The ideal Family system
is similar to a human body - in it too everything is interconnected and is interdependent. Failure in work of one body also always leads to violation in others. These changes also influence the general state, mood and health. And it is necessary to correct a situation also - to treat, the psychologist Svetlana Iyevleva claims.As does not have
the one and only tablet at once rescuing the person from a disease so there is also no magic action or the word which could cope easily and quickly with a family problem. Even if you decide to address professionals and will find all most famous psychotherapists and psychologists in the city, the miracle does not happen. In most cases a lot of things will depend on as far as you are ready to change the behavior, the way of life and the principles of interaction with other people. The person asking the question “Tell What Specifically I Need to Make?“ as a rule, does not want to do anything, and the purpose of its address to family experts - or to shift to them responsibility for a problem (“I addressed you, but you did not help me“), or to find to itself a justification in the opinion of other family members (“You see, I use all means, all opportunities, even to psychologists I go that it was better for all of us, but nothing helps“), or just to cause pity and sympathy. Exactly thanks to such installations there is also a public opinion that it is impossible to solve family problems in principle.
. And for the specific person (each of us is unique and unique), and for a family where it is several such unique persons. Though purely externally differences can be and imperceptible, it is obvious that two identical families do not happen, and, so each problem will have the special lines too. It should be considered, listening to friends and relatives at whom “everything was well just one in one“. Their councils for improvement of the relations in a family and achievement of the most different purposes can be for you very useful - and can not be. And the probability that the result will turn out opposite to what was expected exists too. “All know that separation strengthens feelings“, - your girlfriend says and advises to leave the husband at least for the period of holiday. In her family after such experiment everything became much better: “the husband missed, began to appreciate more it, to spend time with all family more often, to take care of children etc.“
What guarantees that in your family hardly of parting there will come the same idyll? Any. Character of your husband and your own, features of your relationship, a situation which you consider adverse and also a current of events during your departure (both for you, and for the husband) - all this will be other, than at the girlfriend. The individual approach concerns also problems of education of children, the relation to financial questions, sexual harmony, interaction with the senior relatives, family crises... Though, of course, in treatment of family “diseases“ there are also general principles.
- Syndrome of chronic fatigue.
this phenomenon is widely known Now, and its symptoms any more seem to nobody simulation. The person is objectively healthy, but feels absolutely flat-out - cannot enjoy life, any efforts tire, and people around begin to irritate. The family suffers recently from similar frustration even more often too. Fatigue from each other, lack of joint interests and what it is possible to call “small family pleasures“ reduction of time for communication in the bosom of the family, on joint activity - such manifestations meet in 1 - 2 years of family life and eventually only progress irrespective of existence and the number of children.
of the Reason - an urbanization, technical progress, growth of material independence of each certain person, aspiration of both men, and women to professional achievements. All this in itself is remarkable, but has also a reverse side. All interests of the person are displaced towards work and career, not only work, but also rest will be organized there - and the family exists by the residual principle and remains just the place where the person comes from time to time. Also it is impossible to tell that people - both to adults, and children - lack attention. It appears - via phone, the Internet, gifts and short, but fascinating, travel. The speech goes rather about a lack of warmth and attachment when everyone understands that, in principle, it can spend also remarkably time and with any other person and even alone. Feelings of a community, relationship, the real proximity such relations are deprived, and it is threat not only stability of a family, but also to health of each person in it. Without such support we are deprived of feeling of safety, rest and are very vulnerable before negative influences of the environment.
the Only thing that each person is able to do, - consciously to keep the relations, to work on them (though, of course, it will be very pleasant work). You enter into the usual vital schedule some trifles which would be unexpected for the partner, children and would show your desire to give them joy. New prompt on the computer with a declaration of love, a rhyme of own composition or the offer to meet in a break - such simple acts are capable to create a positive spirit for a long time. And for the child whom you among a week suddenly will take away from a garden to a dream this day will be in general unforgettable! And still: find some hobby besides work. It rescues from stresses and a syndrome of chronic fatigue both the certain person, and all family.
- Functional family frustration. there is no
anything terrible that from time to time in a family there are disagreements. Education of children, material expenses, ways of pastime - on everything at you can be the different points of view. It is worse if on separate points you find irreconcilability of interests and you cannot find a consent at all, it is even worse - if it causes quarrels or the long conflicts. And it is absolutely bad when the only problem which arose in the only area of the relations begins to get into all others, changing for the worse all life of a family. And it occurs very often - and is sometimes perfect against our will.
ofSmall pleasures can work wonders in family life.Decided to quarrel, for example, concerning that, to train the child in swimming since three years or is not necessary (though even the word was “solved“ does not approach quarrels - they and begin - that in itself). In the course of discussion someone referred to opinion of the mother and mentioned that it (does not matter that) she did only out of care of children. It caused a sharp protest and offense in other party as was the obvious or hidden comparison, and led to the indication of mistakes of the opponent and his mother. The mutual offense led to silence lasting several hours that, in turn, worsened the general mood and significantly affected quality of a night dream (parents went to bed separately, and the child confused by quarrel all night long called in turn one, another). And further... Can be anything further, - depending on character of the relations, relevance of a subject and how much in the heat of anger it was told.
