Rus Articles Journal

If child tease

Summer - time dynamic, continuous traveling and new acquaintances. Unfortunately, they not always are pleasant, and can happen so that the child who got to unfamiliar collective has offenders. It begins to be teased, and sometimes worse: to poison.

Who attracts aggression

It is possible to wave away, of course. Do not pay supposedly attention. You not such how you are called, the truth? Well and everything, forgot. And it is impossible! If it is easy to offend the person, so he is very not self-assured - in it and the main reason of his misfortunes is covered.

the Shyness and shyness originate at the earliest age when to the child in any way imparted thought, as if it is not worthy respect. And when in one not really fine day on such person blows begin to pour, he readily accepts them - even without trying to defend the sovereignty.

the world is initially hostile to

In representation of people who constantly become a target of sneers. This installation in combination with conviction in own otioseness dictates style of behavior which is perceived by children, inclined to manifestation of aggression, as a most favored nation treatment to start military operations.

It is valid, the fan to wave with fists, having appeared near the diffident companion, right there meets the look of the badgered small animal promising total surrender of the opponent without any resistance. Stop! It is an important point. Without having received repulse, the offender, most likely, will repeat the sorties, and aggression of some children is caused by organic damages of a brain. To acquire any information, they need strong emotional explosion - for example, rough reaction of people around to their tricks.

you do not hurry to sympathize with

- teach to communicate better

When you see how tease the child, heart is broken off. And if this your child... However psychologists claim: the worst that adults in a similar situation can undertake is to emphasize weakness of the child who fell into the derelict`s state.

the Girl is teased at school - houses she mourns the bitter destiny together with the grandmother. What is absolutely inadmissible. Of course, to the child feeling of safety is vital warmly parental house, but knowing that the family accepts it it what it is, from the most tender age the kid has to accumulate real experience of communication with children. And not to be afraid of defeats!

not to be afraid to fall. Not to be afraid to be beaten. And if necessary to hit the offender back - the yungiansky school of psychology considers such turn of events quite natural. Certainly, you should not warm up a situation and to adjust the child bearing constant humiliations on - fighting, but he has to feel the force, and if necessary and to be able to stand for itself(himself) - especially as the fear to be beaten quite often is more dangerous than a beating.

Cannot develop the world, holding a mother`s skirt, but parents of shy children are quite often inclined to preserve children against excessively active companions. In vain! Time the tendency to fear of people (that is autization) was shown, it is impossible to feed it at all. On the contrary, it is necessary to invite children to himself and that the child did not endure from - for possible troubles, to be near somewhere. For example, in kitchen or in the neighboring room - that the presence not to prevent the growing-up person to feel a master of the situation. Let him communicate, plays, shares, quarrels, reconciled, independently solves the problems arising therein - the word, masters the most different roles which will be useful to it in life.

the Reverse side of uncertainty

If the little person never offends anybody, does not beat and does not call, it does not mean yet that internal aggression is not inherent in it: he can constrain itself(himself), being afraid to be paid back in kind. Or being afraid of punishment. Or being even afraid to look bad! At the same time the child is ashamed of what revenge he thought up to the offender, that is suffers not from - for deeds, and from - for imagined.

Sense of guilt presses

and that to remove internal stress, it is necessary to let out this evil ghost from a bottle, having let the child know that for bad thoughts it it is not rejected. How? To play, draw, listen to bad dreams and stories. In the summer on the beach to create sandy images of unknown beings.“ Look who it at me turned out! “-“ the angry wizard! “-“ and at you?“ - “The angry uncle“. Let aggressive imaginations receive material expression in the form of indistinct sandy images! It will be easier for the child, his fears slowly will begin to recede, the world will become more harmonious. Together with fears internal aggression and when it occurs will leave, the person will cease to attract humiliations.

Psychologists do not advise

to hide toy guns from adjusted on - fighting boys and to condemn them for the fact that they play war: the suppressed aggression is saved, torments the child, and eventually can be transformed to tendency to a suicide. In game everything occurs for fun, uneasiness is got rid and ability to get out of the difficult situations comes.

What all - to do?

to help the child who is teased should be changed

first of all his self-assessment. To develop feeling of safety, trust to the adult who is nearby. All this is difficult, and without serious efforts of parents not to manage.

First of all we will ask a question: what we more often do - we abuse or we praise? One of tests which psychologists for definition of relationship of adults and children use is a so-called ladder of merits and demerits.

At first to parents is offered to draw with

a ladder of negative lines of the child (the top step - the main shortcoming, further on descending). Then - a ladder of advantages. About each step to comment how this or that quality is often shown. The visual parents of pleasant qualities at the child happens several times more, than unpleasant.

was Tried?

Children who cannot fight back aggressive-minded peers are in great need in support. But if to give them an internal support, they begin to act, and it is the best way out.

it is not important how the child who reconciled to a role of the victim will answer aggression. It is not important even whether he will answer in general - the main thing, than she will respond in his soul. Means, it is necessary to change the relation to teasers which in essence represent spiteful criticism. As soon as it occurs, the weapon from hands of the opponent will be beaten out.

the Eternal victim of attacks can be told

, for example: “If you do not want to fight, then depart. But if the tease equal to you why not to fight back?“ . Psychologists warn against excessive moralization and councils like “feel above offenders“ - the main thing that the child acted on internal motivation and did not save in itself offense.

One of very known ways of the help to the children suffering from spiteful criticism of peers is so-called provocation of aggression. Its purpose consists in that the child learned to hit back - that is would afford that interaction on which he never decides. In fact provocation of aggression represents some kind of game in teasers - it is necessary to call offensive words some toy or even the psychotherapist.

you Think, risky? But not juvenile punks, not all-around champions on an obzyvatelstvo among preschool and younger school age, and polite, cultural children who are not able to answer aggressive attacks of peers adequately participate in procedure. They are never beyond decencies. To hear from them it is not enough - malsk a suitable turn, the expert should set on them.

When internal tension will pour out outside and in a safe situation the child will play with what injures it, sharpness of experiences will be removed. The threat of undeserved spiteful criticism hanging a sword of Damocles will cease to frighten. The person will receive a new view on things, a new way of reaction and if the closest people daily support his belief in the forces, it will gain internal flexibility and will find own ways of an exit from difficult situations.