Rus Articles Journal

What are future mothers afraid of?

are in a varying degree familiar to Almost all women expecting the first child conscious or unconscious fears and alarms. And there is no wonder: the proximity of changes will hardly leave somebody indifferent and quiet. Of course, you read about pregnancy, childbirth and the first days with the child much, heard stories of more skilled girlfriends, perhaps even sat with the daughter of elder sister... But you had not to learn on own experience what is the first fights, or and the whole nights to spend days with the newborn baby.

I will not be able to give to the child enough love and tendernesses

Hardly anyone - nibud will begin to deny that the motherhood demands from the woman of special qualities. Sometimes the fear of future role can be connected with the fact that you subconsciously do not feel ready to care for the kid. And it does not mean at all that you are really not capable of softness, patience and understanding. Most likely, in your former life similar feelings appeared under a ban or did not meet reciprocal tenderness and warmth. Therefore now you do not know whether you are capable of them and whether you will be able to fall in love with the kid.

As itself to help

? If to you something similar happens, to help itself - not to stir the easiest way the nature. In each woman ability to love, especially to love the child is put, but sometimes this feeling comes not at once. When the kid the first time moves at you in a stomach, you for certain will experience very strong experiences. Perhaps, for someone they will be unusual, unfamiliar, even frightening, but it is not necessary to resist their emergence. Remember that the nature already gave you everything that is necessary for successful motherhood.

I feel that I became too vulnerable

Other fear can be is connected with feeling of vulnerability. Initially Olga and Nikolay did not plan the second child as living conditions left much to be desired. But when they learned that Olga is pregnant, decided to change nothing. However the pleasure from the forthcoming changes was saddened by constant alarm for the future: “How we will live where all of us will accommodate how the oldest daughter will react to the inevitable changes connected with emergence of small?“ All these alarms are quite explainable, and the way out is clear: it is necessary to resolve a housing problem urgently. Thoughts about an apartment exchange frightened Olga: “Who will be engaged in it? We in it understand nothing...“ It turned out that the feeling of unreliability of world around and own helplessness was always inherent in Olga, and pregnancy aggravated this feeling and made it painful.

the Condition of helplessness often spoils life to future mothers and does not depend on that, their existence is how provided. Just during pregnancy the woman becomes more vulnerable and defenseless and if somewhere at heart it has a secret confidence that “the world is dangerous and to protect me there is nobody“, then the alarm and feeling of not clear threat can increase several times. By the way, sometimes future mothers become careful to suspiciousness and begin is aggravated to react even to illusive danger, understanding at the same time all lightness of threat.

As itself to help

? For a start find out what your concern is based on and whether you can undertake something to cease to react so to the events. Then define what can calm you: meetings with friends, walks, knitting, reading. Usually disturbing states pass soon after the delivery when you begin to realize that with the kid everything is all right and life takes its course.


I am frightened by the future

Inevitable changes which will happen in your family after the birth of the kid, are also a source of alarms. If you always sought to give to the way of life a certain stability and steadiness if you do not love surprises and surprises, it is quite probable that such event as the child`s birth, will cause in you alarm: “How everything will develop? Whether I will grow plump to a disgrace? Whether the husband in me only will begin to see “mummy“? How I will get on with the mother-in-law if it is necessary to ask her about something?“

As itself to help

? the Future changes really very much concern. When you leave walls of maternity hospital together with the kid, you should adapt to the new schedule of life. For now you cannot influence a situation in any way or to learn to control it - in your current situation it is necessary only to wait and take a maximum of positive emotions from what occurs at present.

Too heavy responsibility!

Sometimes it seems to of
that the child will demand such return of sincere forces that for your own life there will be neither left place, nor time. Fortunately, in most cases these moods pass after the birth of the kid.

the Fear can be connected by with enormous responsibility which lays down on shoulders of future parents, and especially future mother when she receives a positive test result on pregnancy... Your experiences are quite clear - nobody in such measure is responsible for life and health of other person as mother for the child. Hardly anyone - nibud will be able to divide equally with you this freight which can share with future father, grandmothers, grandfathers, doctors or teachers only a little.

