For some reason at me it is impossible to construct the equal relations with people. Today own husband told me that I am not able to talk and I am not able to behave at all. Perhaps, it is right, but it was unpleasant to hear it from it, it touched me, as a result - quarrel.
Rage - here the main feeling which owns me. I do not know why, but I constantly sicken on all, on everyone, on myself. Irritates me that the marriage did not equal my hopes that the son does not listen to me that I as pasted have to be engaged with the child. All have rest from work, finished work and walk safely. Only my work for some reason lasts constantly, and the husband considers that he gets exhausted on the... Can be. Yes only he will see off nearly an every evening with friends in garages, and I am the whole day of the house with the child. Also I begin to shout at the son how much in vain, I hate him and myself for the hatred, I hate the husband for what he does not understand or does not want to understand. I remember how I was pregnant. As it was happy when the son was born. I from it blew off motes if he cried, my heart was broken off. In maternity hospital when it was tortured by a hiccups, I came running to the nurse with an unfortunate look that it helped to relieve my child of tortures. When did it inoculations, I sobbed... So it happened to me?! What I waited for, all women so live. My friends are also attached to life, to children, have no personal time, spaces are and there is a family.
A the man - he is “getter“, he is a wild boar, he is a lord, he is a free person. He can say that every evening at it business, to come in 10 or in 11... And it is normal, and it is norm. And his mother will hint that I have to be happy that he does not smoke and even, my God, he does not drink! Does not beat me and brings home a salary, and on days off carries out almost all the time on a sofa when I want to leave where - nibud together all family.
But so happens not always, and all of us - walk and we go to friends, leaving the son to the grandmother, my mother! And it is possible, everything will change, to my son already 1,9 soon. It will go to a garden soon, and I will go for work, and I will not have feeling of inferiority for the apartment untidy in time or an unprepared dinner any more...