Mother`s notes in business trip of
Of course all mothers different. And little girls say that I am a mother just abnormal. Though I also came to work early when Lizik was 4 months old, probably, this early exit and let me know how strongly I love the child and as I want to be near it all the free time.
March day was the most usual and did not foretell anything new. In the morning - run for work, after work - run home. Already I anticipate as heart with feeling will joyfully be clogged that here still slightly - slightly and I will take on hands, I will embrace, I will press to myself the small doll, I will bury a nose in a fluffy hair and I will inhale such favourite native smell... And here chief`s call: “Masha, come!“
I try to capture a conversation essense At once.“ There is opportunity “, “ very interestingly “, “ in April“, “England“, “everything understand, the child, but“ and the main thing “only several days“. Of course, I agree, of course, I tell thanks, and I leave an office with the mixed feeling of pleasure and horror. And how I will leave it? Where I without it? I will take with myself! And it, and husband! I will take all, we will go together, we will not leave! House are horrified by my decision. “No, you, of course, go, such chance cannot be missed, but it is you crazy went!?“ And then is already more tender:“ Well, same only three days! You will not notice how will fly by“. At that time my daughter was 8 months old, and she ate only breast milk. Me! Always, when I was near it. And the decanted milk when I was at work. >
it Turned out p that everything, of course, is not so simple. Three days of study turned into four. And considering that planes from St. Petersburg fly to London not so often, also the whole week loomed. There - on Sunday, back - on Saturday. Even did not go in - really nothing can be thought up that also wolves are full (i.e. career does not suffer), and sheep are whole (i.e. I come back with milk, and the child will not have for the rest of life spiritual wounds). Learned about the child`s description in the passport, registration of the visa. Not to be in time. Though would tell earlier! And money for extra urgent registration turned out absolutely much. Then decided. There through Frankfurt, back through Kaliningrad. With changes. What won? Left the house not in the afternoon on Sunday, and in 4 mornings on Monday. Means, on Sunday I will lay it and though at half of the night and we will oversleep together. Yes, it will be heavy! But it is possible to worry. I big, and it am small. And I will return on Friday early in the morning, I will lay down to it under a flank and I will have a rest. She will wake up to eat at night, and mother already here...preparations Began
. The term of departure came nearer with catastrophic speed. 3 more weeks, 2 weeks, 3 days, already Friday and to leave on Sunday. I already got used to be decanted every day on 2 times at work. This milk remained next day, and mother fed Lizik in my absence, and at five o`clock I already at home, took her to a breast. Tried to decant more, but not here - that was. The child as felt a dirty trick and began to ask a breast more often. As a result I could leave milk only for 2 days and one night. The rest of the time, so will be mix which was given only once and that with the purpose to check whether will be at the child of an allergy.
In three nights phone - a taxi at an entrance rang out. Embraced and kissed the child, she loudly sighed and remained to sleep with pleasure. Put on, embraced the husband. Farewells are not necessary. We without words understood each other.
Sat down in a taxi - and as a lump in a throat. I will not feel it five more days nearby. What will be ahead? How there will take place study? How she will meet me when I return?
Arrived to the airport. One thought - to be decanted each 3 hours. The following time - in Frankfurt.
the Airport in Frankfurt, early morning. Well though, toilets pure and continually, to the people not much. It was decanted, on a habit closed a jar more densely, and then thought, opened and poured out in a sink. At this time before eyes a picture: mother costs in kitchen and prepares mix. Also the feeling of loss, already the second time since the departure moment from the house pulled hard.
had no time to shed tears, it is good though connection flight was quickly, and then twirled: passport control, landing... The German with a thick layer of cosmetics on a face who endlessly is glancing over newspapers told me something in German, probably, took for the. I did not understand and apologized in Russian... She did not understand too... Failed in a somnolence and woke up already on landing. London. Looked out of the window on ranks of accurate lodges. And so you what, London... And so a wish arose a number of the loved one that too saw that too understood... But I knew that it will be - loneliness in crowd. Mudflows, the people it began to be tightened to an exit. One more German carried the blond daughter on hands. Heart jammed again, and I turned away. Left, I went for crowd, I strongly was late and hurried. Unfortunately, delay for 3 hours and at 2 o`clock earlier departure from training on Thursday were the only guarantee of my “late“ departure and “early“ return. The head hurt for hunger and a sleep debt, the breast was broken off, but I could not lose even 15 minutes on one more decantation.“ If only to reach, there it will be easier“. Went for crowd. On the next passport control the turn was built, but there was it quickly. Here and my turn, still slightly - slightly, but the person of a tamozhennitsa changed as soon as she looked in my passport. She raised a hand and pointed to other turn at the end of the hall. There were those who in the passport had a visa. The person 50, is not less. White in it was almost not. Blacks, Hindus. Feel the stranger. I got up in the end.
