“My pregnancy now 15 weeks suffer, and physically everything goes rather safely. But I have some strange toxicosis. Me feels sick from a smell of cigarettes, fish and... from my husband.
, to it really from me gets my Poor Vitaly. And though I also understand it, but I can do nothing with myself. We have a happy marriage, I love it and is glad to pregnancy, but sometimes I test huge irritation, communicating with the husband. Everything begins with trifles, absolutely insignificant to which I just would not pay earlier attention. Practically each conversation comes to an end or the fact that I break and I shout at it, or and I pay in the fact that I take offense.
Recently we with the husband went to walk, there was a sunny winter day. We walked on the wood, and, apparently, nothing foretold quarrels. But on the way back to us the husband`s friend met, and we stopped to talk. More precisely, men talked, and I stood nearby. The fact that I am pregnant is not noticeable yet, and in warm winter clothes - and even less so. The friend was talkative, and I began to freeze. And here still it pulled out cigarettes and began to smoke. From a smell of a smoke stirs up me. Having stood a minute more, I expressively looked at the husband, but that did not understand. Then I turned and went to the house one, having thrown: “Well, so far“. The husband caught up with me in 3 minutes and asked: “What happened?“ I stated it everything: and that he does not think of how it is heavy to me to stand still long and that I froze and that it had to stop this friend and not allow it to smoke at my presence, if I stood nearby. The husband recognized that he was not right, but told that it was impolite to leave here so, sharply. I took offense and burst into tears.
A few days ago my careful husband started conversation on how to us to issue a nursery. He suggested to begin to do repair and to buy furniture already now. I had the same opinion, but the irritation prevented me to agree, and I got into dispute. Told it that he does not think of the pregnant woman at all that it is harmful to me to breathe whitewashing and glue. He suggested to live for the period of repair together with his parents. One mention of the father-in-law caused a new attack of nausea. No, his father the quite good person, but very much likes to teach life, and does it monotonously and tiresomely. I stated something in ironically - a sharp manner. This time the husband took offense. And all the matter is that I understand that I am not right, and then I have sense of guilt. But while the irritation is strong, it is difficult to me to control it.
Of course, I thought up as to me to work after an irritation attack if I cannot behave during it. When I break“, I will shout or I will cry, and then at once I approach the husband, I will embrace, I will kiss, “I will thrust“ upon caress about his parties, pleasant words - it becomes easier for us. But nevertheless if this situation proceeds, I am afraid, our relations can suffer. In what there can be a reason of my state and how it is possible to cope with irritation attacks?“
the Comment of the psychologist
during pregnancy in an organism of the woman numerous physiological changes including concerning a hormonal background happen. It does mood of future mother unstable, especially in the first trimester of pregnancy. Such instability of mood can be shown by irritation attacks which come to an end with shout or crying. Often many of those who surround the woman suffer from it: relatives, friends, colleagues. But the situation when for dumping of aggressive energy only one person “gets out“ is not so rare, and frequent it is future father of the child. Why so can occur? The reasons - a little:self-checking in the relations with relatives is much lower than
- , than in communication with more “distant“ circle (and not only at future mothers) for this reason for “discharge“ it is more convenient to choose the one who “always near at hand“ future mother subconsciously chooses by
- a way of irritation and its demonstration as she has to check whether the husband is ready become a father, to be tolerant and patient. It can be expressed so: Whether “You will sustain, when you will become a father, the child will be capricious not less?“
- also subconsciously the woman can experience in relation to the husband aggression for the fact that it “is guilty“ of its state (especially if pregnancy proceeds against feeling sick).
What to do to help itself and to facilitate the husband`s life? There are several recommendations:
- Or perhaps the husband is not guilty? Perhaps, you sicken not from - for the identity of the husband, and in connection with other factors. For example, during pregnancy at the woman the susceptibility to smells raises. And if you badly transfer a cigarette smoke, then the husband, even without smoking at your presence, all the same smells of a smoke. Or, for example, uses excessively sharp (for your perception) perfume. Try to exclude for a start here such “third factors“.
- Positive emotions - it is important. Walk, listen to music, communicate with people pleasant to you, do not become isolated - it is an excess reason for apathy, and apathy then will develop into discontent with the husband. Moreover, try to receive more positive emotions together with the husband, make good tradition family walks and “issues“ (on exhibitions, concerts, in restaurants, cinema). The more the general positive emotions, the there is less irritation. can Be discharged by
- in a different way. If you sicken, you have to splash out it, but it is possible to make it in a civilized way. For example, the irritation is possible... to draw, and then to change drawing so that it caused positive emotions. Draw, you will not lighten yet. Also future mothers can recommend dance as a way to express emotion the movements of a body. Dance is a unique way, the body itself finds the movements which are harmoniously expressing feelings. At first they will be sharp, but as the irritation is replaced by a pacification, the movements will become smoother. Also good way - exercises. From - for a lack of physical activity people (and not only future mothers) are more irritable, than could be. Consult to your doctor, and in the absence of contraindications regularly carry out a special set of exercises for future mothers. Irritability can be connected by
- with alarm. Whether “Everything will develop? Whether I will be able to be good mother? Whether the husband to us will be able to be help? How there will take place childbirth?“ - these and many other questions disturb future mothers. And if the alarm is strong and becomes a constant background, then it can “be discharged“ by irritability. The woman needs to understand what her fears are connected with. It is necessary to win at first against alarm, and irritability can leave. Perhaps, in this case future mother needs consultation of the psychologist.
- needs to be remembered that differences of emotions can be connected with following to a stereotype “all pregnant women are whimsical“. Yes, pregnancy does the woman a little more sensitive and vulnerable. But nobody cancelled self-checking, and it is necessary to remember it not to create to future father of additional problems. Especially you should not apply this tactics to achievement of humility of the partner. Feeling that manipulate it under pregnancy cover, the man will experience aggression which he will try to hide. But aggression will surely prove, pouring out in irritability at future father.
- Come to a positive! Even if you very much tried, but could not cope with an irritation attack, then surely apologize. Be not afraid to admit that were wrong. Try to inform the partner that your irritation is connected not with it, and with pregnancy and therefore surely will pass. Understanding that the situation temporarily, helps to look forward with big optimism. And to you helps to fight more effectively against irritability already now. Surely embrace the partner, kiss and remind how strongly you love him and the child who lives in you so far is how desired.