In anticipation of changes of
Expectation of appearance of the child is a way of nine months. During this time future parents need to be prepared psychologically for roles of “father“ and “mother“, new to themselves to take a way roditelstvo self-assured.Be ready
Process of preparation for a role of parents can be divided on psychological, social, intellectual and household speak rapidly.
Psychological preparation is a development of the internal parental position assuming the positive attitude towards the child and readiness to assume responsibility for his education and development.
Social preparation for a roditelstvo is a knowledge and acceptance of the social installations living in a certain nation, a social and occupation layer, family traditions. If before pregnancy young people could not think of these questions, then now this information often finds them through stories and lectures of the family and acquaintances.
Intellectual preparation for a role of parents assumes information search about that, how exactly it is necessary to look after the child as it is necessary to bring up it. As a rule, the main ways for intellectual preparation is a reading literature (books and magazines), viewing of telecasts, and also visit of special courses (both prenatal, and postnatal).
Household preparation for a role of parents assumes definition of possible changes in the household sphere and development of new arrangements between spouses, definition of new spheres of duties and responsibility.
psychologically to be prepared for a role of mother Prepares, the woman needs time. And this period is not limited for 9 months of expectation. Perhaps, it is a life long way, mother matures, changes and becomes wiser together with the child. But the waiting time of the child is very important in order that “maternal start“ was as it is possible for the best.
One of the most important stages in formation of the maternal relation is the beginning of stirs of a fruit. During this period there is so-called “a phenomenon double I“: the woman begins to identify the child as something existing, separate of her, but at the same time continues to perceive him as part of.
One more of important stages in preparation for a role of mother is a “syndrome of nesting“. It is directed to preparing “nest“ for the kid. The woman has a requirement to make repair or to update an interior that in it it was comfortable to the baby; to buy “dowry“: clothes, bed, carriage, objects of hygienic leaving etc.
Before the childbirth there comes very important stage in formation of a maternal position, so-called “low start“. At this time the woman can speak (and it is frequent - and to think) only about the questions connected with childbirth and future care of the child. It seems that she is not interested in more any problems that often offends husbands. But this period is necessary, the woman as much as possible concentrates soon to get into the role, new to it.
How to be prepared for a role of mother?
- Ask the mother, and also the mother-in-law on what children you with the husband were in the childhood. Consider children`s photos. Perhaps, you heard many stories already many times, but now you will begin to find in them a special charm.
- present the kid to already given rise More often. Let your imagination draw to you pictures of the happy future: the beautiful room, bed, the kid in nice suits whom you hold at the breast. Ability to concentrate on such pictures is also a fine way to cope with alarms.
- Try to make your husband the interested partner in pregnancy. Tell it about visits of the doctor, you go whenever possible together to ultrasonography - researches, offer for reading of article from magazines and the Internet. Tell about the alarms and pleasures.
- Study the literature connected with leaving and education of children (magazines for parents, books). Knowing the theory, you will feel more surely.
- Talk with kindly the adjusted girlfriends who already became mothers. Let not all problems be still clear to you - these stories will help you to be adjusted on the necessary wave.
- Sign up for courses of preparation for childbirth. Skilled doctors and psychologists will help you to get confidence: at you everything will turn out!
Psychologists and psychoanalysts claim that to pregnant women there is only no one of two in couple - both partners “are pregnant“ always. The man, as well as the woman, intensively endures this state and also prepares for a role of the father. Sometimes it occurs unevidently for the partner, but process all the same goes. Of course, everything begins with the moment when the man learns that he will be a father. However, the first emotions can sometimes be not too light, and in them the confusion can prevail. In this case the man should give time that he adapted to new “situation“.
For the man long time the image of the child continues to remain abstract therefore entry into a role of the father goes slightly more slowly, than at future mothers. An opportunity to see the kid by means of ultrasonography - researches, and also emergence of clear stirs which he can feel is especially important for future fathers, having put a hand on the wife`s stomach.
