Rus Articles Journal

We set restrictions. The Beginning

Show part II

that you tell seriously

In the Small Angels program we asked parents to follow one rule in talk with the children: never to repeat more than two times. If you constantly ask your children about something, they will learn to ignore you. If you shout, they will develop immunity to your anger. If your voice lacks authoritativeness, they will not perceive you seriously. To induce children to do about what they are asked, it is necessary to ask once quietly them, and to ask one more time strictly.

Once ask


If your child does to

about what it was asked, react positively, surely you praise and you thank him. Small angels we suggested parents to show in the program how they were happy, resorting to the exaggerated enthusiasm of animators of children`s actions. If your child refuses or ignores you, time to be more strict came.

Once ask


If your child does to

what you told, properly praise and thank him. Even if he made it only after it was asked by the second time, the main thing that he made it. At a constant praise of you after a while it will begin to do about what it is asked, from the first.

Five-year-old Owen and seven-year-old Jay Cooper did not pay attention to the mother Cathie while it constantly sawed them; tension and the unhappy atmosphere in the house amplified. Cathie was shown how to use tone of her voice and language of a body that her boys had an opinion on its authoritativeness what will force them to take it more seriously. Cathie then needed to test herself in the children`s game center, having accurately told children when it is necessary to leave. At it everything turned out, and later she told that accurate restrictions allowed it to enjoy communication with the children in much bigger measure.

She admitted:“ For the first time I cannot wait when I take away them from school, and I really miss them during the day“.

also considered Mandy Elson`s

that her children do not hear anything from what she tells. She constantly shouted, but the attention which children received in the form of shout, only strengthened their bad behavior. After work on new affirmative tone Mandy went to family picnic to practise authoritativeness. Her son, Tannar, began to rush pine cones to it, and she could tell quietly and strictly him that it stopped before the situation was heated. It became much easier for it to control children after the basic rules of picnic were established, and it began to give accurate and strict instructions. -

Establish to


If you asked your child to make something twice, and it all the same does not do it, you need to establish consequences of such behavior which would show it that you are dissatisfied with lack of interaction from its party. Here you have several options: you can ignore it, deprive of an award or take a time - a miss.

Though to you needs to be

consecutive, it is important not to place emphasis on situations which it does not cost. Solve what you will not suffer and what you are ready to pass quietly by. Life does not happen ideal, and situations to which you will be ready not to pay attention are during the day possible. Choose what it is worth fighting against. Vicki Wells was so tired of disputes with the six-year-old son Oliver from - behind everyone trifles that after she asked it to put on boots twice, and he did not make it, she decided not to do from this tragedies. She wanted to bring children to the street and decided that in general this incident does not cost quarrel. She just helped it to put on boots, and already in a few minutes they with pleasure came for walk.


the Effective way to let children know that nobody will suffer their bad behavior, is in ignoring them. Many parents say that they tried to do it, but such way does not help. It often occurs from - for the fact that parents concede to requirements of the children instead of safely going all the way.

the Purpose of ignoring is in to paying attention to undesirable behavior and by that to reduce the frequency of its manifestation. Add to it a praise for remarkable behavior, and your child soon will understand that the bad behavior does not lead to anything.

Tamara Karrera tried to force four-year-old Keanu to clean up in the room when he began to behave aggressively and to scatter toys. Tamara was told that she ignored it and let it know that she is dissatisfied with his behavior, having told: “I will not begin to talk to you until you are tidied up“. Keanu, unaccustomed to the fact that it is ignored, began to apply physical actions, began to beat the mother and tried to force her to start talking to it. Tamara left him, having told only:“ I will talk to you when you make about what I ask you“. Though Keanu drew some time, eventually he calmed down, having understood that he will not receive any attention for bad behavior.

