Female crisis of middle age
When the woman marries, it seems to her that with this man it will be happy all life. But one fine day she will wake up with thought that her dream was very far from reality.it awakes with
On Saturday me at 8 in the morning and begins to grumble that the wife of his friend on days off brings a breakfast in bed. My God, it though would clean teeth before opening the mouth. From - for it I did not sleep again - snored so that at me stuffed up ears. It, you see needs a breakfast! In 16 years of joint life he did not understand that to 10 o`clock in the morning in the day off I in general cannot be touched. Yesterday he drank beer with friends till midnight, and I had to wash up behind them the mountain of ware... When he indignantly asks: “What means “you did not wash for yourself the dishes“? Unless this man`s business?“ - I choke with indignation. That is the fact that the last three years I earn twice more, than it, does not touch its man`s advantage in any way... Each time it is more difficult to me to constrain itself, I on the verge...the Bitter truth as in a registry office I told “yes“, and finishing
Since that moment in the afternoon, I ask myself the same question: “What I with you do here?!“
Around external wellbeing of our marriage the shy temptation always soars to file for divorce. Understand me correctly. You should not feel sorry for me. After 192 months of joint life we with the husband nevertheless remain a strong married couple that there occurred. Kirill is not such bad person as could seem. He is just ordinary man with the strangenesses and shortcomings. It leaves the boots in the middle of the room, switches the TV to soccer while I watch the favourite movie. He can examine all evening impudent cut on a jacket of the wife of the brother, but my new dress will remain unnoticed. With it I feel lonely...
Such thoughts visit almost each woman. Almost I which is eager for freedom and romanticism live in each of us internal secret, dreams of passionate kisses, of life without dirty frying pans, the scattered socks and check of homeworks for mathematics. But in our patriarchal world which conferred responsibility for preservation of a family on brittle female shoulders nobody does not care before, as at women there comes the period of rage and despair. That they have a crisis of middle age too.the patience Price
our mothers were cleverer than
, they did not think of it and definitely did not speak about it aloud. They slowly waited when their children grow up, and silently suffered all offenses. In thirty years they were already adult aunts in old-fashioned dresses from regional department store and with a chemical wave on the head, by forty years became ancient minerals without hope for the future. But we in our XXI century with its opportunities to prolong youth feel much more surely.“ To women - berries“ for a long time for 45. Even 50 - 60 - summer ladies to themselves are quite attractive, without speaking about those who have some for 30. In each of us “I“ which is eager for freedom and dreams of life without dirty frying pans live secret. our mothers were much more tolerant than
in marriage. They were afraid of loneliness and a public censure. Eventually they had no place to go. We have a work and the tolerable income now. All of us want to stay alone with by itself more often, to love ourselves. The heroine of our time dreams to live for herself! She learned to think more widely and better to live - the success was its purpose since the birth. And here result - modern marriages are unstable. More than a half of marriages breaks up at the initiative of women today.
One my friend compared prospect of leaving from the husband to a situation when she wanted to transfer the child to other school: the existing school was not pleasant to it, but transfer to another meant decent paperwork, besides, she was not sure: and suddenly the new school will not accept her child? Women do not see divorced the big personal tragedy any more! Yes, it is routine, unpleasant process, but quite to itself tolerable - as change of school.Modern marriage is very fragile
. We do not want to live in marriage without love, we are quickly irritated, we lack patience. We are not even concerned by a notorious “glass of water“ which could not be given in old age, - our men simply - naprosto do not live up to it. Consoles only the fact that the vast majority of women still believe in need of marriage, as well as that if there is the slightest chance to rescue it, they need to use. For this purpose it is worth recognizing that marriage is not romantic dance at a moonlight. These joint venture. And with what bigger readiness we realize a common advantage of our marriage, the more patiently we will accept this reality. The quicker we will understand that marriage is including self-knowledge, accumulation of life experience. Self-improvement if you want! The husband`s shortcomings directly depend on our own - intolerance, egoism, jealousy, laziness. Our own complexes, fears and weaknesses are visible clearly, so, give us chance to become better. Perhaps, then there will be less disappointments.Eventually everything is reduced by
to your choice. Here only to have the choice is a cornerstone.“ To think of divorce is how to live in Moscow, with all this abundance of the museums, theaters, cultural centers, - one my friend, the doctor by profession says. - You can never visit all sights, but for some reasons understanding of this opportunity lightens you mood. The main thing - to understand what you, actually, want and not to hurry with the decision“.
