The tranquility, only tranquility of
of Fit of anger, floods of tears, inconsolable grief and sharp differences of mood - strong emotions of children discompose us. How to fight with them? To become angry, caress the child, to wait that it will pass, or just to concede? The psychologist Svetlana Zabegaylova will help to make the decision to us.
First that each parent needs to acquire: whim to a whim discord. It is very important to be able to distinguish real children`s “grief“ from whims and according to itself to conduct. There is a whim as the simple emotional pressure upon the adult, attempt to induce parents to do as the child wants. Crying, shouts and driving on a floor can be attempt to force the parent to buy a toy, to arrange so that it was not conducted in kindergarten or did not take away home from a playground. The child “presses from himself a tear“, trying to obtain from you the desirable. If the child managed to achieve the by means of any unattractive behavior, he will be improved in it, resorting to this way in increasing frequency. The most important weapon of fight against such whim is a tranquility and patience. It is necessary to react to all actions of the child with understanding and during whims not to do any concessions. And when the child will cease and will calm down, try not to abuse and not to shame the kid - just hope that he any more will never repeat the behavior, and assure it that the way of manipulation chosen by it is unproductive.
But also other whims caused by hunger, an illness, fatigue, alarm, a sleep debt, overexcitation are. The kid can become angry or bitterly begin to cry when something is impossible to him or he cannot be understood. Emotions of the child of younger school age are similar to weather: if it is not pleasant to you, it is necessary to wait, and it will change. The same and with the kid. Now the collapsed tower from cubes beat out the kid from balance, and he inconsolably sobs about it, and in a minute this event will seem it business of yesterday, and it with curiosity will switch to the cat running by. Usual day of the child is crowded with a set of difficult tasks, he learns, gains new abilities, tries to make something independently and at the same time throughout the day listens to instructions, estimates and morals of adults. The kid tests a huge number of emotions which quickly replace each other. These emotions are connected with new opening, with small victories and is very frequent with failures and difficulties on the way of knowledge of the world. The kid lacks speech skills yet clearly to express the requirements, feelings and desires. When all this collects too much, your child can begin to complain, cry and shout. Let`s look how to react to differences of mood in this case and what will help us to bring the kid into former balance.fight Methods
- be not irritated with
. Some parents extremely badly transfer children`s crying. Nevertheless, you are obliged to get it together and to support the child. Inadequate reactions and expectations of parents only increase intensity and aggravate children`s whims. The parental anger and shouts will only frighten the child, and he will even more be brought. Try to keep calm.
The baby needs to help to learn easily and to comfortably open for itself the world. Do not give in to its differences of mood, be for the kid a source of self-control, goodwill and tranquility. Eventually, how can calm down the kid testing owing to the age, apparent defect of internal control if the adults surrounding it are also not able to constrain the emotions and continually lose over themselves control? And here to stay with it nearby, to let to it know your readiness to come to the rescue of it - it is very important for the child. You watch tone of the voice. If you are not able to be self-controlled and raise the voice, children will do the same.
- Kindly perceive children`s experiences. During experience the child is in wild spirits and cannot cope with it. This internal force can frighten him and therefore nearby it needs the gentle and quiet adult who will help to send energy to the necessary course, will calm, will support and will undertake surplus of feelings. Attempts to call the child for reason or shouts will not lead to anything as the kid is too excited. You should not wait long if the child cannot independently calm down, come to the rescue to him, for example, tell:“ I understand that you were tired and to you is sad. Sit, think, than I can help you and when you calm down, we will talk“. You will show to the kid that you accept his feelings and empathize him.
- Stay near the kid, take it on hands. The kid needs support. Put him on knees and help it to calm down. If the child just looks for your heat, do not react angrily and intolerantly, otherwise he will be depressed more and more. For example, you can gently iron it on a back, slowly shake, repeating: “My good, cry a little, let you will leave all grief and rage, and I will stay nearby“. Often the child of it has already enough. And in the future do not forget to endow to it more attention - then the requirement to try to obtain it crying will disappear. More and more seldom parents use fine confidential gesture: when the kid longs, cries or tries to tell you something, it is possible to take his handle in the hand strong. This gesture speaks about participation, our full attention and SYMPATHY. All of us time hurry, talking to children, to you a lack of time to postpone parallel affairs. But ours need love; receiving a response, they learn to show love and sympathy and grow sympathetic, cheerful, but not emotionally clamped.
- Try to distract the child. Instead of panicing or trying to bring to reason the kid who fell into a hysterics try to switch his attention. Sometimes such physical activity as dances or game in a ball, maybe it is enough to calm the child. The little child will be intrigued if you quietly sit down on a floor, will get its toys and will begin to play with enthusiasm, from time to time inviting it to join. But the small kids which still are badly understanding the speech often absolutely cease to control themselves. Therefore there can be useful simple, but effective receptions: it is possible, having wrapped the kid in a blanket, to come with it to a balcony or to bring it to an open window that the baby could take a sip fresh air. Some children are helped by contrast or cool washing of the person and neck, to others - a warm shower. When the child calms down, caress him and sit with him so much how many it will be required to it, without shaming and without lecturing at the same time. If your kid rubs eyes or sucks a finger, perhaps, time to eat or have a sleep came.
