That the nurse did not become mother of
Probably, all know a name of the nurse of Pushkin, but almost the name of his mother is familiar to nobody. To what we tell it? To the fact that presence of very skilled, very reliable nurse, grandmothers or aunts does not remove from parents of educational problems.It seems to
, all this is known and understood - but only in words. At the same time it is very imperceptible, slowly “shift“ the most unpleasant (or the most labor-consuming) tasks to the nurse`s shoulders (or to some very responsible relative). And as a result in provided families often happens so that the own child considers the nurse, calls it when at night terribly. And sometimes even calls mother.
A the busied mothers just with horror think of that hour when they go to holiday together with the beloved kid. And fathers remain late at work that it was only not necessary to read five fairy tales in a row. So to make to avoid “Arina Rodionovna`s effect“, choosing the kid nurse?
the Nurse - the person the employed, its earnings depends on mood of the kid and parents. She is not irritated when the child is capricious, it consoles him. In her behavior there are no sharp rises of delight when the baby is squeezed, throw up under a ceiling contrary to his desire, and apathy attacks when it is necessary to shout half an hour that you were noticed. The nurse will not rush about at the nights with experiences - in what garden of a message of the kid, will not become strong to be irritated from the fact that her three-year-old does not know by heart the poem. And here mother will not sleep, become angry or sob nights over the broken illusions. Therefore to the baby with the nurse is quieter. Her behavior is predictable! And is that the kid needs most of all - stability of habits, mood and behavior. It gives confidence that it will be protected, and fed. In small weak heads there is a confidence that it is possible to rely on the one who is reliable and clear (by the way, try to prove to us that adults are on friendly terms with unreliable and unclear and trust them).Than the child is younger than
, the more time it is on care of the nurse, the quicker she becomes for it the most loved and reliable one!
the Nurse always nearby whatever it happened. She will feed, will play, will console, will read the book, will banish a dog, will return the toy which is selected by the friend... The child gradually begins to correlate feeling of safety to the nurse.
besides, to it it is necessary to be guided also by a nyanina an assessment of all the actions. And this assessment can not always coincide with an assessment of parents. The nurse - the person with the identity, with the social standards, with own education level and education. The child can get to a trap of double standards. > to the Parents employing the nurse it is important to p to remember
that their responsibility for the child increases: not only that all of them - will continue to control the child (nobody took away parental functions from them), so they are forced to control still now actions of the adult on whom life and health of the little person depend.
However it is almost impossible to check work of the nurse which sits the whole day with the kid one. Very much its often main task is reduced to observance of a day regimen - in time to feed, take a walk, put to bed. And all. It is quite often possible to see how the woman silently conducts the kid on walk, puts him in a sandbox and watches that he far did not escape. She is responsible only for physical wellbeing of the child, and as for games, communication, stories, joint occupations, it does not belong to its duties. Besides, occupations of this sort and communication demand big physical and sincere expenses for which nothing is paid. And here the child with such silent nurse which is honestly performing the work sits day by day and does nothing, so, “grows dull“. At the same time externally such situation seems for all (including for the child) normal and unique. When everyday joint life with the child becomes work and a duty, it is left by real-life communication, interest, creativity, emotional intensity - the word, everything that can cause a response in soul of the kid and his aspiration to prove.the Emotional connection with the nurse can lead
to sad results too. Sometimes the woman who is looking after the small child seeks to attach him to herself (that at desire very just to make). The kid falls in love with the nurse, the whole day sits at it on hands, embraces, kisses it and nothing can just do without it soon: only with it he can eat, sleep, live. Nobody else is not necessary to it any more. At first sight the picture looks idyllic. “As it was lucky with the nurse!“ - acquaintances admire, and parents willingly agree. The nurse, feeling favourite and necessary, seeks to support and strengthen such attachment of the kid. >
But soon it is found out p that the child grows extremely dependent, whimsical, infantile, it completely depends on presence and mood of the nurse. The kid prefers it to the mother, demands that the nurse fed him, carried on hands, fell asleep with him, etc. All this, naturally, complicates the child`s relations with parents, mother feels that she literally loses it. Situation becomes desperate. Separation from such favourite nurse of course bears a big psychological trauma for the kid, and continuation of joint life more and more infantilizirut it and slows down further development. The matter is that education of independence, own activity and amateur performance of the child is not included into tasks of the hired worker at all. Its task - to be fixed in a family, and the child (unconsciously for her) becomes means of preservation of the workplace.Surely find out
from the nurse to what principles of education she adheres. Tell it as it is possible in more detail what and as you demand from the child and that you want to receive as a result. Strictly control a situation, especially at first. As if you were tired, find time quietly, without haste to talk to the son or the daughter about that, there passed day that they with the nurse did, than were engaged on walk etc. Surely praise the child for the cleaned toys, good behavior, the learned rhyme.
If something not as it should be, define the position, but not about the nurse or the child, and about a situation: “You very much upset me!“, “I hoped for you“, “I thought, you already big and will not do such nonsenses!“
Pay attention to behavior of the child when there is no nurse nearby. If he is as usual quiet and obedient, adequately reacts to your requests and requirements, is not capricious - everything is all right. If he explains the unusual acts with words: “And the nurse resolved...“ is a reason for conversation. And maybe it is worse! Once you can hear: “You are bad, angry! And the nurse kind, it allows everything to me!“ It precisely a reason for parting with your “assistant“!
Of course, the skilled nurse in the professional plan will not allow such situation. She will never tell: “I will tell mother as you behaved, let she will punish you!“ Fear of punishment and especially punishment expectation - a heartrending experience for the small child. The skilled tutor (and the nurse needs to be first of all the tutor!) will suggest the child to make necessary work to please mother: “Let`s clean toys (we will eat all dinner, we will draw the picture), mother will come and will tell:“ What you well done! Yes you at me absolutely big! As you fine cleaned everything!“the Skilled professional nurse has to be able to connect by
each emotional moment in life of the child with parents: we will tell mother with the father, we will show, we will sing, we will draw, we will help. Only this way you will achieve that in the child`s life each adult will take own place.
Under no circumstances the nurse has no right to substitute mother. Of course, to regret the kid if he hit, to take on hands, to calm if it was frightened, it is just necessary. At a meeting and parting not to do without embraces and kisses too. Without admissible tactile contact not to achieve emotional proximity with the small child. It is important not to overstep the bound between the benevolent relation and a baby talk, quiet caress and a zatiskivaniye. Therefore the best nurses - the women who grew up the children, having experience in communication with them and well imagining consequences of the actions. Besides it will be simpler to child to divide two images in the consciousness: mothers and women are more senior - nurses.
I last council. If, despite all recommendations, appearance and confidence, the nurse to you or the child actively is not pleasant, look for somebody another. Believe, you will never be happy with work not nice to you the person.