We set restrictions. Part III
of Action, but not the word
the Main issue which should be remembered concerning children especially small, is that actions mean much more, than words. Many parents participating in the program Small angels spent hours, swearing and persuading the children, thereby inadvertently aggravating their bad behavior.When Oliver Wells took
a pole for tent with which his mother Vicki did not want that it played, it began to persuade the son to return it. She had to it tell strictly that it cannot play with a pole, and then just take away it. In the same way, when Emily Soyleks began to refuse to get into the cart for purchases, the best that her mother Jane could make is to put her there bezdalneyshy discussions. Accurately showing to the children what you want, you let them know that you mean what you speak about.Sar Cristi`s
was in shop with five-year-old Mathew when he decided to run about. She had to run on shop to catch it, but when she made it, she was told that it has to show it actions, but not words that he behaved badly. It it is strict and without any discussions brought him out of shop, sat down on a bench, put him to itself on knees and did not talk to it until he calmed down. Mathew accurately understood several things: Sara did not like his behavior, she was main, and he will not receive an award that he escaped.Shlepaniye`s
Though the flop is an action, but not words, we do not recommend to resort to it for management of behavior of your children. It creates at them the wrong representation and allows your children to think that fights are accepted. Though some people really slap children, there are much more effective techniques which do not cause physical pain and do not leave at parents of sense of guilt for the fact that they hurt the child. Many families asked in the program for the help when they realized that they slap the children.
the Time - a miss
So, you set restrictions, ceased to shout and asked the child once in an amicable way and once strictly, but it all the same does not do about what you ask it. You are upset and cannot ignore his behavior. At this moment the situation can sharply be heated. You need to take more drastic measures and to show the authority, remaining at the same time quiet.
the Time - the miss means what this term means: time spent away from a difficult situation. It gives you the chance to calm down and get it together if the behavior of your child really begins to enrage you. It also is an extreme form of ignoring and gives to your child the chance to see accurate consequences of his behavior. If a time - it is correct to apply a miss, it is extremely effective method, but it needs to be considered as the last reserve in case you already tried all other ways. The only exception are situations when your child behaves aggressively.
the Principle the time - a miss is that you send your child for several minutes (from calculation one minute for every year of his life, but no more than for five minutes) where - nibud where it is safe, boring and far from you. Some families participating in Small angels already tried to resort to a time - to a miss, but or did not watch that the child remained on the place, or left it there for an hour. As soon as the child begins to play and forgets, from - for what he was isolated, this method ceases to work.Governed
a time - a miss
- you can use a time - a miss after you once asked your child to make in an amicable way something, then once asked strictly, and he continues to ignore you.
- If your child behaves aggressively, at once accurately explain to him that such behavior is unacceptable:“ No, it is bad. You should not beat the brother“. allocate for
- Without further explanations your child to the safe and boring place for one minute for every year of his life (no more than five minutes).
- to you, perhaps, should carry the child if it resists or kicked, but you have to ignore it and not talk to it even if it beats or bites you. You should not show rage or aggression. You can take away your child on the lower step of a ladder or put on a chair in other room. If you want to use
- a step or a chair, you need to explain to the child, strong holding it that you want that it remained on that place where you put him. You have to look aside, do not meet the eyes of it and do not talk to it until time ends.
- If you, most likely, are not able to hold the child without a fight, take away it to the room far away from yourself. It is not important if it is its room. You does it only for a short time, and it will not cause negative associations with the room. But the room, the better is more boring.
- Close a door or if your child tries to leave, take it until time ends. It is better, than to violently return the child to the room. Sending to
- the child to the room, tell it:“ Now a time - a miss“. You do not tell anything else, as if he tried to start talking to you. It is the most extreme form of ignoring and as soon as you start talking, you pay attention to the child again. If it pulls the door handle, strong hold it. If he kicks a door, do not pay attention. When time will end with
- , tell the child that it can leave. Shortly explain to him what he was punished for, and tell that if the similar behavior repeats again, it will be sent to a time again - a miss.
- If the hysterics of your child proceeds after the time - a miss ended, once in an amicable way and once strictly ask it to calm down. Accurately explain that it will return on a time - a miss if does not calm down.
