Psychological stages of acceptance of the child in seven
Since the moment when the adopted child for the first time sees the new family and before he begins to feel like her full-fledged member, there passes usually a lot of time. It is rather difficult period: adaptation sometimes takes about a year. Let`s consider serially all its stages, first of which we will call “Honeymoon“.
This stage begins
“Honeymoon“ even before final arrival of the child to a family - during his first visits on a visit. Such intermediate stage is convenient for development of the relations between the child and parents as it does not assume heavy responsibility. At this stage everything usually goes just remarkably: parents try that to the child it was good, encourage him, give gifts, and the child, in turn, very much tries to be pleasant.
during “Honeymoon“ adoptive parents have to make thrifty use of feelings of the child: you should not call him the son or the daughter, to apply for a roditelstvo, to try to approach quicker. Also it is not necessary to load the child new impressions - his mentality can not cope with large volume of fresh information.
Happens that new experiences are negatively reflected in the child. As a result he begins to be alarmed, badly to sleep, be exposed to differences of mood. In such situation it is necessary to be the most attentive to the kid.
One more important point which needs to be considered: from the point of view of the child it loses the blood family not while gets on “neutral territory“ - to child care facility and when comes to a foster home. Often the child tests fault, feels like the traitor. Anyway support of his new parents is necessary for it.“Any more not the guest“
Of the second stage of adaptation crisis of relationship. Can seem to adoptive parents that the good and dear child suddenly as if was changed. He ceases to obey, behaves not as adults want. At such moment adoptive parents can be frightened whether they made a mistake? Whether correctly made that took this child in a family?
needs to be noted Here that similar situations - natural process. And in most cases it demonstrates that the relations in a family develop correctly. Let`s consider the main reasons for crisis.
- of Emergence of trust to adoptive parents and weakening of “an emotional spring“. it is As if strange
sounded, but deterioration in behavior of the child should be considered as a good sign. The matter is that the child very much tried to be pleasant to adults during the entire period which we conditionally called “Honeymoon“. However long it is impossible to constrain itself - and at some moment the kid “releases“ emotional intensity, begins to react to stressful situations in a way, usual for himself created in “last“ life. Actually the child from this point trusts a family true, not absolutely priglyadny parties are and there is a proximity sign in the relations. The child feels that he “will not be banished any more“.
- Unavailability of the child to the appeared requirements and expectations. to
to Deterioration in behavior of the child can be promoted by mistakes of his adoptive parents. You should not demand gratitude from the child - he, of course, is grateful, but does not know yet how to express the feelings.“ The child still should seize this skill in a foster home“ - the specialist of the Doctors to Children organization explains a difficult situation, Devoyan N. B. Takzhe it is not necessary to attribute to the kid more knowledge and abilities, than at it is. It is impossible to forget about the difficulties of the child connected with emotional and intellectual problems.
- Increase of children`s alarm from - for incomplete understanding of the place and the role in the accepting family.
It is circumstance can disturb the little person in addition. Explanations from adults about its future are required for the child. But before starting such conversation, it is necessary to agree on this issue with the social worker.
- the Previous injuring life experience of the child. When the child trusts
to a family, he begins to tell symbolically about the intra family relations in “former“ life. To it it is just necessary to endure the last experience by means of emotions and actions normally to develop further. How it happens? For example, so.
is Told by adoptive mother of six-year-old Ania: “The first month Anechka was just gold child, we could not rejoice on it - kind, tender. And suddenly there was strange. Somehow in the morning I came to it into the room and found out that she sits and with concentration breaks off a hand to a doll. On a floor two more dolls, already without hands and legs rolled. Strange, would never come to my mind that at this girl such aggressive rushes“can
be Quite possible that thus the girl tried to show the child abuse accepted in her blood family. You should not be frightened such manifestations. It is necessary to regret a doll together with the child, speaking at the same time:“ How so? Perhaps, it is possible to treat it? Let`s not offend a doll any more“. However, if it repeats, it is better to address for council the children`s psychologist.to
Why crisis is necessary for a foster home?
- Crisis helps parents to find the child`s problems. Cannot pass
- to the following stage of adaptation in a foster home, passing the crisis period. Unresolved emotional problems will remind of themselves again and again and to pull a family back. Having passed
- through crisis, adoptive parents get necessary confidence, become tutors of higher qualification that, undoubtedly, helps them to achieve great success in strengthening of a family. the Child begins to feel
- in a family more surely too: he precisely knows that it will not be banished even if he will make something incorrectly.
- At successful passing of crisis at the child the level of uneasiness decreases and the self-assessment raises that allows it to build more harmonious relations with family members.
- Eventually, nothing rallies a family better, than joint overcoming of difficulties!
Word to adoptive parents:
- of Ya did not expect these difficulties... And main difficulties still ahead. to
- needs ability to be with the child, patience.
- Crises will be, do not create illusions, but without them it is impossible to move forward!
At this stage the foster home can have some problems too. Often it happens so that parents pay not enough attention to blood children if they are available in a family. Special attention to the adopted child can irritate blood children, cause rejection, jealousy, revolt. They, it is similar reception, can also begin to behave badly, at them the mood, progress at school can decrease. However problems with the adopted child will help parents to understand better and problems of blood children.
But, nevertheless, at this stage, as a rule, and adoptive parents and the child sigh freely. The child begins to feel really as at home, accepts the rules of conduct which developed in a family. Also appearance of the child changes: he puts on weight, the condition of his skin and hair improves, allergic reactions stop. The child becomes more independent and self-assured.And still should remember
that any change happening in a family can render on only - only the child beginning to get used the injuring influence.
“Stabilization of the relations“
At this stage the family finally becomes a family. All know what place they take in each other life, all are satisfied with a condition of the family. The adopted child behaves as well as blood children, he is quiet for himself and for the future though the destiny of blood parents and other problems can disturb him.
Adaptation of adoptive parents
“To adoptive parents should not be forgotten about itself and the feelings at all!“ - the psychologist of the Doctors to Children organization, Abrosova L. M. reminds. Adaptation in a new family happens from two parties: the child gets used to a new situation, but and adoptive parents have to get used to it.
needs to be remembered that anyway, to be an adoptive parent is a work which demands certain expenses: emotional, temporary and others. And, as well as any other work, it demands rest.
Word to adoptive parents:
- of the moments when there was a wish to throw everything Happened, I could not understand why to me all this is necessary. But gradually I understood: I am right, I on the way.
- Ya would pass all way again.
- Children force ourselves to change.