Rus Articles Journal

Education of the child out of a family of

... The increasing number of fathers should reconcile to the fact that after divorce or parting they are forced to live separately from the children. Though it is much more difficult to live separately from a family, than together with it (from - for the rights of the father for the child and so on), nevertheless it is quite possible to become the good father if to exercise in business judgment. There is a number of the basic principles which as it seems to us, will help you with it.

Eight basic principles

Principle 1: get used to emotional consequences of parting or divorce

to Leave or get divorced always hardly and sick for all who are connected with it. For fathers it is sick to endure “melancholy“ after it is impossible to communicate daily with children more, and such fathers test the same range of feelings, as people who suffered a serious loss.

the Understanding of it will help you to be issued at the end of the tunnel. In - the first, to you it will be heavy from - for absence of children. You will want to cry, shout, howl or rush on all people around. The best way to help itself with this situation - it is valid to cry or go to the desert beach and there to be cried out. If you want to snatch on somebody, go to a gym and a poboksiruyta or vent the rage on the exercise machine. It will become much easier for you if you allow the emotions to come to light than if you constrained them.

After the first flow of emotions most of fathers begin to feel rage and indignation on “guilty“ - usually it is the former partner or legislative system which established rules of guardianship and the rights of the father for the child. This rage is quite explainable, but you have to remember that a protest against system or violation of the rules will only aggravate already bad situation. The best way to cope with this emotional phase - to make the decision to become such good father what allows to be legislative system, and to prove that you are stronger than circumstances, which against you.

the Last stage, as a rule, is acceptance of a situation. That is you at last reconcile to a new situation and therefore are ready to that to begin new life. Instead of remembering the former life, it is necessary to concentrate on this moment and to try to derive as much as possible benefit from a situation.

Principle 2: accept a maximum of participation in education of the child

Though you are limited in time of communication with the child, you have to take as much as possible part in his life. Support the child on school sports meets, you go to Christmas concerts, to football or netbolny matches. If there is opportunity, go to PTA meetings. Use any opportunity to see the child, and then you with a clear conscience will be able to tell that you made everything that in your forces to find for the child due time and attention.

Principle 3: do not count on support of your former partner

Even if the decision to leave was mutual, you should not count that the partner will continue to support you and now. It does not mean that you will be surely deprived by supports, but you should not count on it. Rather you will begin to live independently, the it will be better for you and for your children.

Principle 4: create alternative system of support

do not think that you do not need support at all. It is required. It is always good to create alternative system of support, having strengthened old friendly relations. They will help you to rejoice to those aspects of life which are not connected with children.

Principle 5: care for the child in his interests

the Typical mistake of the divorced parents is the fact that they compete with each other in the one who will gather points on “education“ of the child more. For example, mother can forbid food fast food, and the father goes to a local pizzeria and buys there everything that will want to the child. Such act, maybe, will increase popularity of the father in the opinion of the child, but it is only temporary popularity, and further it will not bring anybody benefit.

the Role of the good father has to remain invariable even if you began to live separately from the child. Your task still is in being the best father even if it threatens with loss of the importance in the opinion of the child. When you are with the child, aspire besides to the high level of parental skill as though you lived together with a family.

Principle 6: bring up respect of the child for both parents

Though you do not live with the former partner any more, your child all the same has to be brought up in love and respect for both of you. It is necessary to be careful in expressions at conversation on the child`s mother at his presence and to learn to respect both parents. The problem of use of children as “buffer“ is terrible the fact that children suffer, and from it it becomes better for nobody. Consciously maintaining the benevolent relations, you have much more chances to keep open channels of communication with your former partner that, naturally, will result in bigger stability in the relations.

Principle 7: do not nitpick

When you lived together with the spouse, you had a right to take part in all aspects of life of your child, since what he eats for breakfast up to that, in how many it has to go to bed. Everything becomes perfect another when you begin to live separately, and to you, maybe, it is necessary to cease to pay attention to the moments with which you do not agree. It to make the easiest way - to use the motto of the American author Richard Carlson:“ Not to nitpick“. In other words, try to ignore those ordinary things with which you could not agree earlier, and defend at the former partner the position on povo? du of the basic moments, such, for example, as choice of school or frame of admissible behavior. Such position will make your life much less intense than if you carped at any trifles.

Principle 8: regularly communicate with your former partner

If the former partner not against, it is quite good to take for the rule to communicate regularly with each other (for example, once in two weeks or once a month) that it was possible to discuss life and development of the child and to make some important decisions together. Such prospect, perhaps, not really will please you, especially if you badly left. But if you are ready to forget about personal offenses for the sake of wellbeing of the child, your life of the father who is not living with a family will become much easier.

Though all list of rules of education of children after divorce cannot be completely listed to

in this book, these eight main principles can be useful to you.