Rus Articles Journal

Talk to me, the father!

statistically, nearly a half of married women are sure that the child communicates with the father insufficiently. The most interesting that men recognize it too. However, only 36%. The others are convinced that they pay to the child the closest attention. At the same time about 12% of women declare that their husbands not just are engaged with children a little, and in general behave so as if they have no children. By the way, in Germany and Hungary only 2% of women accuse husbands of non-performance of father`s duties. Is what to think of, isn`t that so?

to the Son - friendship, the daughter - a praise

Psychologists are convinced by

: children of any age need love and attention of the father. And any floor. According to experts if the boy does not feel support of the father, he “absorbs“ maternal behavior model in which the male role simply - naprosto sags. As a result such boy not only can turn into “mother`s darling“, but also, being an adult, to establish a defective family. To become the man, it is not enough to be born the man - also the role model is necessary. The boy has to feel like the man, behave as the man etc.

At girls - the relationship with the father. The father helps the daughter to realize that she is beautiful, clever, successful. Mother can repeat hundred times that the daughter - the beauty and the clear head, but she, most likely, will turn to these words a deaf ear. If the compliment is paid by the father, the daughter will remember it for a long time, and, above all - will believe that it really the clear head and the beauty.

Besides the girl usually wants to see the same qualities what were pleasant to it in the father in the elects. That is the father becomes that level to which all candidates for her hand and heart should jump... That is why it is so important to p to tear off

your husband from the favourite newspaper and the TV, having reminded him that it has a child who needs it (it is possible even to palm off on it to read this text). Psychologists consider that even if the father daily will give to the offspring only 30 minutes, the child will feel more protected, as self-assured and happy. What attention is waited by children from the fathers?

From zero to five: to see and hear

during infancy to the kid the most important - to see and feel nearby not only mother, but also the father. Researches showed that babies whose fathers took the most active part in their education, cry less often, are not afraid of foreign people, are quieter. Therefore at this stage from the father the same is required as, in fact, and from mother, - to take the child more often on hands, to iron it, to talk to it. Let the kid will not understand that the father mutters to him a gruffish bass, but will catch tender intonation for certain. So persuade the husband not to be afraid the little son or the daughter (many men do not take children on hands, motivating it with the fact that can incidentally hurt them). Show the spouse as it is correct to hold the kid as to bathe him, it is worse to feed etc.

if the man perceives the baby as the competitor who stole the lion`s share of your attention. In that case let know to the husband that you understand how it is hard for him, - the fatherly instinct is formed gradually and it is hard to cross through the egoism sometimes. However explain to the spouse that the love to the child does not cross out your love to it at all.

be more attentive than

I during this period to the blessed. As the British and American scientists found out, at 5% of men the most real develops sometimes... postnatal depression. If you see that your spouse after the birth of the kid became aggressive or, on the contrary, suppressed, cause it on a straight talk (even better, consult with the psychotherapist). Such behavior of the husband ricochets not only on his own health, but also on health... child. According to scientists, among boys 3 - 5 - summer age of a problem with behavior twice met more often at those whose fathers had a postnatal depression. (At girls, however, this effect was expressed less. Probably, women have initially stronger mentality...)

So conclusion simple: the child has to see the father in good mood! Even if it has at work a work involving all hands. Even if its favorite soccer team lost with the shameful account. Even if the crucian on fishing spits out a bait, and the mother-in-law talks month through clenched teeth...

From five to nine: let`s do without criticism!

At this time the father can quite play with the child active games. Yes though in the same soccer or hockey (by the way, many girls drive a ball and a washer too willingly). We guarantee: both parties will be happy!

also one more pleasant “side effect“ of such communication Is. By results of researches, fathers during games give a bigger scope to the child, than mother. Men allow children to experiment, getting acquainted with world around. Mothers, as a rule, continually limit the child: “There do not go, dangerously!“, “Get down from a tree, not that you will fall!“ “Vylezi from a pool - you will have wet feet“ etc.

However, while the child gets acquainted with world around, the father should refrain from criticism of the child. Otherwise the child will not derive pleasure from game. It is much better to praise it for progress - it will inspire him. Therefore any remarks it seems: “Get down, you are not able to climb a rope at all!“ or “Yes who so serves a ball! From where at you hands grow!“ . If something is impossible to the child, it is necessary to show as how to do.

One more honourable function which can be assigned to the husband, - performance of lessons. To sit optional constantly near the child, but to check whether correctly the son solved a problem of mathematics, the father is quite able (and mother can quietly cook macaroni at this time or wash clothes).

Ask the husband to double attention if you have a son of preschool age. During this period there is a sexual identification - difficult process when the girl “reads out“ and “absorbs“ behavior of mother, the boy - the father. Ask the husband to be especially attentive to the son. Let talk about something special, man`s more often, walk together etc.

With nine to fifteen: let`s become friends!

During this period the role of the father increases even more. The father quite often becomes the expert in school problems. He teaches the son how to behave with peers (and if it is required, explains how to fight back them). He tells the boy about those physiological changes which wait for it (on intimate subjects better to talk to the girl mothers).

However, sometimes the return occurs - the son`s relations with the father during this period sharply worsen. Psychologists connect it with the fact that the teenager, seeing in the competitor`s father, tries to prove him and all the position around. And if still the father, in turn, too wants “to press him to a nail“, the kind relations can be broken off. Therefore the most optimum during the teenage period - to adhere to policy of a friendly neutrality. It is never possible to afford a practical advice, threat-.

of the Relation of the father with the daughter - the teenager - in general a separate subject. Many men hesitate to bathe the daughters, even when to them half a year. When to the young lady knocks years fifteen and she will begin to make up lips, to wear short skirts and to meet boys, fathers in general are lost. How with it to behave? Whether it is possible to punish and if it is possible, then how? You will not stand in the corner, in the soft place you will not splash - all - already almost the girl... Or it is better to put under house arrest at once?

Many fathers, without having found answers to these questions, it is simple - naprosto are discharged of the matured daughter, hiding the awkwardness behind affected severity or cynical humour. However, as psychologists consider, it is a big mistake! At best the girl, having felt confusion of the father, will begin “to swing“ from it money. In the worst - will fatally take offense at the father for indifference. She does not understand why she suddenly fell into disgrace...


the Most optimum that your husband during this period can make, - to become with the daughter friends. If that made any unseemly offense, the father can and has to talk to it, having explained why she did wrong (the opinion of the father is very important for the daughter!). But to dare to humiliate the daughter it is impossible - it will generate at her complexes for the rest of life.