Happens that quarrel on an insignificant question not only prevents separate family functions, but also leads to disintegration of the relations. Offensively - especially if nobody and to remember an initial subject - that cannot... It is worth learning to limit quarrels to a framework - both in time, and in space. It is difficult for men who perceive family quarrels hard, but is quite feasible for the women capable owing to features of nervous system to change the behavior and mood is very fast. Costs to them, having forgotten for a while about gender equality and a problem “Why I have always to?“ to begin to be reconciled. It does not mean at all that it is necessary to change opinion on a question - especially if it is very important for you. It is about restoration of peace. It seems to you that this manifestation of weakness, unscrupulousness and deprives of you respect? Absolutely on the contrary.
- Hidden problems.
the Doctor advising the patient with a headache can initially assume not one ten possible reasons, and only comprehensive inspection will allow to decide on the true diagnosis. Family problems are not always obvious too, and search of truth is not simply difficult, and sometimes is even impossible. People can not realize true motives of the acts and if realize, then can hide them - even from themselves.
ofFamily problems often have the deep prime causes: it is hard to find them, but it is necessary to try.the Woman gave birth to the child at insistent desire of the husband - the military who was more senior than her and already reached a certain professional status. She only began career of the actress, but was forced to leave everything and several years lived in the remote Siberian town, being engaged exclusively in a family. In ten years of an opportunity are missed. Also it is guilty of it... the husband who did not want to wait with the child and did not give in due time the chance to work. Her “revenge“ consisted in a new way of life which it wanted to prove the independence and a demand. The new acquaintances, hobbies, trips which are not assuming presence of a family and children - all this led to divorce. Who in such situation of the rights, and who - is guilty, it is impossible to understand. In the family relations of absolute truth is not present - we watch at a situation everyone from the position! But it not the main thing - is important only the fact that claims, outlooks on life and aspirations of two people always have to be discussed. Ideally - in process of their emergence, but if it did not turn out, then it is possible later. The main thing that they did not become that the latent illness which spoils life.
- Family injuries. Nobody is insured by
from troubles - neither people, nor families. Insignificant strokes of bad luck cause unpleasant feelings, strong - an acute pain which can become dull then, but remain still very long. To tell how these or those troubles long affect a family, it is impossible. Each person reacts to all events in own way. It will be influenced by a huge number of factors. So, for example, the child with congenital problems from health can be perceived as punishment and as a constant source of family problems. And can - as just the child who, requiring special attention to the problems, all the same remains for a family a source of pleasure and pleasure. One of the most frequent family injuries which objectively the tragedy is not, but is perceived, nevertheless, very sharply, - change. It is considered to be that women - men of a poligamna suffer from it more often, and their aspiration to possession of many women is well-known. Actually it not absolutely so.
In - the first because in the relation to family life noticeable rapprochement of floors is observed now. Changes of women lag behind changes in numerical indicators absolutely not much more - and this with the fact that women in polls are inclined to hide such situations.
In - the second even if women also face changes more often, then it is possible to call it the word “suffer“ only in emotional sense, and at a fine half is opportunities in order that relatively without serious consequences to endure such situation. At men it is not accepted to discuss this subject with friends, and it is even heavier to admit the fact of possible change to the man. The self-assessment decreases, the probability of depressions, accidents increases, it is warm - vascular diseases and frustration of the sexual sphere - while for women change of the husband often turns into personal growth and achievements in the most different spheres of life. But question “The Worse?“ it is irrelevant. To correct a situation, to improve the relations - here that is necessary. The sparing mode in which there is a place to special attention, and derivation from pain. Not to do without quarrels, but, perhaps, you should not be let in memoirs once again.
- of the Problem, demanding surgical intervention.
ofshould not postpone Adoption of cardinal decisions for long term: the later, the it is more difficult to accept them.Not everything will respond to therapeutic treatment, and radical, drastic measures sometimes are required. They are often tried to be delayed, hoping that, maybe, all as - nibud will be solved by itself. Sometimes such delay is justified, but sometimes it leads only to additional experiences and pain - by whatever good motives you were guided. If you, seeing experiences of the mother-in-law, agree to live with her together, it is very good. You are capable to sympathize, posoperezhivat and help.“ She remains absolutely alone, special has no occupations, devoted all life to the son, it is a pity for her“, - you think and include the mother-in-law in the family, surround with the affairs and children. You allow it to get used to all this, to feel again necessary and active, and then - you leave. And it is much more sick - many women at advanced age endure leaving of children as the most present tragedy.
- at stains when parents try to play for time from - for children. All pretend that the relations remarkable, show active attention to each other - but such situation disorients children who are capable to feel a family situation from within.
Of course, any diseases it is easier to prevent, than to treat. And though in relation to a family to develop ozdorovitelno - the preventive program very difficult, it is worth paying attention to those who feel perfectly 5, 10, 15 and more years of joint life later. What is done by them? Yes anything special. Just think of the family positively and optimistically - and consider themselves it by part whatever occurred. It is worth looking for own recipes. Health substantially all the same depends on us - both personal, and health of our family.