Crisis of middle age at men
Crisis of middle age is endured by each man. Here you will find the most typical situations and ways of the solution of problems. “Help
- ! My husband sank into dotage!“
my spouse comes home in excellent mood recently and shows me the check. He bought the motorcycle! Now he says that it has a new life and it is happy. And I only am angry: why we cannot be interested in something together?
Council of the psychologist. During this period men have a hormonal reorganization, in accuracy such, as in youth. Everyone sometimes feels like the child, besides men can always buy to themselves different “toys“. It is easier for that who has sons to understand it, but it is all the same difficult to reconcile to it. It becomes insufferably offensive for you when it spends a lot of money for the whims instead of organizing leisure of two for you. You will begin to be afraid that he began “to try to look younger“ that it has someone. What to do? As soon as you feel that you cannot suffer its boyish tricks any more, talk to it, tell about the experiences (but do not turn into mummy, men of it do not take out).
Try to be indulgent - allow it to enjoy the childhood one more time. He did not cease to love more you, just it is terrible to it to admit that a half of life is lived, and it seems to it that the best behind. Not all his dreams are realized, and it is very difficult for it to reconcile to it therefore he will try to compensate the missed opportunities by the most available methods. Believe that purchase of boyish toys - not the most terrible for your marriage. The man more women are afraid of an old age, it is connected with their fears to lose most important (in their understanding) man`s function so try to understand him. That it was not too offensive for you, try to put yourself on its place and prolong youth together with it. Tell yourself:“ When I was a teenager, could not buy everything that I wanted. So why not to execute the dream now when there are money and independence?“ Follow its example, for certain you had a dream in youth which could not be carried out, maybe, time came? Register in dances, buy some bright dress or be painted red color!
- We execute a conjugal duty, but we do not make love. Sex turned into something obligatory, we do it on a habit because it is necessary “for health“, but not because we want. It does not suit me at all, I want romanticism.
Council of the psychologist. It is quite delicate question. Experts unanimously claim that happy marriage without regular sex does not happen. But the vast majority of married couples with an experience have sex two - three times a month. Frequent and even high-quality sex does not give any guarantees of family idyll. Many men admitted that they had with wives sex better and more often when had mistresses. So what do you do not hurry with conclusions. The trust, similarity of views, understanding, honesty is much more important for spouses. But, if you lack sex, and you feel unfortunate, surely talk to the husband. Sex, certainly, - very important part of matrimonial life. Just do not forget that in any marriage there are periods of physical alienation. It absolutely normally at all does not say that you do not love each other any more. Most likely, you just were tired, you need rest. Instead of thinking of incorrectness of the husband, try to change somehow the vital rhythm, to have a rest more.
If you want to receive more love and attention, then and it is necessary to give as much. Men begin to think of it with age more often as they are afraid of age problems. Do to the husband compliments, let him feel desired. Embrace more often, you speak pleasant each other. Here you will see, it is worth beginning, it is simple. If do not pay sufficient attention to you, do not speak about what you beautiful, and you will be cold with this person. Many women are afraid to tell the husbands that they want a little tenderness and heat, and to men, in turn, it is difficult to guess desires of the woman. Decide, conversation is a first step to proximity.
to understand what can threaten your marriage, ask yourself questions:
- you Go to bed together? If one of you does not hurry to divide a matrimonial bed, it can alienate gradually you from each other. Try to understand why it occurs and to change the rhythm to life. whether
- you more independent of the husband Become
? There is nothing bad that you have own interests. The problem arises when they force out common interests and take away too much time. Try to observe balance and do not forget that your husband and your family need constant attention to care.
- Who is more important than
for you - children or the husband? Very often children become meaning of life for the woman, she worries about them more, than about the husband, forgetting that children will very quickly grow up, and she will live together with the husband. whether
- you Repeat the same mistakes? You quarrel from - for same things? From - for that, for example, what one of you forgets to close a cover sunflower oil? You are irritated not by(with) it, truly? For you it is just a pity that another does not pay attention to your requests. Next time wait for an opportunity also explain what concerns you. whether
- Is at you an extramarital affair? It does not mean that you fool around, just you think of someone, other man became interesting to you. If you pay it attention, spend with it time, write it CMC, it already strongly harms your family relations.