Rus Articles Journal

Be not afraid, I am with you!

Nightmares dream at any age. But if adults can by effort of will wake up, with relief sigh and quickly forget a bad dream, then to children it is more difficult. Together with the educational psychologist Tatyana Shishova we bring to your attention several “soothing strategy“ which will help mothers and fathers to struggle with children`s fears - real and invented.

Sometimes the fear becomes so big

that the child is afraid to go to bed. However, children are frightened not only nightmares, but also darkness, and loneliness, and “bandits are robbers“, and a lot of things are many other things.

Eli`s

- the prophet goes by the chariot...

“Once we with Vanya got under terrible heavy rain. It were the real falls from heaven! The gale-force wind blew, the thunder rattled, the lightning continually sparkled. We walked in park when the storm unexpectedly flew, and did not manage to reach the house. Vanya sat in a carriage with the lowered peak, covered with my jacket and a waterproof cover, but all the same inconsolably sobbed - was strongly frightened. Yes I and most felt ill at ease. Since then Vanya still is afraid to go outside during a rain even if he slightly drizzles“.
Elena, mother 3 - summer Vanya

the Comment of the expert. It is very important, having noticed that the kid was frightened of something, to find out the fear reason, to console the kid, to take on hands, to caress. Do not laugh at the child at all and do not reproach with cowardice, otherwise the kid will acquire that you not only will not help him, but also offend. Imagine that you something madly were frightened, complained to the husband, and the spouse instead of sympathy and support derided you. About many children`s problems it is possible to tell that over time their child will outgrow. However with fears the situation is different - the kid grows, and his fears grow together with him. Therefore it is so important to help the child to struggle with “horrors“ of the imagination. Helping the child to overcome itself, you do not hurry.“ More haste less speed“ - the known Russian proverb says. It is better to get rid of fears gradually that they disappeared as if by itself. Always you remember that to the child his cowardice prevents to live and wounds him much stronger, than you. Therefore expel fear not sarcasm, but a praise. For example, if the child did not decide to go outside during a rain but only, having slightly opened a door, he looked out on the street, note it, tell the family (at the child) about his courageous act, admire. The child by all means will want to hear once again from you pleasant words, and next time he will look out again, and then and will come to a porch. Also will so gradually manage to overcome the fear, without shouts and hysterics.

I do not want to lay down

“Every evening I cannot lay the child. Sometimes the son rows openly, and sometimes though agrees to go to bed, but on fifty times runs in a toilet or to drink waters. Once Dima admitted to me that he is afraid of bad dreams. But it seems to me, it is only an excuse that I longer sat with it“.
Karina, mother 3 - summer Dima

the Comment for the expert. at the age of 3 - 4 years children begin to learn more about world around, and fears become more difficult. So, many kids do not want to go to a bed from - for fear of nightmares which children perceive as something is perfect from them not dependent, but powerful. Terrible images can pursue the child for years therefore mothers and fathers should not neglect everything, avoiding a subject of bad dreams. Induce the kid to tell about the dreams which frightened him, persuade the kid to draw the come in dream images and surely notice ridiculous details in his drawings. It is also possible to win back bad dreams by means of puppet theater, bringing unexpected ridiculous turns of events in a plot. Focus attention of the baby on absurd and absurdities of dreams, taking away the child from exact reproduction of a bad dream and doing the end of a performance positive. For example, if in a dream the kid could not escape from a monster, then in a sketch he can pull a scaffold that the monster stumbled and with grunting and squeals stretched on the road. So, winning back bad dreams, the child will feel that he finds the power over dreams, and will cease to be afraid to fall asleep in the evenings.