of Minutes through 40 all was behind. I was met by the taxi driver, by the way, too the Hindu. Somehow to remember language, began to speak with it. Asked how many he here already lives, he answered that he is not a visitor, and was born here. On it practice of language ended.Milk everything flowed
, the head was turned. What should have been expected. At last, the hotel seemed, I looked at the watch - delay more than 3 hours. Decided that I will come, I will greet, and then I will quickly dump - I will be decanted, I will have a bite and I will be as a cucumber. To come it turned out, and to leave is not present any more. Participants there were only 8 people, and did not begin to interrupt lecture. I began to think convulsively, there was a break or just will be. I was lucky. In 5 minutes declared a break. Did not manage to rise that a bullet to take off from the room for conferences as the “chief“ lecturer approached me. Greeted and before, I began is confused to explain why was late, told:“ I know that you left the little baby to visit this course and therefore was late. Welcome“. I translated a look and saw that on me the low brown-eyed girl in a scarf and a long dress looks and smiles. Muslim. The administrator of this course who knew about the reason of my delay. At me as the stone from soul fell. Everything is good. And I left. I had 15 minutes that all to be in time.
When at the end of the day we with Iveta got to talking, it turned out that it is younger than me for 3 years, but already mother of 3 children, to the youngest year has to be executed soon. And she fed too. Also worked. Probably, at them in England too not everything is so easy.At 8 o`clock in the evening the first day of training ended with
. At us at that time was the 11th evenings, and mother put the daughter to bed. It is good that the fatigue and a constant headache dulled feelings. But the feeling of loss and the fact that something goes to lives not so did not allow to rejoice fully. And ahead there was still a dinner and not just a dinner, and in an environment of participants of a course and our trainers. It was necessary to speak, think and answer in nonnative language. When I reached number, forces remained only on that being decanted and fail in a bed. Without alarm clock. I knew that the habit to feed will not allow to sleep long at night. Already filling up, I saw a face of the daughter before eyes and knew that she sleeps already tight.
Woke up closer to 6 from pain. Held apart a breast. Having hardly torn off the wooden head from a pillow it went to a bathtub to be decanted. Again one and a half glasses of milk in a sink. But it became easier to breathe. In spite of the fact that training began in 8, I had odds in the form of the 3rd time difference in time. And it allowed though a little to have a rest. The first thought for the morning was following - the first day passed. There was 3 more. Called home, mother assured me that night passed well that Lisa did not cry but only she was surprised a little, having received at night a horn instead of a breast. And here I understood that it for mother the real torture - to appear far from the child. And even knowing that he`s fine, every second to be with it in thoughts. The forthcoming three days frightened by uncertainty, expectation and melancholy.
Training was very interesting, 12 hours a day past quickly. All coffee - breaks had to be spent for decantation. All colleagues on training were already aware of the fact that I am a nursing mother, and showed direct interest, told about the children. And I could not speak in non-study time about something, except the child. The people, especially Iveta with whom we became friends belonged to it with understanding. “the invited dinner“ was p>
When in the second day, and we got to talking with one of our lecturers, by the way the father of 4 children and already the grandfather, he told: “Do not worry, she will not remember it or will quickly forget, actually now to her all the same“. I wanted to ask: “And I will forget?“ But I understood that he me does not understand that he knows nothing about the imprinting period, and, probably, you should not spend forces to try to explain him it. The indignation wave - “all the same“ rolled? As it:“ all the same“? All my maternal being shouts that not all the same that she though small, but misses me. I precisely know.
in the Morning I woke up from the same breast pain. But morally it became easier for me. Already there passed a half. The next 2 days passed in expectation of the end. Also began returns. Thursday afternoon I had content from the passed examination, from the taken course. From the fact that everything comes to an end. I said goodbye to all and left earlier. On the street I was waited by the same driver.