- If he continues to behave badly, repeat a time - a miss for the same period of time.
- If your child left quiet, shortly explain why it was sent there, embrace him and continue to go about the own business. do not mention
- about a time again - a miss and you do not conceal offense. You praise and embrace your child as soon as you have an opportunity that he created clear understanding of own behavior.
Some parents resist idea a time - a miss as they consider that it is cruel. It is necessary to remember that if your child cries when you send him to a time - a miss, most likely, it is connected with the fact that he is angry with you for the fact that you apply strict measures. Remember that you do not beat the child and do not shout at him, and punishment lasts only a short period.Tracey Elmor`s
itself shed bitter tears when for the first time sent the three-year-old daughter India to a time - a miss to a bathroom. The indignant shouts of India forced Tracey to feel guilty and to feel pity to it, but Tracey was surprised with efficiency a time - a miss which gave to India a clear understanding of the fact that she has to sit during a lunch at a table and is, but not to run around and to scatter food. Despite reservations, she decided to apply this method and quickly found out that it practically should not apply it with her triplets. She understood:“ Now I do not shout and I do not slap them. Threat a time - a miss works as a deterrent“.It is also important
that you did not resort to a time - to a miss too often. Lisa William sent Kieran to a time - a miss on the lower step of a ladder, but it did it so often that the time - a miss lost properties of intimidation.
instead it became one more place of disputes as Lisa stood and swore at Kieran while he sat at a step.
the Time - the miss also created a clear understanding of a situation at Nikola Georgiu which had frequent and strong hysterics. Her mother Christina showed to the daughter what will not suffer more that that beats her, having sent Nikola to a bedroom for four minutes and holding a door closed. Initially Christina was upset from - for it, but was struck how quickly Nikola reacted. During very short time of a hysterics and a fight stopped, and Christina felt that the vicious circle is broken off.“ I feel quiet, - Christina told. - I do not fly into a rage“.
to Nikola was also explained that if it forces the mother to nurse it, it will be sent to a time - a miss. For the first time it heard from mother that it “no“ really means “no“.
the Short description of highlights a time - a miss
- Time = one minute for every year of life of your child (no more than five minutes).
- of Any conversations and attention, only strict words and actions.
- do not argue with the child. Be convinced by
- that your child is in the safe place. Allocate for
- your child to the room if at a step or on a chair there is a physical fight. If it is necessary for
- , you hold the closed door, but let your child know that you are nearby.
- do not talk to it in time a time - a miss.
- Finish a time - a miss with an accurate explanation of why the child was punished.
- Repeat a time - a miss if after two requests the child continues to behave badly. with
- When a time - the miss will end, positively continue the day. Do not remember it and you do not conceal offense, and in every way you praise your child.
- Use positive receptions which accent good behavior of your child that does strict actions by more effective when you have to resort to them.
Even of the warning that it will be sent to a time - a miss in order that she ceased to behave badly.“ I felt that I control a situation, - Christina told, - as though I was other mother“.
When should not resort to a time - to a miss
Tamara Karrera wanted to learn techniques which would help it to discipline Keanu who could be extremely uncontrollable and dominating, but the time - a miss was not for it a suitable way of actions. Keanu was already large for the age and is stronger than it physically so existed possibility that attempt to send it to a time - a miss could lead to a fight which would be difficult to be appeased. If you think that you will lack physical force to send your child to a time - a miss, it is better not to resort to this way. Alternative is that you can take a time - a miss, having gone to other room for several minutes and having closed a door, but before you make it, you have to be convinced that your child is in safety.It is also possible
that the time - a miss if resort to it too quickly, can heat a situation. Mathew Cristi refused to help to set the table for a lunch, and instead tried to turn on the TV. His father, Brian, asked the son to sit down, but when the child refused, he decided to send him to a time at once - a miss. Having appeared above, Mathew refused to go down by a lunch. That it went down, required that his mother went upward and threatened it one more time - a miss.
Eventually, Mathew appeared behind a dining table, but this situation could be prevented if Brian ignored Mathew, time to sit down to a table did not come yet, or turned a table nakryvaniye into game. Always it is necessary to consider the existing opportunities and to be positive and creative in the approach before to resort to more drastic measures.