All the time you are late?
What forces you to be late even for the most important meetings? Grigory Hermann tells about how everywhere to be in time in time.
A few years ago when I was the chief manager of office of psychological assistance in the new medical center, I felt that time to me came to address the doctor. At that time I met the woman who became my wife later. It madly was pleasant to me, but it was very difficult to me to build the relations, I very much hesitated of it.the Doctor accepted
far from the house, and I left almost for an hour not to be late. At first I just got confused in lanes, then went at all not there and was already late for 15 minutes.
Ya called the doctor and warned about a situation, having suggested to reschedule an appointment the next day.“ It seems to me, you avoid a meeting with the psychologist“, - he assumed.
Ya thought of it. One part me did everything possible to be late for reception and not to go as a result there. I was afraid of conversation with the doctor, was afraid that he will tell me something offensive or unpleasant. I read about such self-defense much. And I knew that I pulled to the last, did not want to go, in every possible way resisted.
“Yes, - I told, - most likely, this is true“. - “Well, then I will wait for you in how many you arrived...“
Now, after long work on myself and communication with my doctor, I understood that delay is unsolved emotions, only a way of self-deception.
we will talk about each of us Now. Let`s find out: why you are late what you from yourself hide? And how to improve this unpleasant situation?
Ya I am nervous. Many people are late unconsciously, having at the same time the hidden reasons which also do not guess. When they go to work, to a meeting with friends or somewhere still, they begin to be nervous and irritated. These are unknown emotions which get deeply into subconsciousness, but at the same time can change the course of events.
If you already again in a row are late for a meeting with friends, time to reflect came: can be, you just avoid them? Perhaps all the matter is that for restaurant in which the appointment is made there is not enough money? Or it seems to you that on girlfriends you have no time what they distract you from homework and family affairs? And maybe, you are not pleasant to answer inquiries of friends about your private life...
When you will deal with the feelings and thoughts, you need to think how to get rid of the factors irritating you. The best option - to think over everything in advance. Accurate planning - the enemy of unconscious irritation. If each meeting painfully strikes your budget, offer friends several alternatives - in the city full of places where it is possible to descend. Your friends have to treat with understanding to your wishes. If you lack time for homework performance, try to allocate for it two additional hours a day before a meeting that rest with girlfriends seemed deserved and you had no sense of guilt.to Show
who in the house the owner. It is one more thing of which it is worth thinking. “We are close girlfriends if I am late for a couple of minutes, nothing will change“. Or here: “She knows that I am busier person. Nothing terrible happens if she waits for me...“ Some people are late to show as far as they it is more important than the one who waits for them. Many really consider that someone by all means will be and is obliged to wait for them.Once I worked as
with the woman who constantly was late for meetings with collective which work directed. After a while the chief of the woman to whom it, naturally, was not pleasant also learned about it.the answer tried to find
Ya. When she told that just - that very urgent can force to come it to a meeting in time. Then I asked: “To you in general it is important that people treated you with due respect?“ The chief smiled.“ Well, in any case, it is pleasant to me that nobody dares to leave audience until I come“, - she told.
That`s it! Expectation - one of respect forms. The late person wants to show the importance and superiority over the others once again. At least, everything looks quite so in this case.
“You in many respects already showed that you the leader, - I told. - When you begin to respect yourself and to believe that you the real head, you should not keep people waiting for yourself, trying will ego-trip through their patience“.
Remember that your girlfriend or the colleague can not guess a source of all the troubles even. Try to tell:“ When you are late for 20 minutes, begins to seem to me that I otbros societies. I doubt that you want that I so felt. If you are late, report to me about it, we will meet in so many, in how many both it will be convenient“.
to me needs to be known that I am loved. Earlier I had a client who incessantly was late for reception to me.“Me it seems to
that you arrived on time only two times from our 20 meetings, - I somehow told it. - How you think - why?“ It shook the head. “It was always difficult to me to come where - or in the appointed hour, - he answered. - My father never waited for me if I was late“. - “When it happened?“ - I asked.“ For example, at school. My father brought me since morning, he left earlier and waited below if I was late at least for a minute, he just left and I had to trudge by the subway to one“. - “It is dishonest, - I was indignant, - it concerned you devil-may-carely, acting this way“.the Late person wants to show to
, are how dear to the relatives. And it is better than nothing does not come to mind how to check whether they are ready to endow the time for the sake of you. If you keep the husband waiting, think: can be, you just want that he paid you attention more often, participated in household chores, planned together with you day off? Be frank with it, begin so:“ I thought much why I leave the affairs connected with you finally? And it seems to me that I understood. Earlier we always solved problems together, now almost everything lies on me. Recently you all in affairs and do not participate in family life at all, and I need your help. We a family, let`s try to live how earlier, - one life?“
If your girlfriend constantly is late, you can hint it, having told: “You know, I always wait for you to the last. You are more important for me, than cinema or the reserved table in cafe. But sometimes there is a wish to come without bustle to movie theater in advance, to buy popcorn, to chat, itself you know...“Have more than
Delay can be not only a bad habit, but also a symptom of serious psychological frustration. the Depression
the Depression involves
- not only lack of appetite, a bad dream, irritability, grief, but also a raskontsentration, energy loss. The people who are in a depression can begin to be late - and it is not the only symptom of this disease. Frequent change of mood can become the reason of delay. Later it can lead to delay of actions and forgetfulness.
