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Whether special circumstances of

need to be reported to the child about the forthcoming divorce? Whether not too it is small for such information and whether will be able to understand what occurs between mother and the father? It disturbs many parents who made the decision to leave. How to explain to the child what changes are coming in his family, in his life how softly to prepare him for this event?

of Neprostoi the period

Divorce - a heartrending experience for all family. Such decision is given not easy and is almost always followed by the conflicts and a loud showdown. As a rule, the child does not remain away from the events, and even it appears in the firing line, or serves as “cover“ to one of parents.

the Habitual world of the kid falls. Range of parental emotions during this difficult period fluctuates from hostility and fits of anger to despondency and despair, and the child can take it personally. It is difficult for it to understand that the events concern only parents. The child can have sense of guilt, considering that he made some oversight and... became the divorce reason.

The earlier you explain

to him that your decision is not connected with it, the less at it will be the bases to blame itself that his parents will not live together. Let know to the child that he is not responsible for divorce, but also it cannot influence your decision too.

Help the child

during divorce the behavior of the kid can change considerably, it becomes whining, stubborn, irascible. The sleep, appetite can be interrupted, there are new or already available fears amplify. Emergence of these or those symptoms says that experiences of the child are so strong that he cannot cope with them and support and the help are necessary for it. And first of all from parents. What to begin with? Openly talk to the child about what changes will happen in your life. In this situation it will be unambiguously better that both parents participated in conversation. Tell the kid that you understand how it is hard for him, it is very sad when mother and the father leave.

Surely you say

also about the feelings and experiences, about how you are upset. Many parents try to hide the feelings, to pretend that everything is all right. But, as it is paradoxical, such behavior only complicates a situation: and then the kid feels in isolation, alone with the alarm, grief, fears. Showing the feelings, you thereby “legalize“ feelings of the child, let it know that his experiences are pertinent and natural in such situation. He should not hide them. If the child is able freely to express the feelings: for the destroyed family, fear of separation, the powerlessness something to change anger to parents, alarm, grief, it will not need to express it differently, by means of symptoms: losses of a dream, appetite, emergence of nightmares...

you exchange
angry remarks or do not talk with each other, and the father moved to sleep on a sofa? Even if you did not make a final decision on divorce yet and documents did not file a lawsuit, everything it is necessary to offer some explanations for the child:“ Now we become angry at each other and often we quarrel, it not from - for you. We love you still“.

to be at loss for words

Speaking with the child about divorce, surely tell about the reasons, it is important. You should not think out nothing (“To the father more convenient to live at the mother, he works hard“ or “The father went to business trip“).


to the child about how you got acquainted, about the best moments which were endured together, about what is pleasant to you in each other. Explain to him that the love not always lasts eternally. He will understand that even if the love between his parents ended, it nevertheless existed and that it is a fruit of this love.

Conversation with the child on divorce cannot do without manifestation of feelings and sometimes - without tears. You for certain are afraid to afflict the child with this news and manifestation of own emotions. The most important - tell the child that you cry not from - for it, now to you it is very sad, and you cannot keep from tears. Your behavior will allow the child to express the feelings also openly. If it needs it, he will cry too.
Surely tell

to the child that your case is not single, it occurs in many families, it is sad, but it happens.

you do not say

that your marriage was a mistake and that separately it will be better for all of you. Even if it so for you, integrity of a family is rather important for the child, and you should not call it in question.

Calm the child, you do not speak to it: “Mother and the father do not love each other any more“. Tell better:“ Our love as husband and wife ended, but there was a love of mother and father“. You leave as couple, but at the same time remain parents. For your child in this quality you are still uniform. And it needs to keep former communication and the relations with each of parents.

Discussing the situation with the family or acquaintances, choose expressions even if you are upset. Try to avoid in the presence of the child reproaches in the spirit of “his father“ or “his mother“, learn to replace them on “husband“ “wife“. Do not use remarks it seems “Your father (mother) always such!“ or “You behave as your father (mother)!“ Too late, words are already told? The child can understand better you if you tell that said them in a temper and now regret for it. Having made it, you also grant to the child the right to show discontent with your divorce.

to it:“ The father (mother) will live in other house, but it is your house too“. Surely discuss with each other in what mode you will see the child, do not neglect it. When you make the decision on days and hours of meetings, discuss it with the kid, it has to have a feeling of stability, so it will be easier for it to reconcile to separation.