It is good when the man takes the responsibility: chooses together with the spouse maternity hospital and option of childbirth (joint or not), it is ready to help the woman during the periods of “a nesting syndrome“, willingly takes literature on pregnancy, childbirth and education of children in hand.
the Family Prepares is a special system, and preparation for a roditelstvo does not consist of separate podgotovka of mother and father. To be good parents is also to be able to interact with each other in this role. And spouses will actively study this all first year after the child`s birth. This period and is called - “crisis of the first year of birth of the child“. Why he seldom passes the families expecting the firstborn? Because till the birth of the child of the spouse know only two roles - “husband“ and “wife“. At once after the birth they acquire the new statuses of “mother“ and “father“. They can have an ideal internal spirit and psychological preparation, but at the same time not to be ready to interaction with each other. Why does that happen? It is all about a different set of expectations. Often these expectations have the social nature (for example, are reflected in national traditions of spouses, their family ways). To deal with mutual expectations is a social part of preparation for a roditelstvo.
So, the woman has following expectations:what
- mother (i.e. it) has to be strong>; what
the man has a similar set of expectations:
- what the father (i.e. it) has to be strong>;
- what; what
- ; what
at spouses in the childhood, in a parental family, and possess big firmness. Since all four couples of expectations extremely seldom coincide, problems, as a rule, arise. Let`s illustrate it on an example. Young mother can think: “The real father has to, having come home, to take on the child`s hands because has to understand that I was tired. It should not lie on a sofa and have a rest because I need the help, and I was tired not less it“. And the husband has an opposite belief:“ The real mother has to look after the child because I as the real father, has to go to work, provide existence and I can have a rest in the evening in front of the TV. And it should not me interfere in it“.
of Mutual “grinding in“ when the kid was born not to avoid, it is process of development of rules for your own family. And in your forces to make this process much less traumatic and much more partner!to begin to work as
I on it it is necessary even during expectation of the child.
How to help itself to take a partner position in a roditelstvo (recommendations to both spouses):
- Talk about what parents at each of you. You remember that, at least, at the beginning the husband will try to be such as his father, and from the spouse will wait that she will be similar to his mother. The woman will “copy“ in many respects behavior of the mother, and from the husband to wait for fatherly behavior. Remember that none of us are relieved of the stereotypes enclosed in us.
- Execute training exercise. Take the handle and paper, and let each of you will write the expectations on 4 positions described above. While you make the lists, do not talk with each other, it will be better if you are in different parts of the apartment. At both from you not less than 5 - 6 statements in each point have to turn out. Then compare what turned out. Discuss what expectations concerning another exist at each of you. Try to reach agreement on the main points. Write the new, general list of statements.
- At discussion of the questions connected with execution of parental functions not “pull a blanket on yourself“. If future mother defends only the position, including opinion of the spouse absolutely unacceptable, then it or will force the spouse to use cunning and to agree externally (“if only did not worry, it the pregnant woman“), and disputes after the birth of the child will break out with a new force. Or the spouse will borrow oboronitelno at once - an aggressive position, and crisis will begin to be developed. Remember that the best position is the position of cooperation allowing each of the parties to appear in a situation “won - won“. Of course, it demands big expenses of a step and respect for another, but the result is worth it.
we Prepare intelligently
That the mature parental position was created, intellectual preparation is necessary. The people armed with knowledge, at least still theoretical can feel more surely. What do future parents can and have to learn, reading books and magazines, watching telecasts and attending courses of preparation for childbirth?
- needs to be learned, the newborn how exactly looks. Sometimes future mothers and fathers represent the newborn a “picture“ pink-checked chubby baby doll. And at the moment when the child is born, there is an effect of “shock from reality“, it turns out that to the newborn it is far to a standard of picture beauty. Therefore future parents need to foreknow that just born child is covered with greasing that skin he at all not exactly - pink color that eyes open badly so far, and can have an uneven head of - for mobility of bones of a skull which were displaced at the time of delivery - its first serious test. And to remember that after a while it it will become valid very nice!
- needs to be learned about methods of care of the newborn and the baby. Surely read literature on how it is necessary to look after the kid in the first months after the birth. From it you for certain learn that the newborn baby cries much (but not because to him it is bad but because crying is an only way to express the desires), often asks to eat (possibly, each 45 minutes), likes to be at mother on hands. You learn how to bathe the kid and how to look after his gentle skin. You will read about preventive inoculations, how it is necessary to work if the child gets sick. Read books and magazines about care of the kid while nine months of expectation last. After the kid is born, there will almost be no time left for reading.
