Rus Articles Journal

Without shame. Are you sure?

by Diffident us are done by society, our environment. It is much easier to operate the indecisive, weak, timid person! With little effort it is possible to force to do anything...

Sitting opposite to the beauty - the director of one of the most known design - bureau, Yulya was nervous so that she nearly fell down from an edge of the chair offered it. “My God! - she, but why I am not such thought?!“. Direktorsha, apparently, was not only the beauty, but also the clear head, time achieved such heights. “Now she will ask whether I own „ Adobe Illustrator, “ - feverishly Yulya thought, - and I only „ Corel drow “ I know. To admit or tell lies honestly what worked? And suddenly the task will give at once?“ And, the task, of course, was right there given.

- you will be able to make

by tomorrow? - having slightly smiled, the clear head - the beauty asked.

- I Will try to make, - Yulya peeped.

she had no Interview...

What is uncertainty and from where it undertakes? Are born or become sure? And with what uncertainty is connected? Let`s try to understand.

the True self-confidence needs to be developed, as well as any other skill - whether it be the letter, reading or driving the bicycle.

Though originally any person is self-assured

. Observe kids - all of them safely make something from what at adults sometimes goosebumps run! 2 - 3 - the summer peanut safely and without doubting grabs, for example, a tail a stray dog.

by Diffident us is done by society, our environment. It is much easier to operate the indecisive, weak, timid person! With little effort it is possible to force to do anything... Very important role is played by a family. If parents are authoritative, subject children to strong criticism at the slightest pretext, constantly point out to them the defects, otherwise, do not accept their such what they are, then unless self-assured persons will turn out from children? Most likely, the child “will adapt“, hiding the to nobody unnecessary I, and will seek to correspond to opinion of parents. Later the role of “the condemning parents“ will be played by society, dictating the requirements. The person who is Rather assured in himself can be brought up only by the parents loving and respecting him.


what you do surely and that - no? Correctly, well familiar things do not force you to doubt the answer or action. You do not deliberate, answering the first grader a question:“ How many there will be twice two“? And how you learned to drive the car, remember? At first it is careful, slowly and any radio! And now as you feel, later years ten? Means, our confidence (or uncertainty) is connected with the firmness of our knowledge, last experience.

One more moment: often we become uncertain (and sometimes and just we are afraid), imagining consequences of actions which we want to carry out. For example, couple quarreled. In principle, She is already ready to ask forgiveness, but thinks: “And if He does not forgive me? Yes I will ridiculously look!“

Or other example: “I should execute this order surely! I do not know yet as, but if I do not make it, I will be precisely fired!“ And here, please, the fear before inevitable (notice, yourself planned in advance) result will paralyze and gives rise to that uncertainty in the forces. Yes - and - and... What a difference successful businessmen, figures of show - a biz and policy! They - that are sure of everything, do not doubt anything and are afraid of nothing!

Here paradox: these persons also address psychotherapists “to treat“... uncertainty. Though, just they also do not complain of lack of self-confidence, and come to consultations concerning the disorder of life, its dullness increased uneasiness and aggression.

Actually, the person testing uncertainty is ashamed. But not that, “usual“ shame - for some unseemly act. Here the person feels shame for himself, shame before other people. He internally feels that such what it is actually it is insufficiently good, is necessary to nobody. He tries to reach the requirements established not by him, considering that having risen to a certain level, will adequately look, afford a lot of things from the fact that he does not do “usual mortal“. All he achieved - success in business, wealth, the secular status, favorable marriage, - proofs that “at me everything turned out!“, “I could!“ “I am better than many (and even all)“. And, notice: the opinion of people around means to the person more, than his own assessment! Without thinking of itself, such people are very anxious with the outer side. Are ready “to improve“ themselves by means of plastic surgery, prompt career development, abundance of money, but only not to accept itself such what they are actually. And though the similar copy seems to other people the penetrative, strong-willed, rigid personality, such self-confident egoist stopping at nothing, really it is anxious only with what impression it makes on people around how it looks among the others - whether it is worse? The real egoist never nothing will begin to prove to anybody, he and so about himself knows everything!

Several recommendations which have to help you to learn to find self-confidence.

you Love
  1. and accept yourself such what you are. You are unique and you should not try to reach “others“ level. It is possible to achieve the desirable, at the same time having lost the identity and composure.
  2. Get support of relatives and family. If difficult most to analyse the behavior, to reveal situations when you are not sure of something, ask them to share the impression. Not to take offense only at criticism, and to accept it as one more step which is bringing closer you to achievement of success.
  3. Uncertainty - the certificate that we something are not able or we do not know
  4. . Exit: to learn it or to learn it, but to move to begin at once and to study therein, without waiting for the moment when you it “precisely are able“.
  5. But you are sure by
  6. of something! And for certain in your life there was an episode (and not one) when you radiated absolute confidence! Remember, when and how it occurred what feelings you had what you thought that you did what was told? Fix this state and in a “doubtful“ situation return reminiscence. It is fine exercise for finding of confidence.
  7. do not forget
  8. about sense of humour. Feeling uncertainly, joke of yourself! It is optional that people around heard your joke though it often “relieves“ the tension. To you the joke will help to remove stress and constraint.

I in general, you remember how Irina Muravyyovoy`s heroine in the movie “Moscow Does Not Trust Tears“ spoke, disproving uncertainty of the girlfriend? “And you lyapay, but lyapay it is sure. Then it is called „ point of view “!“

Now, several years later, the owner of the small, but already steadily working advertizing agency of Yuli remembers “that“ interview with laughter:“ Yes I such would not take too! - she speaks about herself in the third party. - In - the first, mumbled hardly - hardly, in - the second, on the edge of a chair of the village, and it it by right was! And, in - the third, this word „ I will try “. Unless the person who comes to get a job so will tell! „ I Will make “ - this business another“.

But Yulia does not deny that found in itself confidence it thanks to those meetings after which with tears came back home. Every time she noted gaps in the knowledge, mistakes in the speech and behavior, represented more accurately how it is better to present himself to potential employers. Also continued “to study“ so until felt assured so that opened own business!