The entrance is prohibited to
Till its birth you prepared, arranged and decorated its room that your little spoiled child felt in it comfortably. It is the model room, beautiful and … faultless: toys and clothes of either a mote, or crumbs from cookies on a carpet. Roll anywhere anywhere in some way it remained in your maintaining - an arrangement and an order of things in it met your expectations and requirements. But here the kid will grow up, makes discoveries, begins to investigate a situation. From now on the room belongs to it, and parents should respect this allocated space.
, Why to children privacy?
the Personal space is perceived by the person as part own “I“. Therefore on invasion into it both adults, and children react as to aggression against “I“. Besides, this place where it is possible to stay exclusively alone with himself, even the entrance here without the permission of the owner is forbidden the closest. It is extremely important that parents with respect and a step treated not only private space of the child, but also by personal time during which he wants to be alone, that intimate part of his soul where he does not want to let anybody. Thereby they help it to become independent, keep his identity and lay the foundation for future confidential relations with the kid. The territory is also an opportunity to feel surely, this peculiar kingdom in which it is possible to govern sovereignly. There is a place for hobbies of the baby, trifles like beads and fragments of glass which seem unnecessary stuff to parents, but can be the real treasure for the kid. Here it is possible to be engaged in what is pleasant...the feeling of psychological comfort in the territory also gives to the child All this
Thus, all children have a need for a privacy, but this requirement is expressed differently and appears at different times: for example, one child only in seven years begins to close behind himself a toilet door, and another already at five-year age avoids to change clothes at all on a look. But, despite distinctions, there are also general tendencies. Here what can be expected at each age.
Why they need it?
For the baby time spent alone is time of inaction and an opportunity to have a rest from communication. In the period of such respite the kid learns to occupy himself. So, in three-year-old Masha`s family tell istorshcho about how, being still absolutely small, she liked to look from a window at a huge old oak on which birds built a nest. At the same time there are children who can crool, play with the fingers or with rattles to 20 minutes in a row, but there are also those to whom there are enough several minutes a day.As to learn
about it? In the heat of game the child can begin to look away, turn away or fuss. Thus he lets you know that he overtired and needs some time for restoration of forces and attention.
Children of early age (1 - 3 years).
Why they need it?the Adored kid who did not take eyes with you and began to cry bitterly as soon as you left the room suddenly declares
to you: “I want to be alone!“ For parents it can become the real shock. Nevertheless, approximately since one and a half years all children need really to spend some time alone. On the second year of life children begin to realize the independence, separateness of others. Therefore the kid needs to give the chance to popraktikovat the independence. However do not forget that the world seems to the child very big - it can ask you to leave, but is not too far. It covers a door, but does not slam it up to the end.As to learn
about it? Of course, children of this age cannot precisely formulate yet the desire to stay alone therefore be not surprised if the child just begins to push away you or unexpectedly will burst into tears. The subject of a privacy arises at this age also in connection with schooling of the child to a pot. Often children try to hide to descend in a toilet. The child learns to own the body, and at this time he needs to be alone.
Younger preschool children (3 - 5 years).
Why they need it?
Children gradually become more independent and begin to be trained in useful skills - to independently put on, pour to itself juice, to use scissors. They want to grow and feel rather adults, and it is very difficult when around you mother with the father strive and every minute offer the help. To be trained in development of household actions, the child tries to leave from - under total control of adults.
Besides, preschool children begin to play various situations and to try on on themselves roles. Some kids very much are confused if they know that you watch their game.As to learn
about it?be not surprised to
if the child tries to show the door you from the room. For example, four-year-old Dasha began to play with the plush toys in a wardrobe, carrying on with them long talk. If mother looks on it, she right there speaks:“ Mother, leave“ - and does not start game while over again there is no one. You should not take offense at such behavior, in it there is nothing personal, and it is only necessary to use an opportunity to train the child as it is polite to ask that adults left its one. Children at this age adore secrets - to them pleasantly to realize that they know something that is not known by nobody else. Little Mischa before going to bed hides every evening the favourite machine, and in the morning, having woken up, first of all takes out it from a hiding place.
