Awakening of maternal feeling, or
about feelings of mother of two children of
Future mothers sometimes very abstractly imagine the future motherhood. The child for them is drawn by a certain beautiful angellike being for whom they very much wait, but poorly imagine what he will be. Many pregnant women, trying to do everything by rules, shovel the mass of literature on pregnancy, but are not interested in books on care of the child at all. And the reason of it not in the irresponsible relation to maternal duties, and that the child for them - a far and abstract image.Is present
nothing surprising that at the first pregnancy the maternal feeling wakes up not at once. Perhaps, it does not belong to those couples which tried to bring the child for a long time, and they did not manage it in any way. However at most of mothers understanding of motherhood comes only with the child`s birth, and sometimes - in several weeks or even months after its birth.the Kid was born
But here the kid was born, and it becomes the center of attention in a family at once. Spending with the newborn 24 hours a day, mother learns about him more and more. Gradually communication of mother and child becomes stronger and stronger. And it is natural. Besides vital bonds they are connected now by the days, weeks, months lived together. You love the person whom well you know, whether so much more?
Perhaps, to repeat?
Even more difficult internal experiences are coming you if you decide to bring the second child. You are expected by a shake-up of the established family roles and formation of new relationship between family members. It frightens many mothers, preventing to agree to the birth of one more kid. The love to the firstborn seems to them such strong that they do not imagine an opportunity to fall in love still with someone besides it. My task is not to convince someone that two children - it is better, than one. But the reasoning that there will not be enough maternal love for two does not maintain any criticism. Just it will be different love as your love to the husband, the father, mother is not identical.
And still initially in your soul some mess will set in. For the first time you will feel it at the beginning of pregnancy. The feeling in itself new, to nobody yet not visible life somehow matches daily care of such own and familiar senior child. That abstract image which was once your firstborn comes back now again, causing strange feeling of “the repetition passed“.
a fault Complex
At this stage it is important to sense of guilt not to allow to develop before the child. Sometimes the woman begins to feel as the traitress who changed to the kid for the sake of that, the second whom she carries in herself. Some effort is required to convince itself that the birth of the baby does not cross out all that was and it will be still lived with the first. Especially as all these torments at a stage of pregnancy torment only the woman, but not the child. Children with a great interest treat prospect of appearance of the brother or little sister. So far they not in forces to expect negative consequences of this fact, and draw to themselves only a bright prospect. whether
A here such consequences will be p>
, depends on mother. Here very important role is played by psychological training of the child for the birth of the new family member. Begin to train him for this event beforehand, several months prior to childbirth. You say to the child more often that he is already big. Show photos of kids in magazines and a family photo album, explaining that it was small too, and now grew. The consciousness of it fills the child with genuine pride. Tell it that small children eat breast milk that your actions when feeding the baby were not surprising to it. And, at last, explain that in a tummy mother has a kid who will be born soon. Newborn in the houseto
also whether it will manage to you to keep a life rhythm, habitual for the senior child, after the birth of the baby Is important for
. The share of your attention which is daily given to the firstborn should not be reduced sharply. Then it will have no offense on the newborn who will become not a hindrance, and entertainment, one more object of studying.
Of course, in turmoil of the first days to carry out it it is difficult. And here still there is a temptation to resort to the help of the grandmother suggesting to take the senior child to herself for some time. But if you want to keep calm in a family and not to cultivate at it jealousy of the newborn, it is not necessary to give in on arrangements. Ask relatives to give help on economy better, and use the released time for games and reading with children. With children, and small can participate in it. Music of verses and fairy tales which you read to the senior child well influences him.
Joint occupations will allow to lower psychological load of the senior. He will feel that mother still belongs to it, her love to it did not decrease at all. One more reason for which mother should most take care with both of children is a redistribution of roles in a family, definition of new places of her members and their relations. Process of mutual accustoming will take several weeks, and during this period it is necessary to spend much time together, all family.with
Strangely enough, maternal feeling it is necessary “to awake“ also for the second time. It would seem, you already mother with an experience, know everything about care of the newborn … But the feeling is exactly feeling, but not knowledge. Only mother understands that it “to feel“ the child: to understand its signals, to see in what it mood, precisely know that it is necessary for it at present. The maternal feeling is an interrelation at the emotional level. Therefore its awakening requires some time. As blasphemously, at first sight, it will sound, but the newborn child is a stranger. Neither its habits, nor character are known to you. Therefore it is quite possible that right after childbirth you will have a vague feeling of hostility to the baby who intruded in the adjusted family way while you already have a child who strongly took the place in your heart.
feeding by a breast helps to Cope with the sincere conflict of mother best of all. At these moments between the child and mother that emotional connection which gradually develops into maternal feeling is established.
not to allow to develop jealousy
After reading of various articles on children`s psychology, mother is so intimidated by probable jealousy of the firstborn of the newborn that entry of the new member into a family uses reasonable efforts occurred as it is possible more softly. At the same time, not to offend feelings of the senior, she tries not to show at his presence tendernesses to the kid. She as if hesitates to love own child not to restrain another. And thus, restrains already younger in the rights for her love.
meanwhile small needs too that talked to it, ironed, caressed. And the woman begins to feel falseness soon.
to Cope with this problem not so difficult. It is enough to understand that if the firstborn does not lose amount of maternal attention, habitual for it, then he is not offended that it potters with the kid. On the contrary, seeing mother`s caress in relation to the baby, he also learns to show the feelings. Therefore it is very important to play and talk to the newborn in the presence of the elder brother or the sister, involving them in this communication.
over time the firstborn will begin to communicate on own initiative with the kid, thereby promoting development of skill to communicate in it. The love between your children will so gradually get stronger, and new roles of all family members will be defined. Of course, eventually, in process of a growing of children, relationship will be corrected. But the main thing that they changed only for the better.