Horror of white dressing gowns

“When to Yana was two years old, we were hospitalized with pneumonia. For Yana it was the terrible stress especially as several times a day to it pricked antibiotics. Since then Yanochka madly is afraid of doctors. Even on survey at the pediatrician she cries and is capricious. No arrangements help. There is a strong wish to help the child, but I do not understand what to do“.
Maria, mother 3 - summer Yana

the Comment of the expert. Many children are afraid of doctors, pricks, pain. Being afraid of sneers of peers, at school age children overcome similar fears. However and here it is worth helping the kid. Especially if the child had a psychological trauma, and there was resistant, a little controlled fear of hospital and doctors. It is possible to read fairy tales “Adventures of a Yellow Small Suitcase“ or “Doctor Aybolit“, and then to play sketches on these works. Buy “The doctor`s set“ and play with the child in hospital. Lose procedures which cause fear in the child as much as possible carefully. It is important that the child acted also as the doctor, and as the patient. And let will play different patients: at first courageous and sustained, and then timid the little coward. Only do not hint the kid that he in real life behaves as the last, trusovaty patient. And even if the child himself will start similar conversation, dispel his doubts and tell that earlier, perhaps, he also behaved similarly, but today all differently. The children who visited hospital often have concealed fears. Therefore it is necessary to play in “hospital“ only at total absence of resistance of the child. If the kid says to you that this game is not pleasant to him, he was tired, wants to take a walk / esteem / draw, so the fear of hospital still is so strong that it is worth postponing game for some time. And when you will start again, let not the child, and a bear cub or a doll will be “sick“ to avoid direct analogy.

do not deride fears of the kid At all!
show

In game how parents, the family, friends visit the little patient, bring gifts, gifts, look after. Or the plot can be turned in other party; bear cub mother was hospitalized, and he visits her and encourages. Gradually, when the child will cease to resist, he can try to play the patient. Emphasize that the kid - the real daredevil, the hero who underwent heavy moral and physical sufferings (and often it happens the real truth) that he is respected, appreciate, love.

Very often parents confuse concepts of fear and a phobia. However the phobia is a pathological form of horror which cannot almost be overcome independently without the assistance of the expert. So, if your kid is afraid of water, he can cry during bathing, but all of you will be able to persuade him to get into a bathtub. At the child with a phobia of the hysteric begins at only one turn of the crane, and the kid cannot be convinced even urinate legs.

“To me it is so lonely“

“When Lena was 2,5 years old, we went to large shopping center. I turned away for a second to pay off on cash desk and when looked back - Lena and the trace caught a cold. The daughter was found quickly enough, but she was shocked. Since then the child as was changed. Lena is afraid to remain one even in the room! She needs to feel constantly presence of the family“.
Darya, mother 3 - summer Lena

the Comment of the expert. As a rule, to fear of loneliness impressionable, nervous kids who are usually shy, indecisive are subject, possess the rich imagination and a high intelligence. However at the developed imagination they are not able to occupy themselves, badly play single games, pine with boredom, they have no rather deep internal life. And as these children do not find a way out of the imagination, their imagination begins to draw them chilling pictures. Terrible images pursue such kids even during daylight hours. This feature amplifies if the child has a psychological trauma: it was lost, one was in hospital, for a long time at early age it was torn off from mother etc. Therefore to such kids constant society of other people is so necessary. To help the child feeling lonely not only it is possible, but also it is necessary - first of all, sending the rich imagination to the creative course.

About 3 - 5% of children thunder-storms, darkness and pain suffer from phobias, the most widespread of which - fear of animals, insects. If you suspect that at your child the phobia develops, surely address the pediatrician or the children`s psychologist. Do not ignore at all a problem as over time it can only be aggravated.

Train the kid in role-playing games, be engaged in drawing, a molding and play with the kid games on overcoming of fear of loneliness. For example, the child can act as a small shchenochk who was lost during walk or in shop: the puppy became puzzled, frightened, began to cry. Think up what kind events happened to a puppy further and as eventually he was found by the pleased parents to whom the puppy told of the interesting adventures. Or it is possible to play game in which the kid will act as the patron: the child (represents itself), walking on the street, sees the baby lost, crying with a grief and horror, calms her, takes under the guardianship and helps to find mother. At the end happy mother of the baby and city authorities award the order to the child of valor and the courageous defender. Besides, it is accurate, you teach the child to be left without pressing in the room alone. At first for short term, 3 - 5 minutes, gradually increasing a time interval. But leave the kid not just like that, and promising a surprise. It is possible even to play the game “Exchange of Surprises“: you go to other room behind a gift for the kid, and the child has to think up a surprise for you at this time. Only try that your gift really pleased the baby, and you do not stint a praise, receiving “gift“ from the child. Positive emotions and an interesting task will force out fear, and slowly the kid will get used to remain one.