Educational alarms, or the Child under a press of
“Mothers, and at us is Olga Ivanovna today upset came to a lesson. Speaks, came on a market before work, and there her former best schoolgirl trades in buckwheat. Ma, and unless so is?“ Trying to answer honestly a children`s question, I carry honestly out monitoring of destinies of the former schoolmates.
Yes, it turns out, differently happens. Experience shows that results of study at school - not the main factor of further vital success in the standard material understanding. At each person the, on anybody not the similar schedule of development: bad pupils are geniuses, and child prodigies lack vital forces for creative longevity. Einstein and Mozart`s notorious examples repeat again and again. But we persistently want to see the children excellent students. Or at least it is not worse than others! And others are different.
On - to the adult is not understood
U someone from school students aspiration to meet expectations of adults, the desire to be good takes away such huge vital resource in the childhood that then all life there is a wish to have a rest. Especially try at school of the girl at which both the nature, and traditional education put requirement to be pleasant, including to teachers and parents. The same children who are not too concerned by their approval or has the abilities which were not demanded at school, subject, as a rule, to the most various additional educational actions. Sometimes it is the thought-over measures, sometimes just splashes in despair of adults. Whether there are these attempts productive or it is only about removal of uneasiness and sense of guilt of excessively responsible parents? You will be here in despair: one children study well without any participation of adults, and others...Searches of arguments in favor of good study steadily lead
to threats of poverty and the low status in the future. Parents try to impose the adult fears to the child in addition to his nurseries. If you want to manipulate competently fears, so use real, for example anger or chagrin of the teacher and parent (works at younger age), the status among age-mates at teenagers... The intimidated person is always well operated, however, only when performing primitive tasks - such as school. And further let matures, let will overcome the fears. If it turns out.
As a rule, the child is not able to understand and estimate future benefits of education, it did not create the mechanism of anticipation, forecasting yet. That children`s spontaneity is and there is life in the present, here and now. The far, adult future most often cannot be motive of interest in study for the school student. It is wrong to count on it.If the child persistently does not want to study
, to appeal to his consciousness, appealing to adult values, it does not make sense, and here it is possible to spoil the relations, to worsen mutual understanding on for the rest of the life. The child is capable, realizing the weakness and dependence on the adult, to pretend that he thinks of the future, but often it is deception of others or itself. Agreeing with parents, he or wants to be pleasant to them, to keep good relations, or lost hope that it will be understood.
Therefore if study became a problem, is not shameful “to entice“, especially younger and average school student, momentary benefits and encouragement. For everyone they, individual. It is necessary to choose them, not only considering character of children, but also correcting it.
Here a problem for the reader. Let`s assume, the child is efficient, mercantile, inclined to use people. You offer it, taking into account these qualities demanded today in adulthood, material remuneration for good marks. It can work.
Possible forecast: you will bring a pragmatism to full cynicism, refusal of other values, except material. It will impoverish both a range of pleasures, and the identity of the child, deforms system of values, can make inaccessible completeness of feelings. It is better to award such young businessman in a different way: joint walk, the movie, excursion there where it wants, but not you, day of disobedience, the game “You Are a Chief“.If the child is on the contrary excessively romantic, too detached
from real life, then, perhaps, it is worth acquainting him with economic concepts in practice, having established tariffs for concrete achievements in study - it will only broaden horizons. But here that will suit your successor - it is the main issue, and the answer depends on family values, on intelligence of models of family educational behavior. It is impossible to adjust them under imposed by someone governed, each family is unique.
Often the reason of bad progress. Without being conscious, they “eat“ a mental resource of the school student, to it becomes not before study, and he does not know why. The sensitive teacher, the expert - the psychologist, lucky coincidence - the book, the movie, conversation with the stranger will be able to unblock abilities of such child.
