As I tamed the pighead of
At once I will tell that my story was read with optimistical mood: now I have in cash (fie - fie - fie) almost gold child. He is 3,7 years old, and we with him can always agree and reach compromise. It is active, quick-witted, very sociable, benevolent.
Recently we made a trip to the husband`s relatives (many will understand me why it was important to me “not to lose face“), and in two weeks of stay there I burst with silent pride of the “clever, good“ (I quote) the child. From tutors heard only: “Everything children in group would be such - quiet, intelligent...“ But what was one and a half years ago...
Once one and a half years ago passersby had an opportunity with horror to observe the following picture. Winter. There is a young woman with a tired face and fateful determination delays freight, excessive for its growth, - two heavy grocery bags in one hand. Other hand for a hood of volume overalls drags on ice the two-year-old, shouting a bad voice red from indignation. Especially impressionable I warn - to put went on a bottom in a thick kombez on the smooth road to the house and did not receive the slightest bruise. Well, you already understood that it was I and my “gold“ child.
generally, details of the picture changed, but “weather“ on it was almost always identical - wild howl also a tired face. At our entrance several babies arose at the same time, but never from - for a thin and only iron door I heard shouts of other children. All culturally stamped with mothers on a ladder. And only we already at an entrance to an entrance declared the phenomenon... The reasons were different - not dogulyal, peregulyal, all at the same time... To find the reason - there are no problems, they quickly changed on the course, there would be a desire and air in lungs. The entrance was filled with wild cries, to put stood below and proved the until received on a bottom and again - for an unfortunate hood was not worn out home. After each slap (never knew that I such quick-tempered and hot, these nightmares with the child did not begin yet) I painfully executed myself, believing that it is inadmissible, humiliates the child and leaves a negative mark in subconsciousness for the rest of life. That time (somewhere till three with a tail rebenkiny years) I lived with two with feeling of a deep inferiority complex - I know how it “is necessary“, but nothing is impossible to me. Uncontrollable synulya all my 5 years of vigil in institute also my beautiful diploma of the children`s psychologist depreciated.
my son was very desired, first and planned child - to me was 27, and I approached the birth and education is very conscious. During rebenkiny hysterics I squated and long and culturally explained and tried to agree with it. I considered that the child needs to be brought up the free and independent personality, to respect him and to raise in him self-confidence. But my cards were deeply indifferent for it, and when from its shouts I began doubling in eyes and shutdown of brain functions, the hand again foully fell by a soft afterbirth...
Ya long reflected what I do not so. Made to itself the brochure under the name “Children`s Hysterics“ where entered all information found in the Internet. As a result the picture of the reasons of counteractions, our with the son, appeared for me approximately so. I was absolutely other child and I was brought up absolutely in a different way. I was very independent and never bothered parents, mother - the father were passive and terry introverts and were happy to plunge everyone into the cozy inner world, having provided me reasonable freedom. Therefore, in my head there was an accurate stereotype of behavior of parents - children, and at the subconscious level I was ready for the independent child.
But my son was small “chewing gum“. He demanded an every minute involvement of parents into his life. Even minute immersion in the thoughts was monitored instantly and strictly stopped. As well as telephone conversations, and communication with girlfriends, and even with the father. Speaking already about the computer! To the computer I was stolen as the guerrilla, but never managed to cross a home straight and to get to a treasured chair: it was distributed howl sirens. It let the father there - here only I did not let the father there! By the evening I was so oversaturated by the child that waited for the husband from work as a god-send.
Mutual obstinacy. At the same time I stayed in delusion that I am exclusively gentle person, and with surprise learned from the husband, as itself I go too far, altercating with the son.
Ya made our horoscopes (this my hobby acquired in the period of the decree) and understood that my son for me extremely important karmic teacher. So, and the relations our difficult, it is necessary to apply many forces and patience. What is cost by three planets in connection in a sign of the Capricorn in the son`s horoscope! Same obstinacy concentrate!
generally, now I can give several practical advice from the experience for parents of pigheads.
- to Love and accept the kid always and not just when it is “good“! It is possible to be strict, loving.
- Never to despair. The difficult child - the remarkable personality who still will please you in the future!
- to Look for the reasons of obstinacy of the child in itself, the character, the behavior. > it is constant to li to work as
- on itself, to change itself.
- to Look for new approaches in education of the child, the new ways “tamings“. to Understand
- that your child is your teacher, it came to you that you understood something new about yourself and about the world.
- not to blame itself! Sense of guilt destroys the person. Himself it is necessary to love not less child. There are circumstances which are not depending on you. Also there are periods which should be worried.
- to Unite with the husband in uniform educational system - i.e. not to allow situations when abuses one child, another indulges. The child has to know - parents it is one team and rules same.
Well and still: if the child is also attached to you, as well as mine, use it in the necessary course.
to Do some things together (actually, other exit - that and is not present) - to vacuum, wash the dishes, to rinse linen, etc. It is possible not to be limited to the house. I with the two-year-old son made out privatization of the apartment. And in the village it went with us to the wood to gather mushrooms. The main thing - to explain all importance of a situation, and children like sometimes to try to be adults.
to Buy the bright and fascinating developing games and to be engaged together. In “MEGA“ we, for example, bought “plaster bas-reliefs“ and together molded plaster figures and painted then them with gouache.
If to put the child for animated films (for us with the husband it is the only way to have a rest), then for selected by you personally. It is better to have disks or cartridges, of course. And it is better the developing and training animated films (such it is possible to download free of charge in a network now). My son, for example, very much loves “Dasha - the traveler“. There are “Khryusha and Stepashka“ training to English - 50 series, 5 parts. Twins of my friend from them not to tear off.
to walk Much. To get acquainted with new places and people.
There now, it in brief. Perhaps will help someone, and someone will just compare to the history, to the moneybox of councils. Of course, I know that ahead we have with the son still a long way, there will be difficulties, and it is not necessary to relax. But it is very fascinating and interesting way! Good luck all!