Bases of the theory of confirmations of
by the Author of the theory of confirmations not I am, and my daughter. However it not the prose writer, but the poet (that is writes verses) and therefore asked me to describe its theory.
It is known that quantity new in the world the beginning promptly to decrease since the time of Platon, and presently chances to think up something considerably new in general approach zero...
I of subjects me less described below theory seems to me rather interesting. Terms which it enters in a new foreshortening describe subtleties of human relations and, having like them, involuntarily begin to see and understand what did not notice earlier and as a result.
Confirmation is when say what wants to be heard.
Any laudatory phrase like “you at me the best“, “I appreciate your achievements in this area“ etc. can become confirmation if to it carries to mention certain strings in soul of the one to whom it is intended and can remain unnoticed and useless.
In these strings the essence also consists. This essence has a little something in common with the theory of five languages of love. As a matter of fact, G. Chapman captured a much bigger range of ways of expression of feelings of the person to the person while the theory of confirmations is limited only to verbal communication.
Can give a set of examples of the successful confirmations told in the most different situations - from exclamations like “of what you clever“ or “you remarkably look“ to difficult statements like “what is pleasant to me at this school, so it is large volume of the academic knowledge which is given here“ (later the visitor the expert will privately share the impressions how large volume of the academic knowledge which is not confirmed with practice is useless. However the objectives are achieved - the hospitable principal received deserved “stroking“).
So, confirmations are the positive statements mentioning some strings in soul. They have the real force and can cause considerable events. Can bring the person out of a depression or inspire him on creative achievements. Give confidence in correctness of the choice of a course of life. I will risk to assume that many cases of rescue from suicides, wonderful treatment, and also addresses of the person to this or that belief, school, a technique are caused correctly (in due time, in the right place and in the necessary form) by the pronounced words.the easiest way to tell
good confirmation - to list personal merits of the person in some important issue, it is desirable having mentioned contrary to what they were made. In general, big degree of a specification gives more chances to tell confirmation of the best quality. The generalized statement like “you of course never are a good fellow“ to nobody yet damaged, but if not to be too lazy to mention at the same time still any details and the facts, (and it is desirable to call those details and the facts of which the person himself is proud), then the person will like to you gratitude and will leave you inspired. Mutual benefit and increase in amount of good in the world are available.
Along with confirmations anti-confirmations have not smaller force.They can drive
the person in a depression, push him to a disease of flu (flu is at best), to feed his neurosis and uneasiness or just capitally to impair a little to it mood.
the Example of the guaranteed lethal anti-confirmation is comparison of object (with a minus sign, of course) with peers, employees or neighbors. One more trouble-free way is to scarify that to this person it is especially expensive. For example, it is possible to call his favourite hobbies wrong or harmful. Anti-confirmations often are phrases ominous. Phrases uncertain happen ominous phrases often.we Will tell
, terrible shouts for privalenny stuff a door of the teenage room “again you did not clean the things!“ will not cause any emotions in the dirty and unkempt teenage head. It is the phrase concrete, certain and not so ominous. However the skilled parent, having slightly thought, can alter a form of svy arrival and address the half within audibility of the room of the child:“ Listen, but whether not to take away to us from it this room? It is better to make a workshop there. It seems to me that its development is harmed by existence of the certain room“.can just upset with Antipodtverzhdeniya`s
the person, and can cause quite powerful consequences - not only harmful, but also, attention, useful.
we Will return to the teenager who is sadly sitting in the middle of the disorder. It in a flash lost all vital reference points. On the one hand, he worries, suddenly and the truth will take away the room from him. With another, he thinks, and can really, better it would be taken away to hell, then it will not be necessary to clean it constantly. Besides he is seriously concerned about the word “harmfully“, does not understand what negative consequences it can entail and is already slightly anxious with a condition of the health. This cognitive dissonance brings it into full despondency and does not promote the timely beginning of lessons at all.
the Future of not brushed teenager depends on difficult set of factors - how in general parents as how many once a day they say to it what is told and done by other people besides parents, and also from an arrangement of planets and other difficulties treat it. However directly after the overheard parental phrase before it two main wide roads lie: 1) to become angry and clean the room and 2) to become angry and create a bigger disorder in the room. In other words, those who survive live long, or “what does not kill us, does us stronger“.
the Nutrient medium for sensitivity to confirmations and anti-confirmations is uncertainty in itself. The phenomenon which is often found in the most different age categories and is even more frequent - at the mentioned teenagers, and also children of all age. It is clear, that the happy, successful, self-assured and self-sufficient person (an infrequent copy in the modern world) does not feel special need for the first and does not suffer from the second.
Most of people, fortunately, have some vital basis, those advantages of which they are sure and concerning which are quiet. When people around once again praise for achievements in study of the round excellent student and chronic winner of the Olympic Games, to him, perhaps, pleasantly, but it is no more pleasant, than receiving pleasure from empty calories. He will be able to test true happiness from absolutely unexpected phrase. The statement about internal optimism or positive influence of his hobby can appear this phrase, for example. Similarly, if someone doubts good marks of the mentioned excellent student, then to him, most likely, will be laziness even diary to show to the ignorant interlocutor. But if someone accidentally calls it, say, the pessimist, or will tell that he does not share his hobby, then the poor excellent student will long not sleep at night and to mentally prove to the trodden on corns interlocutor as that was not right.
At some moments the choice what to tell the person - confirmation or anti-confirmation - is especially fatal. When the person approaches you with the burning eyes and with inspiration shares with you some great opening or intimate reflections, for a second stop before answering. If there is a wish to answer something cooling or critically - skeptical, then, perhaps, the best choice it will be simple to keep silent. If great business - the plan is fated to fail, then it will fail also without your help, but if it has chances of success, then the negative assessment (i.e. anti-confirmation) can deprive of it these chances.the Idea to say to the person what it will be pleasant to it to hear, and not to say scurrilous things sometimes seems to
too banal that in general once again to mention it. Especially indecent it began to seem after issue of the book of Carnegie. At the same time millions of parents and teachers make daily this mistake - forget to speak to the children of confirmation and tell too many anti-confirmations. However we will not rush to extremes. Just as difficulties temper character, and punishments are inevitable at education, anti-confirmations too sometimes are useful. Unfortunately, the side between possible advantage, harm and even danger is very thin, and the technique the express - testings ready to escape from phrase lips on environmental friendliness just waits for the creator. For now in the most available way not to harm the neighbor there is, in my opinion, a love and genuine interest - to the interlocutor, to themselves, to the world.