Parents - too significant, and therefore often straining figures for the child. If they let know that study of the successor does not suit them, it means only one for him: with me something not so, I did not meet expectations, I am worse than others, the feeling of inferiority natural, inherent in any of us amplifies, the alarm fed by inquiries and discontent of adults and also the fact that the child, as well as all of us, guilty, badly understands himself grows...to
express these negative feelings at all differently: at someone it is hatred to school, at another - sense of guilt before parents, at the third - bravado and roughness, leaving from unpleasant in different forms, including diseases and so-called school neurosises... To distinguish a root of a problem can be difficult to all participants of “educational alarm“.
A how to bring up, will be asked by good parents, really not to pay attention to study? Well, you have it and it will not turn out unless at the price of suppression of own disturbing feelings that too will not add health. Of course, to pay attention, to worry, but not instead of the child, and together with it, to support him, to grieve and rejoice together with the child, to share his feelings concerning estimates, but not to act as the controller and the supervisor.it is the best of all than
- a long curious nose
it is Always ridiculous when ask: how you force the children to read very much? Or to jump through classes? It is convinced: it is impossible to force the person to sleep, read, love, eat - as it is necessary, with pleasure... Stop, look back - whether not too you were fond of administration in the relations with the child? You do not know other educational tools, except coercion? But it is possible to play, use natural reactions, to interest. It is the best of all to use natural inquisitiveness, of course.you do not trust
? But any parent will agree that children are dangerously inquisitive, indecently curious - it in them is put initially. Risking to arouse mistrust again, I will persistently claim: informative requirement - one of the most powerful at the child! Other question what “compulsion“ will even turn a sexual instinct into an unpleasant duty, and, I hope, nobody doubts its naturalness? Sometimes bad study - an indicator that the school student has hobbies, abilities which were not demanded in the course of study.to
No offense meant to school, but there needs only good memory yes a legible handwriting. As if strongly the first grader`s eyes, as if well burned with inquisitiveness parents and specialists of preschool institutions created at him notorious psychological readiness for school, already to the second class from these fine intentions remains little. Eyes go out, but nobody about it sounds alarm. The cognitive interest of the child remains beyond the scope of school training, it is sacrificed to an assessment, discipline!Sometimes me it seems to
that all girls liking to play in school in the childhood became teachers. They derive pleasure from the process: to give marks, to write down homework on a board, to watch a correct posture of pupils... Behind these, certainly, very necessary affairs lose essence of school - knowledge. Not knowledge as an assessment equivalent which can be shown at entrance examinations instead of the concrete sum, but knowledge as interest if you want, hobby, an entertainment, game of intelligence.
Such relation in some degree is present at younger school, but further even creative teachers, and there is a lot of them, consider as a priority - discipline, and result - an assessment. Even more often the cognitive interest is put outside brackets, do not take its existence into account. When ask: why your children jumped through classes, and I answer - to them was uninteresting to study well-known, that often I encounter misunderstanding and mistrust.
preparation, Joint with the adult, for lessons can be recommended to
Under a personal responsibility only sometimes in initial classes. The earlier the child will feel a personal responsibility for the study, the better. If parents let know that they are too interested in good study of the offspring, consequences can be different - from excessive uneasiness of the uncertain child in unconditional parental love to the normal, not deprived wisdom of a human position: for whom it is necessary more, that let and takes a steam bath. Do not take away from children of their feeling, experience and desire, at you and the are enough.
is a tragedy of many good, responsible parents: the more they try to give to the child, the less return. And the mechanism is simple: internal control is not formed as it is replaced by intensive external. It as at addicts - the pleasure comes only via the syringe, is not caused from within. It is strong, but artificial and this substitute too expensive manages. The parents who are too strongly controlling study of children promote their dependent behavior and as it can halloo in the future - it is only possible to assume. Dependence is many-sided, unpredictable, many-sided.
I small, and the adult has the right for failure. The two - first of all the child`s problem, and then already parents. If it seems that the pupil does not endure about study, most likely, this wrong impression. For many years works I did not manage to meet any such school student. Perhaps it was simply not lucky? Much even at solid age dream dreams about outstanding homework. With the children I am aggressive - our, female, verbal aggression, but never even came to mind to abuse them for bad notes: it is visible, the person and so beside himself. And how to calm parental alarm? It is better to ask: strongly you worry? And attentively to listen to the answer. It is simple to be near at a difficult moment.
