To children`s shyness at parents often dual relation. On the one hand, this line in the child touches. Besides it is possible to be sure that the timid child will not throw out unexpectedly some piece. So, and it is not necessary to redden for it. And still quite often parents are distressed: what will be such constraining in adulthood where ability to part forcibly others elbows - nearly a success guarantee How to treat this line and than to help the timid son or the daughter?All timid people are similar
at each other (and children including). They have the same feelings at communication with other people: constraint, awkwardness, fear to begin or keep up the conversation. These feelings especially amplify if they get into an unexpected situation of communication, into unfamiliar society or into the big company.the Timid person is convinced by
that all attention of people around is directed only to it. And that this attention surely negative. That people around critically estimate his appearance and behavior, see all its shortcomings etc. Constraining people are much more often than others experience negative emotions - and when are in a real situation of communication and when think of it. Continuous expectation of failures, uncertainty in itself is peculiar to them.And still at different people shyness can be shown by
in different degree. From easy confusion at a meeting with strangers before full refusal of contacts. Besides, shyness is peculiar to many children during certain periods of their life. However, as well as adult. But not at all children it becomes steady line of the personality.
From where shyness undertakes?the opinion Seems to
quite plausible that this line of the personality is inherited. Surprises nobody if at constraining and unsociable parents and the child behaves approximately also.
But in a family also. And not all of them behave equally. Quite often younger child is much more relaxed and confident in communication with strangers. The explanation is quite logical: with the first child parents are constantly strained and anxious. With the advent of the second they feel much more surely, limit less and control his behavior. In addition the younger child almost constantly is in a situation of competition to the senior. That both knows, and is able more, and is stronger than it (for the time being). Here it is also necessary to adapt: to address for support and sympathy for adults, sometimes to use cunning etc.
Psychoanalysts believe that shyness is formed as a result of the mental trauma got by the child in some situation of communication.
Most likely, this line can be defined by all three factors (both heredity, and a seniority, and a mental trauma). But at the specific child some of the reasons everything is prevails.
Timid or not?
the Behaviour of some children resembles behavior timid superficially, but they those are not.
- children unsociable, but not feeling at the same time discomfort Are. They are quite self-sufficient, they do not need the help of people around.
- Happens that the aspiration to take a leader position among other children is behind timid behavior. And there are also not enough suitable qualities for this purpose so far. Having met problems, such child can refuse contacts (“To me it is not necessary, uninteresting“).
- At some children refusal of communication is means of self-affirmation, aspiration to show the power over others. “I want - I talk, I will not want - I will not be!“ It is clear, that in that case it is necessary not to help the child to come into contact and to relieve it of arrogance and a capriciousness.
- of Difficulty in communication can be caused by insufficient development in the child of the speech, thinking; it is difficult for it to get acquainted, keep up the conversation, etc.
the special occupations aimed and at the development of the speech, and on training in skills of communication Will help.
What parents for shyness prevention can make?
- to be anxious Less concerning possible troubles and misfortunes. Quite often the concern for the child forces parents to control each his step. It constantly is in an environment of adults, has no experience of the choice and independent establishing contacts.
- to Try to adjust the child on success in big and small affairs. Not to emphasize constantly its weakness or inability (“You are still small“, “At you it will not turn out“).
- U it. Parents constantly shame, are too anxious that will tell people around about behavior of the child. It is not surprising that it and in adulthood will excessively depend on these estimates.
- Of course, to the child it is necessary to see that his relatives derive pleasure from communication both with him, and with other people. It is more than contacts with children and adults of different age, in different situations - the best prevention of shyness. It can be the general holidays, sport, tourism, drama school and many other things. If nevertheless the child grows at
- do not state it the alarm concerning this line and the more so do not reproach the child. Do not hold up as an example other children. Do not promise it various difficulties from - for shyness in the future. do not mark out to
- shyness as the main line of the child. Emphasize its strengths in talk with it and with other people better. For example, sensitivity, ability to understand feelings of others, restraint, care etc.
- In a situation of obvious refusal of the general conversation or game you do not shame and do not force. Just try to describe its feelings at present: “It seems that you do not want to play now (to talk, run etc.) “.
- Try to show activity in communication. Induce the child of the house to talk more. Be near to
- when around there are a lot of strangers. Do not force the son or the daughter to get into situations, unpleasant for them. But it is clear what does not follow and it is excessive to sponsor the child. Provide to
- at choice various occupations. Having noticed success of the child in some business, prompt as he can use the new knowledge or abilities in communication with other children. Quite often timid child considers himself uninteresting for other people. Tell
- to teachers or tutors about features of the child in contacts with other children and about his strengths. Ask to give it the chance to show the abilities and abilities. If in life of the child big changes are coming
- , help it to adapt with the smallest losses to a new situation and people. For example, visit with it new school or a class in advance, acquaint with teachers and children. Lose with it possible situations - that he can see, hear what to answer.
- Share own experience with the son or the daughter. Many people in the life got into difficult situations of communication and, nevertheless, found a way out. Convince that people around are not occupied at all only by his person, and are much more anxious with own affairs.
- the Best means to think is less about problems and difficulties - to help another. It is important to change a sign of continuous experiences of the timid child with negative to positive. Communication with canine friends will help. It is not excluded that daily walks with the pet will expand a circle of pleasant acquaintances - for example, with other owners of dogs.