We are on friendly terms “houses“. The relations with married couples of
Quite often young couples “are on friendly terms houses“, spending together leisure-time, sharing with each other pleasures and in common solving problems. But happens that pregnancy introduces some amendments in such friendship...
Expectation of the kid - one of the most important periods in the woman`s life. Having learned about the new situation, many of us change the way of life, set the new purposes, begin to be interested more in the questions connected with future child... And as we wait for that moment when we share this news with close people! We represent their reaction, we think out in what situation to us it to report, - there are a lot of new subjects and questions which should be discussed! Emotional communication and support are very important for future mother, however not always changes in your life are correctly perceived by people around and friends of the family. Happens very hardly to realize that cordial relations with married couples - friends with whom earlier you shared joyful moments and which were helped at a difficult moment are now saddened by misunderstanding or disagreements. Let`s try to understand the possible difficulties arising in communication between couple staying in pleasant expectation and friends of the family.“We it passed
“When I learned that I expect a baby, to my happiness there was no limit. I was overflowed at the same time by a pride and feeling of alarm. When we told joyful news to parents and friends - a married couple with two kids, they were very glad for us: At last and you will understand what means to be parents! . However after that our joint meetings turned for me into torture. Katya constantly told me about the pregnancy and childbirth. At first I was even delighted that to me is with whom to discuss the questions concerning me, however then understood that Katya decided to become my tutor and to control completely all process . Once I drank sparkling water, Katya right there flew up and minutes ten gave lecture on an occasion of harm of aerated water. She began to criticize my campaigns to the pool though the doctor advised me to float. And all this because it has more experience, and she better me knows that to do to me. Fuel to the fire was added also by Oleg, keeping saying: And when Katya waited our youngest, did not eat so much sweet - it is a direct road to diathesis! All these councils and comments began to cause in me steady irritation and if at first I was silent, then then began to argue, even with what at heart considered correct. Our relations went wrong. Frankly speaking, we with the husband very much want that everything was still, and Katya with Oleg remained our best friends“.
Reporting news about the kid to the friends having children you have to be ready to the increased enthusiasm and desire to help you during such responsible period. They, as they say, already passed all this and now are ready to pass on all experience earlier unclaimed by you. You should not deny attempts of friends something at once to advise or to share the knowledge in some situations. Present that you the honored teacher and to you comes to school the young girl who just gained the diploma. Well unless you will have no desire to help it, to set it, or perhaps even to warn about possible difficulties? Very important with understanding to treat attempts of friends to give to you advice. Really they, most likely, faced various questions and problems, trying on on themselves a role of parents, and now try to warn you against possible mistakes. In such situation it is better to listen to recommendations especially as some can be to you useful, and it will be pleasant to friends that their help was demanded. But it is not obligatory to conform blindly to those rules which were developed for themselves by your friends, expecting the kid. It is important to choose what really suits you.
cases when the desire of relatives to help future mother only harms the safe course of pregnancy, especially Happen if recommendations of friends have categorical character: “Only it is correct - and anything else!“ . If couple criticizes or even condemns your some acts, based on the last experience, then it not only will spoil joint communication, but also will negatively affect your emotional state. In such situation it is better to compare the health and feelings during pregnancy to how the period of expectation of the kid at friends proceeded. Here the most important for you - to find as much as possible distinctions, thereby having shown that you have all in a different way and not all recommendations can be true. You can be helped by the husband who too, in turn, will remember that his mother, for example, swam in the pool almost till last month and by that was better prepared for childbirth, of course, it is desirable to carry out all these comparisons in the benevolent atmosphere, letting know friends that you respect their opinion and are ready to it to listen, but the final decision remains for you and “is not subject to discussion“.
“We give birth together?“
“We are on friendly terms with Diana since the childhood therefore when we had families, and our husbands became friends. We never had problems in mutual understanding until I became pregnant, Diana by that moment gave birth to the daughter and was in a maternity leave. During pregnancy Diana and Kostya (her husband) supported us, and the relations were very good. When they understood that I will give birth to one, their indignation there was no limit: Why one? It is not modern! You have to endure everything together etc. Within the next weeks Diana with Kostya in every possible way tried to force us to change the decision and used for this purpose various methods - from an own example to authoritative sources which were enclosed to me in a bag by Diana. Frankly speaking, I did not even think that this disagreement can upset seriously our friendship. As a result, when children came to congratulate us, Kostya everything is did not keep and added: Well, - that still early to congratulate Sergey, he did not experience yet that means to become the father! After that our relations became much more cool. Still I will not understand why was of such great importance for them how we will give birth?“ .
Guarantee of successful partner childbirth is the decision made in common. If one of future parents has slightest fluctuations, it is better to leave idea about participation in families of the father so far. In most cases married couples just want to participate in this event, important for your family, and to see that their knowledge was useful to you. Therefore in order that your friendly relations proceeded, you should not become isolated and declare on “taboo“. If you have rather confidential relations with friends, then you can state the fears or fears and to discuss them better to understand, you suit joint childbirth or not. If you do not just refuse such form of childbirth or will state criticism in their address, and explain to friends why they do not suit you, and as if to you it was more comfortable and quieter to give birth, then, most likely, they will cease to insist and will make your decision. It will be more correct to show to friends what you trust them and you appreciate their help, to ask council them and to share the experiences. Try to explain to couple that you not against the method to give birth together, just now it in something does not suit you, but next time you will surely be prepared and will give birth together!
