The truth about children`s crying of
Probably, is not present any child who never in the life would be filled in with a loud roar or silent crying. Children cry. This mental phenomenon, as a rule, is painfully endured by parents. Very few people can sustain a children`s grief. How to treat the child`s tears? Whether crying is a psychological trauma for the child? Or it is manipulation?
Crying happens different. It is possible to distinguish several kinds of children`s crying. There is a moaning, whims, directly crying, a roar, a hysterics. Intensity and nature of children`s crying depend on temperament of the child, his persistence, degree of need, a trauma, despair or “neglect“ of a specific problem.
Why children cry?
I first that occurs, at the child is still not enough words for expression of those experiences which overflow it. From impossibility to state, from not formation of a lexicon, with the feelings overflowing it, emotions it is also filled in with a roar. And we understand that than less child, than more often he will use crying as a communication medium. With a growing, development of emotions, intelligence and the speech he will learn to use other means for achievement of the purposes.Crying of children of the first year of life quite often replaces with
the speech and reports about
- of physiological requirement (hunger, thirst, wet panties, etc.);
- of social requirement (need for communication, desire to receive attention etc.) ;
- of pain (consequence of an illness, physical discomfort or trauma);
- exhaustion of an emotional state (was tired, wants to sleep),
- to offense (did not yield a forbidden fruit, mother did not take on hands). >
Becoming li is more senior, the child begins to use crying as the tool for achievement of the purpose. He gradually understands that if to begin to insist on the with use of this plain tool, the objectives can be achieved quicker. And here we already deal with crying - manipulation.
Having analysed all these reasons of children`s crying, we will remember that it can burst in a roar for one reason, but also in total several reasons can give similar emotional reaction.
- crying as means of achievement of the purpose;
- crying as way of removal of a psychoemotional pressure;
- crying as call for help.
Respectively, parents, teachers and relatives have to distinguish motive of each concrete children`s cry. And according to these motives strategy of parental behavior also has to be chosen.
Crying as means of achievement of the purpose and the expansion of borders permitted
in process of a growing the child faces restrictions which are imposed by adults. The reactions adults show, it is authorized to the child (a subject, action, behavior) or not.
Facing restrictions, each normal child will react to a ban. Than? Most likely, we cry which act as quite good means for achievement of the purpose.
Children are practicians. Trying to obtain the, they can experiment with the volume of sound, intensity of own crying, the text (“you do not love me“, “I will cause militia“, “mother, you bad“ etc.) existence of public, presence or absence of other family member who can influence succession of events somehow. They can begin to be up against a blank wall, to tear hair or to threaten, reaching that note after which heart parental will tremble. They constantly are in search of an effective remedy of influence by means of which it is possible to achieve the. And, by the way, are quickly trained, adopting ways of moaning, groan, whims and cries from other children.here to us the parental position is interesting to
I. So, if we allow it at once that we forbade if only did not shout, that is high degree of probability that it will consolidate this behavior model.
by means of crying he tries to obtain the. And if he received the desirable by means of crying once, then next time when you forbid something, he will surely remember the victorious experience. Besides. After single, especially reusable parental permission - retreat, next time to you, adults, it will be even more difficult to hold the ground. whether
Is crying by a trauma?
In some sense and. Certainly, during a roar the child endures a stress. And during crying, a roar, moaning, a hysterics we deal with a microtrauma.
the Child faces pain (mental or physical) as a consequence of collision with some phenomenon of reality of life: borders, bans, outstanding desires etc. It to very few people can be pleasant. But! In it is that is also the advantage. Indulging in crying, the child grieves that not all phenomena of this life are subject and available to it. And mourning it, it becomes wiser, learns to accept the world it what it is - with its laws, orders and hierarchy. The child becomes more mature.
It is quiet - neutrally - the contemplate state bears few pushes for development. Concepts about borders, rules, hierarchies, limitations of resources, an emotional, personal and intellectual maturity (and wisdom in general) do not come to the person easily. So, we begin to appreciate the person, having endured parting or having got experience of communication with other, less pleasant people; knowledge comes after long difficult intellectual exercises. The feeling of value of any phenomenon quite often arises through deprivation.
of Crying, feeling discomfort, difficulties, a stress the child gets a microtrauma. But parents can seriously aggravate a situation, having shown inconsistency when suddenly again, after a ban, allow the child something. The child already mourns narrowing of borders, accepting them. And adults crawfish, again without giving a clear picture of the world: it is possible or it is impossible? And the trauma becomes more.
If we deal with crying of the child for achievement of the purpose, then tactics of the adult has to assume sure and unambiguous (but not to fanaticism, of course!) position in relation to what we forbid. About a ban it has to be reported firmly: the mimicry, tone of a voice and the told words should not allow ambiguities. Try to keep a neutral state and the relation to the events: be not sorry and be not angry. It is possible to leave the child alone until he calms down. It is possible to help it: without leaving a neutral state to calm it, to wash, give waters. But! Do not allow the child that, from - for what he started scandal not to consolidate this behavior. Show sequence. And if changed the mind, then show humanity when he finally calms down.
Crying as a way of removal of a psychoemotional pressure
Quite often children`s crying does not pursue any aim, and testifies to an emotional overload and exhaustion. During the day at the child, as well as at any person, tension collects. And it has to find a way out.
One of ways of removal of a psychoemotional pressure - moaning, crying, a roar. Skilled mothers know that at the end of the day, before going to bed small children quite often begin to be capricious. >
it is important to p to allow to the child to cry Here. Thus, it is possible to consider moaning as a signal to end of an active phase of day. Help the child to pass into a somnolence.
Other strategy of behavior of parents in a situation when crying acts as a call for help. It can be a call for help and a cry of despair. Here we deal with events with which it is difficult for child to cope alone. The trauma, offense, injustice, violence - in these and many other similar situations is necessary to the child the help.
It is unconditional, it is necessary to help. Regret, calm, wipe slezk, stroke and caress. Help to solve a problem situation - in it your parental mission. To whom if not to you it can come for the help? Give it all support. But it is important that the child did not begin to use you as permanent “service of rescue“. Show attention to the child and out of the situations injuring his soul.
If you understood that the child begins to use actively your help and too often resorts to it, solve his problems and give support less emotionally.
Perhaps, sometimes it is necessary to give it an opportunity to solve problems independently?.