Young mother and country of councils
Warm June day. I put three-months Vaska in a backpack - a kangaroo, and we go to policlinic. When absolutely unfamiliar woman authoritatively declares that my son without hat by all means will catch a cold - I am silent. When other aunty shouts at all street that the youth absolutely became stupid and drags poor children in backpacks as Roma, - I begin to grit the teeth. When the dear granny, probably, for the best grabs for Vask a leg to check whether he froze, - I hardly restrain. When the number of persons interested to save mine the baby from irresponsible mummy is close to ten - I begin to understand why in our country free carrying the weapon is forbidden...I know
Ya that is with us everything is all right. The doctor who watches Vaskaya since the birth allowed us to use a kangaroo one and a half months ago, gradually increasing loading. We use a special backpack with the rigid back designed for newborns. We are engaged in a reasonable hardening since the birth under patronage of the expert... Why I so am nervous and what I a sin to conceal, madly am angry with all these, sorry, aunts? And main thing: how to cope with this wild irritation which is transferred to the son and spoils mood to both of us?
Are unique women who do not take offense at these advisers and begin to communicate with them. My friend Lena, for example, considers that it is just unfortunate women who lack knowledge and culture of communication. Therefore she stops and gives small lecture on rules of feeding and a vygulivaniye of babies, finishing it the phrase of type:“ Only, please, before advising somebody else, be convinced that the person is ready to listen“.
If you feel in yourself forces to communicate to careful aunties, here several councils from Lena:
you are not angry. Think that this woman has (or will be) children and grandsons. Perhaps, she with them behaves very busily. Try to tell it something useful, she showed desire to communicate.Feel
that your conversation can be useful to this woman. Perhaps you change her life and the relations with relatives. Think not that she wants to fray to you nerves, and that she sincerely wishes well to you, and reciprocate.
Main - to wish well to the person and to do this good. It is important for power of your kid and your own.
Ya tried, but whether my power is already spoiled, whether I am just impolite... Generally, I in myself did not crush feeling of irritation, and the desire to tell strangers about itself and about the son at me did not increase. Then I tried a way second.
its Essence is in briefly to define the position to a question confident tone and not to react any more to people who to you are imposed. My acquaintance Natasha claims that for her it is ideal option: on the one hand, you not passively are silent, and show hardness and fight back, with another - you feel that you remain within decency and behave adequately.
Natasha if strangers approach it on the street to explain that she incorrectly treats the daughter, behaves so:
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to itself(himself) that you have the right for private life and any person is wrong if he interferes in it.
I so I tried too. People really quickly left us alone, but my nervousness and feeling of strong hostility did not vanish. I could not be disconnected from what was told by people around, and then for a long time remembered each such case. So far once...
Once we with the son went by the bus. At a stop doors opened and in one of them the girl of years of three flew. In another - too, and just the same. Twins, I solved, but here saw a third which crept in the bus on all fours. Probably, it stumbled on a footboard. Then their mother entered the bus, and on her angry hails fell down: “Gave birth! And will watch who! To produce homeless children!“ . The woman was silent and cleaned off the daughter`s knees.
But here was not sustained by me. I will literally not retell, but, generally, to these aunts got at full scale. I got off at the next stop after mother with daughters that to calm them. Nina told that she faces such relation constantly and always just is silent because she is afraid of the conflicts.
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is useless to argue or to prove something. I with daughters so do not have forces. All the same these aunts will outargue me, and it will be even more offensive for me.
Many people are angry when they see other people`s children. Better not to contact them that they did not maleficiate.
If are angry with you, it is necessary just to leave. So it will be better for all.
at the same time girls were become silent and as though felt guilty.
we did not meet Nina any more, but for me our short-term acquaintance was fatal. I understood that I will not be more “a good girl“ - I will begin to play the fool, misbehave, behave outrageously. But I will never feel humiliated in the presence of the son any more.
the destiny sent To the next morning to me the lovely woman:
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- your child in this backpack will have a spinal fracture!
satisfactory: in those five minutes that the lady remained within audibility, she did not pronounce the word. The aunty who tried to pat my child on a cheek was following.