“Pregnancy - not an illness!“
“We with the husband always led active lifestyle: were fond of mountain skiing, diving, sports walking. Therefore also friends at us with similar interests. We often spent holidays together, went to the exotic countries. However, when friends learned that I in situation, our relations sharply changed. I very long could not understand what occurred: earlier all our adventures we planned together. Of course, in connection with pregnancy I had to refuse extreme sports, but departure on the nature, fishing or walk on park is only on advantage! I tried to invite them to spend time together, but they found the mass of pretexts to refuse. As a result my husband found out that friends just are afraid that something happens to me. They have no children yet, and pregnancy is represented to them something extraordinary. I now in their understanding something like a crystal vase which it is necessary to store and blow off carefully dust, and that the most surprising, they do not know what with me to speak about! Only after long explanations that I feel well and that I am the same Inna, they began to belong more or less quietly to my situation, but all the same a question: And it is possible for you? they set practically before each my action“.
the stereotype that the woman expecting the kid has to limit herself in many respects Exists: in the movement, work, sport, gastronomic addictions etc. Future mother, of course, has restrictions, but you should not go into extremes too. If the doctor does not see threat to the safe course of pregnancy, then life of future mother at her desire can be rather active, of course, to couples which do not have children sometimes difficult adequately to estimate changes which happen to the woman expecting the kid. Excessive care in relation to the pregnant woman or on the contrary full ignoring of her situation is peculiar to the people who do not have sufficient information on the period of expectation of the child. Therefore in order that your friends did not begin to treat you as to an alien being or, on the contrary, would not present you such subscription long-awaited earlier on ten parachute jumps, it is necessary to carry out several “introduction lectures“. You can tell about features of an organism of the woman during pregnancy, about in what it would be useful to be engaged and what it is necessary to refrain so far from. At each meeting it is possible to tell about those changes which happen to you and the kid that was recommended to you by the doctor. This talk not only will help friends to understand better your new state, but also will prompt them ideas for joint rest.
Of course, will tell with friends only about pregnancy it is too tiresome and uninteresting therefore do not forget about your joint hobbies. Remember that in their life nothing changed, and they are concerned by the same problems. Try to pay to the subjects concerning them it is more than attention, be interested in their affairs at work and just mood. Generally barriers in communication between couples arise or from - for a lack of information, that is misunderstanding of a situation, or from - for the fact that future mother is too concentrated on the situation and can argue only on the subjects concerning her. However all these difficulties are surmountable. The main thing - is opened to talk to friends about why your relations changed, to convince them that you remained former, and expectation of the child is a joyful event in your life, and you want that they together with you shared this pleasure.
“And how we?“
“We are on friendly terms with Lena since the childhood therefore in the one who will be bridesmaid at it at a wedding doubts were not. With Sergey we had friendly relations too, and about all events which are taking place in our families, we learned the first. The matter is that we with Lena together planned pregnancy, and so happened that neither at it, nor this long time was impossible to me. But here the long-awaited moment came, and I saw treasured two strips! In a week we with the husband went to friends on a visit to report joyful news, however we in their eyes did not read big pleasure. I tried to give hope to them, to tell that at them too everything will turn out soon, but all my arrangements were vain. I tried to call them, invited to go to the cinema, but the relations obviously went wrong“.
the child`s Birth for the woman - the most important moment in life and if it is delayed for the reasons which are not depending on it, then it can cause not only negative emotions, a stress, the increased concern level, but also the wrong assessment of the situation. If you faced that couple apprehended your good luck as the loss and friends began to avoid communication with you, then it is worth together to try it correcting. First of all remember what subjects you discussed more before planned pregnancy, than together were fond. Invite friends to joint rest, be not afraid to share the impressions of that pleasure which you test, but at the same time try to give hope to them. Tell that pregnancy was an unexpected event for you and that you then did not think of it at all. Advise friends to distract from sad thoughts too and just to give tenderness and love each other. It is possible to attract the girlfriend to the solution of the different questions connected with preparation for childbirth. She dreams of it too, and your task - to switch its installation with “Ah, what a pity, what I am not pregnant“ on “Oh how it is interesting, and to what it?“ . The most important - do not allow your friends to become isolated and at a meeting do not avoid subjects about future kid, being afraid to injure them. Try to carry away them the cares and to help them to get off negative mind, tell how you would be glad if they the first reported joyful news.
In communication with friends conform to several simple rules:try to understand
- why friends quite so react to your situation; you do not become
- in defense, do not take offense;
- talk openly about the experiences; explain to
- the point of view, ask for suggestions; let know
- how you appreciate the help and participation of friends; be not too concentrated by
- on the situation, be interested in affairs of friends; explain
- and inform friends on features of the situation, on restrictions or recommendations of the doctor.
Remember that difficulties in the relations with friends in most cases are temporary. Watching you and your situation, they will begin to understand better you, and intensity will pass in communication with time.