When difficulties with study arise, inappropriate will propose to the pupil the ready solution: to take the tutor or work in addition most. The main task of parents - not to solve a problem instead of children, and to teach them to find the solution independently. In especially difficult situations I always ask the child: and what to do? Of course, I know what can be made. But I know as well that others experience is seldom suitable for use in finished form, everyone needs to get the. Long? Difficult? But works, unlike lectures. And if to be rather patient, not to prompt, it is possible to receive the correct answer to this problem.
Correct. The best, of course, “I can work“ or “let`s invite the tutor“. Or: “help me to control time spent at the computer“. But maybe: “and well it, this mathematics, I will arrive on historical“. Or even:“ I do not want to study“! It can be accepted too, to draw conclusions, to construct concepts of further development taking into account the real situation, to quietly explain all consequences, using phrases “it to you more often to solve“, “you are an owner of the life“, “as itself you know, I will be able to help you that - and so -“. To talk to the child is, first of all, to listen and hear. None of us start implementing someone else`s plans with delight. Let`s remember: the planned socialist economy could not compete with based on a personal enterprise initiative!
hardy stereotypes prevail Over many parents once and created by someone, but. For example, when the psychologist allowed parents of completely poor pupil not to check homework, mother nearly fainted - yes as it is possible? But the son from it does not study better, wearisome, till some hours a day joint preparation of lessons in the 7th class does not give the slightest effect, only spoils the relations, causes reciprocal aggression, parents become enemies. And it already threatens with withdrawal of the child from the house, of course, more often symbolical, and search of pleasures of life in forms, parents not approved at all, on a formula “to spite of enemies“.If the button does not work with
, you should not press it for years only because “so it is necessary“. Also know - the child here at anything, you satisfy own requirements... It is necessary to be retrained, try to look for more effective educational influences. And if you consciously choose coercion, believe in its efficiency, cannot manage, let will not be a surprise of its consequence - alienation, loss of trust of the child. Not each school student but only that at whom the psychology of the victim was already created is capable to take such violent forms of love to himself. Parents can “infect“ with alarm concerning study the offspring unconsciously.
the Daughter of my acquaintances obviously goes to far in study, from - what often supports. With the father at the girl very cordial relations, souls in each other do not hope. He, of course, is proud of the winner of all Olympic Games, but, worrying about her health, friendly consulted on me: well why the daughter so overstrains. “The most logical that can be assumed - you wants to be pleasant“. “Yes I force nothing it also to me if you want to know, her study is indifferent“. “Ugu, and you ask it every day, how are you“. “Surely!“ “And remember what you tell?“ “Well... How are you what received at school... You think, from - for it?!! And I too so was always asked. I thought, it just attention to the person... And how to speak - that?“ And it is possible to ask: as the mood or on - is American - how are you?“ As you feel,“ - if to repeat every day, can inspire alarm, only concerning health too.
Obedience is not mine
Happens that good study is constructed on fear. On fear of punishment, on fear of the future, on fear of loss of approval and love of parents. Love of parents - the main resource of the child giving all necessary for a survival: food, caress, information, emotions. There are no words, the motivation works with fear zhelezobetonno, and not only at children`s age.But, let the reader will forgive me to
for such comparison, even a dog who was frightened, beat, it is considered unsuitable for serious problems. The person with strong type of nervous system will be able to resist to fear, but the child, most likely, for this purpose is still weak. Force comes gradually. Brought up on fear, many of us for the rest of life lose ability to work independently, on a drop squeezing out from themselves the obedient child. Obedient adults are not in demand. whether
Not too high price for an opportunity to brag to acquaintances of good study of the son or daughter? Or you want that the child had success experience, experience of the winner? But it is impossible to be the winner in all sports. Look for what your child is most successful in, and already then try to support him.