How to speak with the child about sad events?
When in a family someone is seriously sick or dies, the child by all means feels that there is something considerable and terrible. How to speak with the child about sad events?
From three to six. Children begin to think of death very much early - they see dead birds, insects, small animals; they see death almost daily on the TV. And long before sad events come to the house, they know or guess them.
However years to five - six children perceive death as something temporary, reversible. And many tales of wonderful revivals (“Sleeping Beauty“, “Snow White and seven gnomes“, “Tale of the dead tsarevna...“ ) strengthen in them these remarkable beliefs.If you tell
with the small child, tell about death, as about something natural (it, in fact, also is that), as about lack of usual vital manifestations. For example, when the cat dies, she does not run any more, is not scratched, does not mew. It is possible to tell that, dying, all live makes thus room on the earth for the next generations.Petin`s
the cat dropped out of a window and died. Petya was told: “You know, Manyasha left us“. Petya long asked where it left when returns where it now. “Manyasha left forever, Manyasha will not return any more“, - adults answered. After a while Petya it seems got used that there is no cat any more. But soon he began to be anxious outright when mother left.“ Mother, do not leave! Mother, I want with you“, - Petya cried, hardly mother was going to leave.
Psychologists warn against expressions “eternal rest“, “leaving“ in conversation on death. Children quite often generalize values of these words, transfer them to everyday life and begin to be afraid to go to bed, fall asleep alone, to be afraid that mother will leave and will not return.
Should avoid type explanations:“ she died because long was ill “or“ he died because was very old“. The first answer can lodge in the child fear of any cold. It is important to explain that only very serious illness can be a cause of death.
the Explanation that only old people die, is no good too. Having faced death somebody at young age, the child can again begin to worry.
Six - nine years. Becoming is more senior, children gradually realize that everything living sooner or later is irreversible dies. However long enough, years to nine - ten, they believe that him as - nibud the remarkable way will be possible to think up as to avoid it.
Eight-year-old the Subject uneasy came from school: he learned that at Ania, his schoolmate, mother died. The whole day he asked the nurse, “why people die“, “where put people when they die“. When mother came, he met her by a question:“ Mother, and when you die?“ At this age children begin to realize that the death can concern their relatives.Should showing
that you understand feelings of the child and to assure him:“ I am going to live long, in any case, so much how many I will be necessary to you“.
Teenagers. At this age children look for answers to questions of death already in other spheres. Many are dug in in books, infinitely talk with each other, try to develop a philosophical view of a matter of life and death. For some companies such talk turns into a peculiar “philosophical chewing gum“ in which adults do not see special sense. But it - not waste of time: so teenagers cope with own fears. >
For the grown-up children it is very important to p not to lose contact with the adult and to continue to talk on “terrible“ subjects. Of course, this talk will not be easy and pleasant. And, most likely, you will feel more than once that you do not know what to tell. But, coming back to this subject over and over again, you by all means will be able to tell to the child what you trust in. And, the most important, you will be able to let to it know that it is not lonely in it “a labyrinth of damned questions“.
of the Summary:
- you do not leave from difficult children`s questions even if they frighten you. Try to find short and simple answers to questions which are asked by the child. If you do not feel
- ready at present to speak on a difficult subject, postpone conversation, but return to it soon. As if it was difficult
- , do not dramatize an event. Often children are frightened by rough reactions of adults. whether
- to Visit to the child of dying, to be present at a funeral or not - it is always necessary to solve separately. If you consider that the child has to participate, prepare him for what he will see. And by all means be near it.