- needs to be learned about how to adjust long breastfeeding. Mother`s milk - an ideal product for the kid, it has the most comfortable temperature, contains all nutrients and vitamins, and also immune bodies necessary for the kid.
- Sign up for courses of preparation for childbirth. Comprehensive programs are constructed so that to give future parents necessary information, to instill confidence in the forces, to begin development of skills which will be necessary when the kid is born. Visit of such courses (on researches of scientists) very positively influences both behavior of the woman in labor, and on more successful adaptation of spouses to a role of parents.
That the boat did not crash against life
the Birth of the child bears many changes in the household sphere of a family. And to them it is necessary to be ready that fight against life did not cover happiness of a roditelstvo. What changes are?
- Change of the material income. If earlier in a family both spouses worked, for example, then now the man has to bear all responsibility for the family budget on himself. Often it causes alarm in both spouses. In this case it is necessary to sit down and with the calculator in hands to consider as far as expenses in connection with the child`s birth can increase. As a rule, this increase not too considerable. Yes, several large expenditure (a carriage, a bed etc.) are necessary to you but monthly expenses increase not so strongly, especially if mother nurses the child. Call to the aid experience of your friends who already became parents. When you count the probable income and expenses, you or will calm down, having understood what will be enough money, or you will need to solve a problem of increase in the income. But anyway, “who is warned, that is armed“.
- of Change in housekeeping. The young couple needs to be ready to what with the birth of the child of duties at each of them will become more, and that were, it will be necessary to redistribute. Now hands which would hold the kid while he is awake will be almost constantly necessary. And it means that mother, being at home one with the child the most part of day, will not be able to remake that mass of usual things which carried out earlier. And it, and future father it is necessary to be ready to the fact that there will be changes in food (dishes will become simpler, and it is possible, the man should prepare periodically most). Perhaps, the level of “order“ will be not such as earlier, if at mother minute of rest when the child sleeps drops out, it is better to spend it for restoration of forces, but not for fight against a disorder. The father needs to be ready to showing the big help and in this aspect.
- of Change of a rhythm of life. Future parents need to be ready to the fact that the child makes changes and to a habitual daily routine. He wants to eat both in the afternoon, and at night. And even when breastfeeding (and especially at artificial) from the father the night help which he will have to can be required it is ready to provide. Perhaps, young mother day will seem infinitely long, and expectation of the husband from work will become “an event of day“. It occurs from - for adaptations to new life, from - for the fact that now the woman begins to feel sharp shortage of communication. Therefore the man needs to redistribute the time for the bigger help to the wife, and also not to forget about importance of the gentle, interested communication with it.
- the Help and readiness to accept it. Sometimes relatives (grandmothers and grandfathers) are ready to give help in care of the child or in household questions. Surely think over together with the spouse and the family what actual volume of the help can be not to amuse itself with unrealistic hopes. Remember that even if the help will be has some, you should not take offense. Accept any help and in any volumes. Even two-hour walk on one of the weekend to which the grandmother with the grandson will go can be good unloading for young mother.
, the most important what future and newly made parents should remember, so it what at the beginning of any way always happens hardly. And the beginning of a roditelstvo is accompanied by many difficulties. Numerous skills and avtomatizm are not developed yet, remains questions too much (“Why it is such?“, “Why he behaves anyway?“, whether “Correctly we arrive when...?“). It is impossible to provide everything sl in advanceozhnost also to be prepared for them. Therefore, perhaps, the main thing is a good will which will allow you to agree, discuss and help each other, and also confidence that gradually everything will be adjusted, and you will surely cope!
Use time which remained before childbirth to discuss questions of cooperation between you as parents. Of course, it does not guarantee that you will have no conflicts. But preliminary preparation is a weapon in fight against misunderstanding. It is important that spouses opposed a problem, but not each other. You learn to overcome problems, and this experience very much will help you to develop mature and wise parental positions.