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! It is infectious! It has a syphilis! - I cried rather loudly, but not so to frighten the son. The aunty was affected by tetanus.
I in the same vein. I felt just fine. School days when I led up nasty teachers were remembered. Generally, now I with the son come for walk, as for hunting. Here only trouble: advisers run up. Perhaps at me something not that on a face is written?
Why does that happen?of Reflection of the author
Probably, we have it in blood. More precisely - in historically developed mentality. In Russia many centuries there was a communal psychology when all children were the general in case of loss of the supporter. Then, already in the Soviet Union, was considered that business has to be everything to everything. Especially well people to whom the state charged to instruct on its own behalf felt how to behave how to distinguish good from the evil, etc. They could not be okorotit as citizens to whom was what to hide automatically fell under suspicion of an anti-Soviet mentality.It is a pity to
that at us it is still not accepted to respect private life. Especially the present generation of young parents who just do not understand, on what basis absolutely strangers do them remarks suffers from it, give uninvited advice, teach life. Their unwillingness to enter communication such can be perceived as rudeness, and actually it is just attempt to assert the right for the, personal world.
Remember that if you or your child do not do harm to people around, everything that you do - it is your personal record. Perhaps, you will be encouraged by my experiment of trips on Europe. I many times saw the playing pranks children both in London, and in Paris, but never noticed that someone made them the remark. At the same time, if the person suddenly begins to fall on the street, to him right there rush to the aid and quickly call an ambulance. In my opinion, such differentiation of public and personal problems to us should learn.
the Comment of the psychologist
In my opinion, the author of material suffers from uncertainty in himself which he tries to overcome. Such feelings can be peculiar to many young women who gave rise for the first time.
But here other case. The author sought to ego-trip since school years - it means that the reasons of psychological discomfort are covered in the childhood, in the relations with parents.I consider
Ya that that who has feeling of alarm and desire constantly to protect the advantage in the society of people around, it is necessary to come to consultation to the psychologist. And it is desirable as soon as possible because the woman who has all feelings during pregnancy and after the delivery become aggravated, can return to the former state when psychological problems are driven into subconsciousness. Will begin to seem to it that “everything already passed“, and she will cease to pay attention to disturbing signals of the mentality.Now she sharply feels by
that people consider her as insufficiently good mother. It does not mean that people around are right or, on the contrary, absolutely are mistaken. Just the person suffering from an insufficient self-assessment attracts to himself such “well-wishers“ and “osuditel“.What it is fraught with
? First of all the fact that unconsciously mother will bring up the child “just like the“ or “by contradiction“. It is impossible to recognize both options successful. If the reasons of uncertainty in themselves are connected with the relations of mother and her parents, then it can limit communication of the kid with the grandmother and the grandfather, unconsciously inciting the child against them. All family and first of all the child, it is useful for them to have close people of different age and a social status will suffer from it. Besides, even if the grandmother and the grandfather made mistakes in education of the daughter, it does not mean at all that they will do much harm to the grandson or the granddaughter. In a word, the psychological problems of mother driven into subconsciousness can negatively affect education of the kid, especially if this child of the same floor, that is the girl.
How to define that you need the help of the psychologist for work with your self-assessment? The following symptoms have to guard you: to you it seems to
- that people around consider you insufficiently responsible to bring up the child. you are sure by
- that your parents (or the husband`s parents) want to take away your child to themselves forever or for long time.
- K to you are often suited on the street to make the remark. you try to limit to
- a circle of contacts of the child and do not admit to it the senior relatives. you “are brought“ by
- when to you begin to give advice on care of the child. you want
- that you were constantly praised and said that you good mother.
- you reject the help of relatives even if it is necessary to you.
Please, do not postpone visit to the psychologist. Think that your kid needs happy and self-assured mother.