- do not force the child to suppress grief. The self-control, self-checking, internal tranquility and a pacification - as would be remarkable if all children were similar to little Buddhist monks, but it is impossible. Being angry, muttering and being irritated, the kid is exempted from negative energy. It is a little similar to a pan - a pressure cooker which, being under pressure, continually lets out excess steam. Knowing that in the child the different internal conflicts rage, it will be easier for you to understand why aged from two till four years children are very excitable and sensitive. The discharge is simply necessary for weak children`s mentality so the child is exempted from negative energy which collects in the course of children`s activity, otherwise the kid is not able to cope with it yet. If the child constantly shows character, remember that unlike adults it is more difficult for children to be at loss for words for expression of the FEELINGS (if they only begin to talk); children show the internal problems the behavior - easier to show them, than to tell. Too often, when we demand from children to hide true feelings, we do it to calm ourselves as shouts and tears of children often irritate us. Nevertheless, it is dangerous to suppress emotions, grief and experiences. Our own parents did not know how to respond to our emotions, and felt awkwardly in similar situations. Therefore, having matured, and we learned not to express the feelings, to suppress them in ourselves; we act also with our children this way. Show
- that to you his experiences are not indifferent, and let it know that all people sometimes long iplanut. Sometimes it is important to child to receive your sympathy and to understand that negative emotions are possible and it is not necessary to be ashamed of them. It is impossible to consider children`s tears as a sign of sincere weakness. Yes, the strong person does not grumble, does not complain, does not show false modesty for the sake of sympathy, but he accepts the feelings if they are, and only this way he can cope with them and again rise, having straightened shoulders. And he has to be sure that its feelings are normal, they are possible, but if long to grieve, will not help business. However this belief not of the person of no character, and strong, self-assured and loving himself. And whether the child when his feelings are rejected when the closest people let know can fall in love with himself: we do not care about your experiences, get up, will be enough to cry on trifles. Experiences do not take place just because that you try to diminish them or consider a problem insignificant.
- Allow to cry no more than 10 minutes. Do not allow the child to experience strong emotional experiences more than 10 minutes! Listen to him, help to cope with emotions and try to switch to other occupations. Showing sympathy phrases it seems “To you it is sad, cry, my dear!“ you should not abuse, however, them - these words are useful as empathy, but not always help the kid to appear a condition of grief. The more you allow the child to worry, the longer you should console him. For sobbings and angry shouts the kid needs a little time, give it this time. But then look to the baby in eyes, contact with it by means of a look. Use recession of tension to tell:“ Now everything passed. Went, we will play on the street“. The child will feel that you understood him, so, it is possible to be engaged in something in another
- Love the kid with his pleasure and with his grief. We very much love when our children laugh and sing, and we also do not like to listen as they cry and shout. But the child has the right to be sad, dissatisfied, angry, in bad mood. He needs to know that you accept both his laughter, and tears that expression of the strongest emotions of the child will not be able to destroy your love to it. Children, just as we, sometimes get up on the wrong side of the bed; as well as we at the end of the day, after day nursery or school feel exhausted. Not only adults test fatigue.
Besides happens that hypersensibility and vulnerability are signs of a specific mental warehouse of children, properties of their nervous system. It is impossible to change these congenital features voluntarily. Here arrangements, reproaches and punishments will not help. Any violent measures will only aggravate a problem, having increased intensity and nervousness, so, will even stronger weaken nervous system - the child and will undermine self-confidence. Our kids grow and become independent. At the same time our approval, but their desire to follow own rushes often is very important for their wellbeing is stronger. If we recognize importance of their own views, we assume that they can have a personal opinion in some occasion and own view of some things, so we raise the children, showing to them respect, and it is the best way to cause in them reciprocal feelings.
- Rejoice! The child wanted to receive this toy, to remain on a swing, to eat pie, and you told it “no“. He is dissatisfied, evil and shows the emotions. Put yourself on its place. Is from - for what to be upset! Do not worry if the child laughs, cries, is angry, caresses: fast changes of mood are very good sign, the child develops. There would be a reason for concern if the kid never cried, did not shout and was not angry. It is in the order of things that he experiences certain emotions, is life! Just try to correct behavior of the kid if he something wants, you teach it not to express the desires violently and violently, explain that it is ugly to show the feelings prinarodno, for show, and the more so do not encourage a hysterics. You do not hurry to grant the child`s requests stated by whimsical tone. Try to explain to him that he much quicker and easier would achieve the if he spoke quietly. Firmly follow the rule: while the kid aches, all his requirements are ignored; only he ceases to be capricious - requests are granted. Note more effective ways to ask: “By means of groans to you never to achieve anything. It is better to calm down and tell so...“ .
- Try to find the reason of his experiences and help to cope with them. Angry hysterics and shouts of the child should be perceived tolerantly; moreover, it is important to be acute and to try to understand the reason of children`s tears. Every time, facing obstacles and difficulties in a way of the movement to independence, kids fall into indignation and rage. Unfortunately, at this age they cannot express in a different way the disappointment caused by own weakness. But it is not the only reason. Most often some real requirement or a problem which we long do not notice is the reason of moaning. It is need for attention or sympathy, crying from loneliness when parents work hard and seldom find time for game with the kid. It can be usual children`s fears: fear of darkness, loud sounds, dogs, witches, doctors or water. And if nobody helps the child to cope with his grief, will refuse to listen to him, then crying and shouts will become a steady form of protection against fears and alarms.