Sam and Tim Norris could not cope with hysterics and three-year-old Katee`s disobedience. As well as many other parents, they considered that ignoring does not help... also tried to agree with Katee to stop her hysterics. However it only strengthened them. Sam and Tim sent to shop with earphones in ears that they learned to show Katee that they control a situation.

to be got by Katee`s

of quick start, so far Sam chose trousers which wanted to buy. A tear appeared as soon as it was asked to cease to run and take the father by hand. Katee tried to control a situation, insisting that she wants to hold mother by a hand, but Tim was told that he should not give in to it and has to continue to hold it by a hand strong. Instinctively he wanted to bend to Katee and to talk to it, but advised not to do it it while she shouts. When they left shop, the hysterics proceeded, but Tim had to continue to go and not to allow her behavior to operate it. It conducted it crying and resisting down the street to the Italian restaurant.

Sam and Tim could ignore Katee when she continued to shout at restaurant that was especially difficult as they were in the public place and they had to take out views of surrounding people. Besides, it was difficult to sit next to it as it could pull Tim for sleeves or give hands to Sam. But they could not talk to it, and long 10 minutes of the hysteric later Katee stopped, and she, indifferently, ate everything.

Sam and Tim began to understand

how effective can be ignoring.

Some parents do not ignore

as they think that:

to do to Good reasons it

at first will be difficult for ignoring

“No“ means


Children`s tears can cause in us various emotions, and many parents said to us that they cannot watch how their children are upset. But what you tell seriously, means that you have to know when to tell “no“ and to adhere to it. If you give in to hysterics and tears, your child will think:“ If I continue, I will be able to receive that I want“. If you try to find to yourself a justification, saying that you gave up, “to preserve the peace“, actually you will achieve the return result.

Christina Georgiu tried to cease to nurse Nikola from two-year age. She constantly said to the, now the four-year-old daughter that she does not want to nurse it more. But in spite of the fact that spoke to it “no“, knew Nicol that if it climbs to mother on hands when it sits down to call by phone, Christina will give up.

Between them frequent quarrels happened, but Nikola continued to receive that she wanted. The accruing Nikola`s aggression when spoke to it “no“, forced Christina to feel incapable to insist on the of fear that it will lead to stronger attack of anger. Thus, the vicious circle continued to exist.

Three-year-old twins Elodie and Asha Lunnis also understood that if they shout long enough and strongly, their mother of Szohr will fulfill all their requirements. Szohr in every way tried to ignore such behavior before a lunch. She tried to keep, but they arranged her such deafening sound representation that Szohr eventually was given and gave them cookies. “I could not take out more than it, - admitted Szohr. - They were not going to give up, and it could proceed for hours“.

the Sad sense is that every time when you give up, you encourage behavior which forced you to be given, and most likely in the child, it will be shown again. So if you want to tell “no“ to the child, it is necessary to clench teeth and to hold the ground.

of Any awards

Many parents use tactics:“ If you do not make x, then you will not receive at“. It can easily turn into empty and unrealistic threats. Children too well know that you, most likely, will not put such threats in action as:“ If you do not cease to do it, I will cancel a holiday“. When you threaten with what does not occur then, it only strengthens bad behavior of children and means that they just will not take you seriously.

However deprivation of awards or privileges can be very effective strategy. If you apply the table with stickers, and ignoring does not help, deprivation of an award can be effective spare strategy. When Luke Barton and Mathew Cristi began to behave badly, them at first in an amicable way, and then strictly asked to stop such behavior. If they did not cease, then lost an opportunity to earn a sticker, and their parents drew a sad face in the table. If there is too much sad faces, children did not receive an award at the end of the day.

In a case with more senior children who are capable to understand long-term value of their behavior you can resort to strategy which is that you will take away from them things as punishment for bad behavior. You can discuss it in advance with the children that they had a clear idea concerning what you expect from them, and possible punishments.

Mat and Mandy Elson drew with

the table of punishments for nine-year Shelby and seven-year-old Tanner and agreed that if they fight, then will waste time of game on their prize-winning game console. In the table their daily time of game on the game console was divided into six cells for five minutes everyone. Every time when boys behaved badly, in the table drew a cross, and they wasted the time. It well helped because any of boys did not want to waste more time, than his brother, thus, emulative spirit promoted uniformity of their behavior. Such approach is an effective way of reduction of number of quarrels, and also supports the concept of the fact that if you do about what you are asked, you will quicker receive that you want.