As itself to help

? Having undertaken such responsibility, you will test, naturally, alarms and disorders: whether I will cope whether it will turn out at me and what to make that it turned out? On the one hand, this concern can serve to you good service, inducing to get ready for childbirth and future motherhood. But it can strongly prevent, especially if you got used to reach in everything perfection and will strive for the highest results and in a motherhood field. However it is impossible to be perfect mother, in the same way as it is impossible to bring up the ideal child. The aspiration to an ideal sometimes is very dangerous as distracts from the main thing - mutual happiness and love for what, actually, and children are born.

to me it is unclear that happens to a body, I am afraid of pain and childbirth

One more fear is connected with inevitability of physical changes which will happen to you during pregnancy and childbirth. It is known that childbirth - natural biological process in which the leading role belongs to your body. However in our culture two types of the relation to a body prevail: or as to something low and animal that has to be under supervision at reason, or as to the mechanism which has to function well at our continued care. In both cases the body acts as a certain object which should be tamed, subordinated and controlled. Meanwhile during pregnancy things which are not really clear to you begin to happen to you and are not absolutely subject. “Something happens to me, and I have to just submit. Nothing else remains to me. It seems to me that I stop being the hostess of the life, the body because recently my stomach defines how to me to live and what to do“. As a rule, these reflections come to an end with the thoughts similar to those that visit us during an illness: Whether “There will be to me no something terrible? Whether I will die? Whether I will remain for the rest of life the helpless cripple?“

As itself to help

? In - the first, you can go to courses of preparation for childbirth on which the huge attention is paid to establishment of contact with own body and where its signals will teach to understand you, to trust it as to the reliable strong partner. Breathing exercises and methods of relaxation will be useful to you at the time of delivery. In - the second, today the probability to die at the time of delivery is much below, than probability to be run over by a car. Of course, at everyone the destiny, but if not to do nonsenses, it is possible to help it to be favorable.

Suddenly the child will be born


Unfortunately, it is necessary to recognize that completely it is impossible to avoid this risk. It is reality, and our only weapon against uncontrollable and inevitable - to try to accept itself and the share such what it is.

Sometimes the fear to give birth to the defective child begins to torment with

the woman even in case pregnancy proceeds normally and there is no visible threat for development of the kid. What it is connected with? If pregnancy strongly changed your life if you had to offer for the sake of it any important interests, it is quite natural that from time to time you will be annoyed with the “interesting situation“ and with undisguised alarm to imagine how the been born kid will limit your freedom. However you should not reproach yourself for similar thoughts. These feelings do not mean that you are a bad mother, and say only that your life is filled, active also the child - only part it, but not the only contents. If you try to drive very much from yourself similar thoughts, then your disappointment will look for “roundabout ways“ for an exit. Among other things, it can be shown in the exaggerated experiences concerning the birth of the defective child, premature or very difficult delivery with consequences or still something terrible and unpleasant. Strangely enough, the fear to give birth to the defective child sometimes is warmed up by inspections during pregnancy. Ultrasonography, other researches and analyses are a stress source including for the child in spite of the fact that their results are in most cases safe. At the same time the fear to give birth to the disabled person is similar fear to bring the kid who does not answer characteristics of “the ideal child“ into world.

As itself to help

? Each woman struggles with this fear in own way: someone does not allow similar thoughts, someone reconciles with such opportunity, someone decides in advance that he will not be able to accept the child, and prepares for himself justifications “in case...“ . Actually you have to remember that absolutely healthy children are born infrequently, and the huge number of pathologies which carry the name “patrimonial trauma“ or “defect of pre-natal development“ gives in to successful correction. However, if fears nevertheless do not abandon you, it is worth consulting to the expert.