Ya went back and considered London in a taxi window. Surely I will arrive here properly, for several days, with a family to take a walk in the center, to see Big Ben and the Thames... Departed from Getvik, just huge airport. When sat and, as usual, it was decanted in the room of mother and child, the Black woman came. Behind the back of it the peanut, same black, in ringlets sat. He stared at me ozornyushchy eyes. We got to talking, it turned out that to her son already 9 months and that he is a little more senior than Lizik. It as that in a special way did with it usual manipulations (for example, fed, having just inclined over it), and then also dexterously threw it on zakorka and left. I with grief looked with it in a trace. I had a feeling that I did not see the child the whole eternity.
At last, declared landing to Kaliningrad. Went along infinite corridors to the specified exit. And, at last, saw the. In total person 10. Put in almost empty Boeing. At once it did not turn out to switch, and when the Russian stewardess distributed candies before take-off, told her “Thank you“. She did not pay attention. Everything was already closer to the house. In Kaliningrad the familiar situation - passport control, dirty toilets met. This time did not begin to pour out milk. The jar was filled under a neck. And suddenly it is useful?
On check of things me was stopped.
is your bag?I Answer
in the affirmative.
- What for liquid you carry?
- my breast milk.
could not hide irony.
I See the puzzled person of a tamozhennitsa. She for a moment looks down on my breast, slides a look on all figure. Bewilderment on a face amplifies. Probably, to nobody, having looked at me, would not come to mind that I am a nursing mother.
- Where your child?
- Houses, waits for me.
- Without child it is impossible.
- And what I will feed at home with? - I ask, already understanding that I talk nonsense.It attentively watches
at me and leaves. Several minutes talk behind the closed door to other lady in shape.
Leaves and speaks quietly and wearily:- you Pass
I Thank and I pass in a waiting room. Soon already departure. For some reason do not declare landing. I look at the watch with local time - hour of a difference! Means, to wait for an hour more! One more hour of separation!
At last, declare landing, and the plane, at last, takes off. On the dot according to the schedule. And I so was afraid that flight will be delayed.Peter met
by a rain. Already behind a door of the airport. The familiar driver meets. It turned out that already draw bridges, and it is necessary to go to a detour. And here I was attacked by garrulity, and I begin to tell greedily it about England, its inhabitants, training... He with surprise looks at me. Did not expect such garrulity. Yes I and did not expect from myself.
we Drive up to the house. Three o`clock in the morning. We say goodbye, and I rise home. I open a door. I approach a bed. The daughter with pleasure sleeps. Lies on a favourite left side, having thrown back a head and having slightly opened a mouth. It seemed to me such big. As though grew. I stand and I look. Also I wait. Thought, I will cry, and there are no tears. Just I look at it. I do not maintain, I take on hands and I bring to a breast. Hands badly obey. Really already forgot? What was done by so many times for 8 months!the Child discontentedly grumbled
and was curved, having stretched. I kiss it and I give a breast. Usually she sucks in a dream and sleeps farther, but here she opens eyes and looks at me. And suddenly in a second smiles and stretches to me hands. Means remembers! Probably, here it is happiness.read
Ya that after separation the child does not release mother anywhere and pursues it practically on heels. To me was it practically not to leave, and several days we did not leave, and in her behavior I did not notice a difference. She loves me as well as before.
Ya wanted to draw conclusions from this history, but they it is impossible to me. All mummies different. Perhaps, someone will not understand me and will regard it as sentimental nonsense. I meet sometimes articles where it is written that mummies have a requirement to have a rest and leave from the child. I do not understand them. As, probably, some will not understand also me.
After this trip I entered the child in the international passport. So, just in case, though any trips also did not shine in the future. But, as they say, “the ball comes to the player“. A month ago: “Masha, come“, “an excellent opportunity“, “in September“, “Spain“. The fact sounds incredibly, but. Only now I know precisely one. We go together. With the husband and the daughter.