilty), the third begin to cry, the fourth refuse to believe that with their child something not so, and the fifth perceive news quietly.
, but there are some things which need to be held in the head if ever similar will happen to you.you are not lonely
- . In the world there are much more children with limited opportunities, than you think therefore do not think that you the only family with such problems. Everything is not so bad
- . Thousands of parents will confirm my words that children with limited opportunities can have very happy and full-fledged life. It is not always difficult for
- . Though from time to time education of the child with limited opportunities, undoubtedly, can be very difficult, but it not always so. What you consider difficult now, eventually will become rather simple or at least habitual, and education of your child will be the same happiness and pleasure for you, as well as for all others.
- the State will give you support: financial, educational, emotional - any what will be required to you.
Accept a situation and adapt to it
there are two things which can be made when in life there is something unexpected. It is possible to refuse to believe in the truth and to hope that you will wake up from a bad dream soon, or it is possible to accept a new situation and to adapt to it. Depression, pain and indignation is result of the first. Result of the second - an opportunity to move forward with an active and positive spirit. Ability to accept a new situation and to adapt to it does not come at once, but it will come much quicker if you make the conscious decision to go this more reasonable way.Look for
council and support
As soon as is confirmed that your child has a serious pathology, will at once offer you any help, manuals, councils and support for which it was only possible to hope. It is reasonable to accept this help as first it will be still difficult to you to get used to a new situation. In process of the child`s growing various forms of the help will be offered you, but usually they happen such.
- the Help in registration of privileges to which your child has the right.
- Information and emotional support, at desire you can keep in touch with other parents who have the same situation, as at you and who, as well as I, “passed through it“, and can prompt to you what to do.
- the Help in acquisition of special devices which can be required by you, such as clamps for fastening to a bed back, toilet seats, wheelchairs for cars, wheelchairs and so on.
- Carrying out medical examinations and if it is necessary, treatments. Usually children are healthy, apart from them “a limited opportunity“, but some have complications which demand regular medical care. For example, the child with a Down syndrome quite often has also heart troubles.
- the Invitation to join support group of parents who are in the same situation, but, perhaps, their children will have others “limited opportunities“. Depends only on you whether to join for long term support group, but it will be useful for many parents to learn at least more about this opportunity before making a choice.
Anyway if you need council, the recommendation which do not lie on a surface (for example, answers to questions concerning the future) do not hesitate to come into contact and to ask about it. Though health workers very much try “to be at your legs“, they are not able to read your mind, and only you can take the initiative and take an interest about something or ask the help when you need it.
How to live near the child?
of Some readers my a little flippant attitude which was shown in this chapter still can offend. I apologize if I you one of these readers, but on own experience can tell you that a little thoughtless and optimistic approach is much better, than search of the negative moments in a situation, - and it is especially right for your everyday life.
to Live near the child who has limited opportunities, not same what to live with any other child. It is sometimes a little more difficult. They want the same, as other children, - the love, supports, approvals, fun and so on, but to them will need the additional help at those moments when they something cannot from - for the specificity. It will be required to the blind child that you talked to him more and touched it more, so he will be able to be convinced of your presence completely. It will be required to the deaf child that you paid more attention to gestures and a look. Besides these specific “additional conditions“ there are some general principles to which you can adhere to feel as much as possible pleasure and satisfactions from communication with the child.
- Rejoice to every day spent with the child. Life is not in what will happen in the next month, next year or next decade. It is in what occurs today, at present. Consciously take yourself for the rule to rejoice to presence of the child every single day, every day to embrace and kiss it. Let it know that you love it it what it is.
- should not underestimate the child. Though the fact that “the limited possibility“ of a certain sort, obviously, will interfere somehow with progress of the child in certain spheres it does not mean yet that he will not be able to achieve success in other areas. The blind child it is possible to teach to sing, tell interesting stories or to train in Braille`s alphabet. The deaf child it is possible to teach to communicate by means of a look and to train in a sign language. The child with a Down syndrome it is possible to teach to jump, run and dance. Never forget what is required to the child with limited opportunities as much praises and encouragement, as well as any other. Though the potential of your child can not be same as at other children, it nevertheless needs to equal on this level therefore you are not sparing with praise at each opportunity. do not count
- that the child will be similar to a small angel. There is a wrong opinion that the child with limited opportunities for some reason has no “disobedience gene“. It`s not true. Such children can be same disobedient, as well as all others, and in process of their growing - as far as it is available to them - all - they need to be taught what is correct that is wrong and what behavior is admissible. Of course, at children with lag in intellectual development more time for that to understand it will leave, and you probably need much more patience to teach them to behave correctly. But do not relax and do not neglect business of their education. If you make it, then will regret about it.
- If you have not one child, consider as you will distribute the attention between them. In this book I already spoke about rivalry between children in one family, but in this situation it can become more serious problem for the obvious reasons. Joint exits with all children or joint game - business good, but sometimes is useful to pay the attention completely separately to each child in order that they did not feel rivalry. at
- As the child, to you, perhaps will grow, will offer the so-called help for a family respite. In this case the specialist in care of children with limited opportunities (or group of experts) for time for which you and other members of your family will be able to have a rest from those painful duties which you have to carry out daily will care for your child. Some families use several hours of such help every week that their child could be brought together, for example, in the game center or in park. Others use week of such help one or two times a year - in this case can bring the child to the center of rest or to some similar place. What amount of the help to you will be offered or you will choose, is defined depending on your circumstances. But just in case do not forget about this opportunity.
That how easy or heavy will be education of the child with limited opportunities, will depend on you, and it, in turn, depends on that psychological position which you take in life. If you focus attention only on negative, what your child what he will not learn is not able to do or what it will never have, you risk to complicate life to yourself. But if, having stopped thinking about all negative moments, you decide to concentrate only on positive - on what your child is able to do what he will learn and to what he will be able to rejoice in the future, - you will find out that your parental experience will be filled with sense and pleasure.
We not in forces to control what occurs not at our will, but we can control completely the reaction to external circumstances.