the Ideal order
of Usually younger preschool children parents begin to accustom to purity and an order. Cleaning in the room it becomes frequent a stumbling block. You are surprised how your angel in what is represented year after year to you as a battlefield can feel confident? You would like that he brought order, and he does not understand why. Simply what we call a disorder corresponds for it to a certain order, certainly, very personal, but nevertheless to an order. It is some kind of mental geography which provides it the most important feeling of safety. It has codes, the tags which he defined and arranged. When in other part of the house the child submits to a set of instructions and the bans imposed by parents (bans necessary as they train it in rules of life in society), in the room it has to have an opportunity to return to space to which he is an owner. But how then not to grow with dirt and garbage? Agree that things should not be dumped by continuously growing mountain, but do not interfere with in what order they will be spread out. Besides, it is necessary to understand that to direct purity and to bring order - not same. Usually to parents is permitted to get on the private children`s territory for purity targeting. To go to hunting behind the crushed cookies and the smeared candies - yes, it is necessary. At the same time children of more advanced age can be active brushes and mops. Instead of pressure use cooperation strategy. Suggest the child to become for a while the employee of police of purity and to define in the apartment, including, of course, and in the room, zones which demand urgent cleaning. Starting fight against dirt, turn on the cheerful music, arrange competition, say, on the most high-quality and fast mopping - generally, make this occupation not dull. What else can be made? Think up the kind character or use options from fairy tales: for example, Ole - Lukoye who very much likes to read books at night quite will approach, to draw, mold and is upset when he cannot find things necessary to it on “the“ places. However to decide where in the room there will be that ““ place at pencils and books, the child has to. In a game form suggest the kid to construct garage for its vehicle fleet or stick together together the doll house. Let he will choose the place suitable for it. In the evenings remind that and to teddy bears it is uncomfortable to dolls to spend the night on the street, and it is time for machines on rest in garage. Anyway you should not tide up the room of the child in his absence - it can increase at it alarm, he feels unsettled, uneasy. By the way, to avoid alarm that the kid felt confidence in constancy of things and its authorities over them, in the room there has to be a furniture “to its measure“: easy chairs, a table without acute angles, whatnots and, of course, a low, convenient bed - that it could climb growth when at the beginning of it captures desire to indulge in some game, without being forced to call to the aid.
In difficult cases when cleaning became apple of discord, it is possible to give the chance to appreciate life in dirt. After one - two nights spent under the sticky, smeared with jam blanket, the child will begin to protest.
Senior preschool children (5 - 7 years).
Why they need it?children feel
By five years in society much more surely, and one of ways to learn friendship - to communicate with the peers, whenever possible, without participation of adults. Of course, even school students cannot be left unguarded for long time. It is important to parents to learn to be near, but to interfere only if under the threat safety of the child.
about it? For certain your child will want to hide from you where - nibud with the friend. So, seven-year-old Vitya and five-year-old Nikita`s mother told that the father of boys constructed to them a lodge on a tree, with a rope ladder which can be lifted upward and not to let uninvited guests. On Saturdays 4 - 5 boys get into this lodge and arrange some game there while mother reads below. Mother in only several meters, but as she cannot rise to them, seems to them that they absolutely one.the World of dream helping grow
This age period is characterized by
as age of rapid development of imagination, active formation of an inner world. So, when in the ray of sunlight getting through curtains motes float, the child sees in them stars, and the adult imagines akarid dust ticks. Your child builds to itself tent, goes to bed on a floor in a sleeping bag whereas it has on hand a pretty bed? For you it is ridiculous and senseless, for it game which is not overindulgence at all. Thanks to it it builds to itself(himself) a psychological cocoon which needs; masters new, still unfamiliar feelings. All children once built tents. And the room is the best of tents. To grow, the person needs to have secrets, the private life protected from a look of the others. Here from where on doors of nurseries eloquent plates: “Everything, except me, the entrance is prohibited!“, “To knock before entering!“ and other inscriptions or drawings menacing to tactless newcomers. Well, the kid grew up, and adults should control less and to agree more. Wisdom of the adult will allow to keep balance between children`s freedom and what the child has to remember that you are his parents and that his private life has borders. by
With development of the imagination connected also desire to paint walls, to paste transfers - generally, to remake and decorate. Why not? Alas, parents often kill aspiration of the child to creativity. Do not limit the kid in desire to make out the room to the taste. Even if this taste is still not irreproachable. Besides, it is difficult for us to agree that the kid will spoil what we created for him with love. To accept what we consider as disrespect, we will remember words of the famous pediatrician, the children`s psychologist Francoisa Dolto:“ The child has to spoil. If too the things bought expensively early begin to learn to respect him, then it will prevent it to be live“. He will understand the value of things gradually as he learns to dispose of the thriftily. But you can tell the child about how colors are combined with each other, to show pictures in magazines and books where rooms are arranged with taste, to advise how to make in the room more place for games. But the last word in registration of space has to remain for the child.
the Private territory for everyone!
When in a family two grown-up children, the room can become the place of fierce battles. If the room rather big, divide it in two by means of a screen. It will allow them to be together when they want it, and at the same time to have the separate corner hidden from views for storage of treasures which they do not want to divide for two. Designers often use reception of zoning of space in small rooms. Define where you have dinner where you work where you sleep what corner of the room belongs to mother, and what to the child. The kid has to know well that it is a father`s table and it cannot be painted in colors of a rainbow, and this grandmother`s rocking-chair and it it is necessary to exempt from machines according to the first requirement. Agree that the child is free to establish the orders at himself in the room, but will not scatter a toy on all apartment and to transplant dolls at a table during reception of guests. Such agreement will teach also you, and the child to make thrifty use of an inner world of each other.