Teenager: how to become closer to it?
When the child become the teenager, it would be less desirable for it to converse with parents in an open and frank manner or to listen to tendernesses. But whether it means that the care is not necessary to it any more?
few years ago you ran home from work to manage to feed the child, to play with it, to talk, check lessons and to put to bed. Now nothing similar is required: your child eats itself and only when wishes. Does not take out when you “climb in his life“, carries out the most part of evening on the Internet and goes to sleep without your help. Your care is not necessary to it any more, and tenderness irritates. Whether it means what it is time to step aside?
- psychologists consider By no means, it is just necessary to find new ways of communication. To the teenager, also as well as to the small child, it is necessary to feel care and attention of parents. And the awkward age is the most right moment to begin forming of other, adult relations. They will become a basis for communication in the future when your kid grows up and will be independent.
you Spend time together
Happens that teenagers and parents cannot carry out together and 15 minutes without to quarreling. Cinema, the Internet, games, friends - all this is more important than you and it is much more interesting. And it means that it is necessary to look for the moments for communication.you Tell
in operating time. You hardly persuade 15 - the summer daughter to carry out a silent family dinner to the companies of parents - to her not interesting to discuss adult problems and when you try to learn something about her own life, she perceives it in bayonets. But try to talk to the daughter when you make a dinner. Ask it to help to cut, for example, vegetables for salad or to make a stuffing for pie. When it seems that the main task is a cooking, and conversation - entertainment is simple, it will be much simpler to teenager to speak with you frankly. In the same way the boy will get to talking with the father during fishing rather, digging in garage or repairing something on the house.
- Talk on the way. You with the child sit in the car not face to face, and nearby - shoulder to shoulder. And it removes certain psychological barriers too. When you look to the teenager in the face, he can uncomfortably feel, and as a result of a straight talk it will not turn out. When you watch the road, the child does not feel total control and relaxes. But also, the car is a neutral territory. If you come into the room to the child, take seat and try to have a heart-to-heart talk, it is often perceived as invasion into personal space of the teenager. In the car of it it is possible not to be afraid.
- Share the hobbies. Try to interest the child in what is pleasant to you. At first sight can seem that needlework not too will be pleasant to the girl - the teenager, but if you choose for her beautiful beads and laces, teach to do bracelets and earrings, it quite another matter. But even if the child will not like your hobby, be not upset. Anyway it is useful for teenager to know that the sphere of mother`s interests is not limited to preparation of a dinner and check of lessons. Be interested in o in what is pleasant to the child. If children play in band, come to their concerts if play sports, support them at competitions. Do not reject books which they read - by and large if at least something is read, it is already good. You watch film in which your child is interested, - so you will understand at least what problems concern him. Learn as much as possible about computer games of which he is fond. Listen to favourite music whatever strange it to you seemed. At any popular group it is possible to find one - two compositions which are pleasant to you. You will see how your child will be surprised and will be delighted to the fact that you sincerely divide his interests. be not afraid to overpraise
- . Do not forget that parental approval is necessary for teenagers not less, than to kids. It means that sometimes just it is worth observing in what the child is engaged and to praise him. He from morning to the night does not leave a board? Ask it to show achievements and with all the heart praise.
How to help the child to cope with a depression?
If the child is in a dejectedness long time, it has problems with study, in the relations with a family and friends. There is a depression which changes nature of his behavior and health. The main reason for a depression psychologists call full indifference of parents and other adults in teenage problems, family difficulties (most often problems of parents - divorce). If a depression not to treat, the situation can worsen and will interfere with the child to receive a maximum from life. There are two types of a teenage depression:
- Actually the grief called by the main depression.
- the Maniacal depression when the sharp desire of vigorous activity and commission of daredevil acts comes to change of feeling of frustration and apathy.
Remember that the deep depression at this age is most dangerous as it is the main reason for the majority of teenage suicides.
with the child
Those questions which we usually ask the teenager, most often do not cause anything, except irritation and desire to be protected. And anew to come into contact with own child, you should show the imagination.do not ask
- direct questions. “How there passed day?“ - “Normally“. On it conversation will end, you, most likely, do not receive the developed answer. Psychologists advise here what reception: that the child wanted to talk to you, he needs to be interested. How to make it? Approximately the same as you will try to draw attention of the new acquaintance at a party. Begin with the general questions of what interests the child. Comment on his answers, giving the chance to the teenager to continue the story.
- Communicate virtually. Adults can sincerely believe that there is nothing better than informal conversation when you look each other in the face, but teenagers have in this respect own opinion. And, that you were heard, it is necessary to master virtual ways of communication. Write sms, master e-mail, and also “LiveJournal“ and chats. It can quite turn out that on some subjects the child hesitates to speak, but he can write about them to you.
- Look for a right moment. Consider a daily routine of the child, his habit and a biological rhythm. For example, if your son - an owl also likes to sit up at the computer late, try not to go to bed too. And, when it will come to kitchen to be supported (and he surely will make it), you will be able not only to feed him with sandwiches, but also to have a heart-to-heart talk.
- do not draw hasty conclusions. Psychologists assure that most often teenagers refuse to make contact with parents from - for fears that they will not be understood, will condemn or will abuse. And therefore, if yours 13 - the summer daughter says that she meets someone, do not panic earlier.“ Meet“ in your representation there can to be at all not the same that is meant by your daughter. The main thing that should be realized to parents: the teenager is not a problem which requires the solution, and the person who needs that it was understood. Therefore you do not get excited and for a start find out what really happens. On the other hand, if the child tells about “accident“ which happened to him (it can be an unsuccessful hairstyle, unfortunate love or the perfidious girlfriend), do not deride him, and treat a problem with due consideration. In the future it will give to the child confidence that it is possible to ask you also more difficult questions.
- do not ask
infinite questions, otherwise the child will feel the suspect.
- do not sing along with songs to which the teenager, especially in the presence of his friends listens.
- do not imitate the child and do not show sarcasm. you do not tell
- when it is possible to listen. do not leave to
- the teenager without support when it is difficult for it.
- do not delete the teenager`s friends from plans for the weekend even if you very much just want to stay in the bosom of the family.
- do not use phone and the computer to spy on the child and to find out secrets which he is not ready to share.