Father`s daughters of
the Man who is independently raising children - the phenomenon not too widespread. But nevertheless families such are, and, by estimates of sociologists, now their quantity increases. The psychologist Svetlana Iyevleva tells about advantages and problems of “fatherly“ families.Psychologists are sure by
: the man who faced need alone to raise children, appears in more difficult situation, than the lonely woman. Also put here not only that most of men are not able to erase, prepare, to clean, swaddle etc. It can learn. Much more difficult are psychological problems. How to cope with them?
- When acquaintances learn that I one bring up the daughter, at once they are going to feel sympathy and compassion, - Alexander, the single father admits. - And if I explain that with Aniny mother everything is all right - she is live, healthy and after divorce lives in other city where at her it is better than a condition for work, - all are simply shocked. “How it can be what mother is not engaged in own child?“, “As the man can bring up the girl?“ - approximately I hear such remarks constantly - both from relatives, and from employees, and even from the daughter`s teachers. But I got used, and for me in such situation there is nothing strange.
Often happens that changes in life happen quicker, than we begin to realize them. And changes which are a part of the life of the modern person are so prompt and global that will be perceived as an aberration for a long time. It is difficult to present that at people views of such traditional things as a family, a role of the man and woman, education of children can change, but... it now also occurs.
In the modern world the man and the woman become more and more similar at each other - both appearance, and the device of an inner world. We equally seek for professional achievements and material success, our steel very similar the moral principles. Sociologists are sure: women who see the main objective care of the husband and children consign to the past, as well as men who were traditionally responsible for material security of a family, and therefore sought for professional achievements. It also is the main reason for the fact that the number of lonely fathers around the world increases. Of course, situations when the man remains without wife, can be the most different, but if 10 - 20 years ago children in most cases were charged to grandmothers or other relatives, then now fathers are ready also to be engaged in their education.Fatherlike education
is As if strange
for people around the family consisting of the father and the daughter looked, in some questions it is even more successful, than a family in which mother one brings up the son. the Father can be quiet
- for the fact that the girl will receive an example of female behavior - even if it is brought up by it from the earliest age. Tutors in kindergarten, teachers at school - almost always women, the senior generation for 75% is presented by grandmothers, and it is already enough to provide to the girl communication with representatives of the floor. And here mother who is bringing up the boy should think of whom the child will follow an example.
- the Lonely father - almost always the choice of the man. The woman, having been left without husband, endures the situation much stronger and more seeks to change it. Both that, and another can take the forms very adverse for a family and children. Men, whether owing to features of the mentality whether because know that their opportunities to creation of a family do not decrease with age at all, transfer loneliness much more quietly and more feel in such situation happy. Result - “father`s“ children suffer from neurotic frustration and violations of behavior much less often, than children of lonely mother.
- the Children who are brought up the man are more balanced, quiet also for other reason. Presence of the father raises the status of the child among peers, gives it feeling of confidence. All know how children concerning that whose father is higher, stronger and better argue. If “to translate“ these disputes into psychology language, then they sound approximately so:“ I have a father, he is authoritative for people around therefore it will be able always to protect me“.
of the Problem: to provide and cope!
- So turned out that I one bring up the daughter since it went to the first class, - Nikolay says. - At first everything was good. Teachers treated me with understanding, tried to help. But the daughter becomes more senior, the it is more at me than problems with people around. I am often called in school though the child studies well, and the school psychologist, the sociologist and someone there still constantly talk to the daughter... Openly do not speak to me, but it is sometimes felt that I am suspected of some aberration. Such situation seems to me offensive and unfair, to the woman who is bringing up alone the son, the relation happens more than tolerant. Nobody doubts its sexual adequacy and educational abilities.
It is, perhaps, one of the most considerable difficulties for modern fathers - the statement of the right to live as they consider it necessary. But it is, of course, not only. What else difficulties single fathers and girls whom they bring up should face?
- If the man remained one as a result of some drama history (change from the wife, her leaving), then it can keep in soul negative feelings very long. And mistrust to one woman can extend to all female half of mankind. And in a family it surely will be shown to be felt rather at the unconscious level. The girl in that case will get a low self-assessment and the distorted idea of how it is necessary to behave.
- the Opposite situation when the man idealizes mother of the child, convinces us that everything is good moderately, even love. Hearing constantly that mother was (as such relation more often happens to the deads) the best woman on light - the most beautiful, clever, talented, - the girl can get the real inferiority complex which will complicate all her private life. The girl gets the first experience of communication with men, communicating with own father. From it she hears words about the appeal, about the merits, and gets confidence that all this will be appreciated also by other men.
- the Girl who is brought up by the father often experiences too big strain. And the speech not only that it should undertake daily cares of the house. The matter is that the atmosphere in a family by and large depends on women - it is caused by their emotionality, openness and speech activity. For the adult woman does not represent special work to support houses a positive emotional spirit is a natural part of its existence in a family. But the schoolgirl herself still needs warmth, support, care. Therefore responsibility for the sincere atmosphere in a family can become for it too heavy freight.
- Living with the father, the girl early begins to acquire all subtleties of man`s behavior. It, apparently, is good, has to help with relationship with an opposite sex further. However often it turns out that too “sober“ attitude towards men deprives the girl of romanticism, prevents it to fall in love really. At advanced age she will become the beautiful wife and mother, but will treat the partner indulgently. And it, of course, can prevent the relations in a family.
- the set of opinions on whether the father has to participate in sexual education of the daughter Is: from full frankness before ignoring of this subject. Truth, probably, as always, in the middle. It is worth answering specific questions kindly and tactfully, but everything is absolutely optional, as for floor questions, the girl has to learn from the father. There are special books and programs which perfectly inform and help to avoid awkwardness, natural to such situations.
I the last. Whatever remarkable tutor was a father, nevertheless the best that he can make for the daughter, - to establish a full family.