- the Carelessness
the Carelessness involves continuous delay because the person is in incessant search: whether he forgot something? The inattentive person can forget about a meeting at all or about where he went. Already mentioned depression can serve as the reason of a carelessness. But people, so to speak, meet a congenital carelessness.
- Abuse of alcohol or
drugs Despite all my arguments, it is worth thinking: but whether the frequent night adventures accompanied with a large number of alcohol are the reason of the next delay for work? You have to help to find the real reason, but not to be covered with a depression.
How to organize the time?For a start should finding
the real reason for your delay. And only then it is possible to begin to fight against it, following the advice given below. Also do not postpone for later, begin right now.
- Get the diary and you carry it always with yourself. When you write down all forthcoming meetings in a notebook, you will be able to plan the day. Clearness of actions - useful quality. If you hold everything in the head, or will even forget probability that you will be late, it is much more.
- Spare time. To accustom itself to come where - nibud in time, you need to have always in a stock of 10 - 15 minutes. Prepare for an exit in advance. Remember that calculation of time - it is not so easy as it seems. the confidence Has more than
- . If you got used to do everything at the last minute if constantly you steal from yourself time it means that you are not sure that you in the future will have enough hours on executing all that were not in time.
you do not hurry if you feel that you are not in time. To leave business for later better, than in a hurry to do it and to be late for an important meeting. Protect the nerves. Deliver to
- yourself to the place of others. Present yourself on the place of the one who waits for you, for certain you will feel rage and irritation. It will help you to become more punctual.
- Follow an example of others. If you constantly are late, and your husband, for example, or the parent, is very punctual, you should learn from him - surely it is useful. Buy
- hours. If you have no hours on a hand, is not sophisticated that you are regularly late.
- of Exercise. For people who often are nervous, in affairs or traveling all the time (there a meeting, here) meditation is very effective. As during it the person is in full tranquility, he is relaxed and does not think absolutely of anything, he is concentrated only on the breath. Try, be convinced.
Ya ceased to be late when admitted to himself that it is valid and brings me a heap of inconveniences. Anything could appear the reason of delay. I even asked the parents to tell me about my children`s phobias and collected a large number of information. Together with the psychologist we managed which - what to find out. My consent to the beginning of therapy and visit to the doctor were the first step to recovery. My main mistake was the fact that I was afraid to admit to myself that is with me not everything is all right.you will make
pleasant to the friends and relatives, and at work of business will go better if you cease to be late. I speak, knowing from experience. So do not postpone, begin with passing of the test.
Pass a special test to define why you are late and as to correct it.
- Friends, colleagues and a family consider that I am late:
- Almost never.
- It is constant.
- For the last month guilty of - for delay:
- One or two of time.
- Five times. is More than five have some of
- When I am late:
- of Nothing cannot be done: traffic jams, problems on roads. Can be avoided
- , it is necessary to try.
- Simply I am not able to plan the time.
- my delay:
my delay irritate with
- Are unpredictable.
- Concern only meetings with friends, delay for work.
- Concern everything.
- people around:
- If yes, that is very rare.
- It happens, but infrequently.
- More often than I would like it.
- Ya lost work, increase or the friend from - for delay: to
- Never it it happened.
- Have more than once.
- Ya tried to cope with delay: there is no
- A, it concerns me a little.
- Few times, but only to work over itself.
- Repeatedly, but nothing left.
For each answer: And - 1 point; B - 2 points; In - 3 points.
- of 7 - 9 points
Is good. Everything says about what to be late - not by your part. Every time when you are late, be honest with themselves: think that or who is not pleasant to you what forces you to be late for a meeting? to you needs to be determined by
- of 10 - 12 points
how many trouble your delay bring upon you and your relatives. Perhaps you just are not able to organize the time?
- of 13 points and more
of Delay harm you. This serious obstacle in life which does not allow you to develop safely. Pay attention to council “More, than just delay“ above.