The diary of adoption
at School for foster parents to us asked
a question About the decision, secret and surrounding people as we came to the decision to take the child. And it became interesting to me to analyse own life from this point of view. As making decision on adoption is closely connected with the solution of a question of that, to keep or not secret of adoption, I did not begin to divide these two questions.the First conscious knowledge that parents can raise children to whom they did not give birth was received by
from own grandmothers and great-grandmothers. The great-grandmother and the great-grandfather, besides two children, grew up one more boy who had them whether the nephew, whether still some distant relative. He died at the front during the Great Patriotic War.
Still my parents had a familiar couple. The woman had a child from first marriage when they got married, the man adopted her child, then they gave birth to the general child. When they divorced, he paid the alimony for two of children. Told about it absolutely quietly as about something natural, and me, probably, it was apprehended as something absolutely normal, and I was still a preschool child.
B one of summer camps in our group, that is there was an opportunity to communicate, talk. There is no bright impression left any feeling which is not issued in words, but, probably, too played a role in adoption of the decision by me.At teenage age I took
ballroom dances in a circle in the regional House of pioneers. Sometimes we participated in patronage concerts. Once we gave such concert in orphanage. The impression was even not awful, but some oppressing. A concert took place in the assembly hall. We above, on a scene, girls in bright suits, in shoes on heels, with a make-up and brilliant costume jewelry, young men in snow-white shirts with ties “butterfly“, in black, strict breed overalls. And below in the hall gray, shaven-headed and faceless weight rather edinoliky. From above, from a scene, it was difficult even to understand where boys and where girls. And this uniform person did not express any emotions.
my mother sheltered the daughter of the acquaintance as she familiar strongly drank and if she does not change me memory, at any moment turned out the daughter.
my sister to me not consanguineous and not uterine, she is a daughter from the previous marriage of my stepfather, but from it it did not become me less native.
A the uncle told me that when his blood daughter there were years six, they wanted to adopt the child. But the daughter then told that she does not want the brother or the sister, and they gave up this thought. And now the uncle sometimes thinks that, maybe, and it would be worth adopting.
the Family of the schoolmate of my chetveroyurodny sister invited on a visit the boy from orphanage, and then issued guardianship. And all family of soul in it does not hope.
I, of course, movies, such as “Eudoxia“, “Gipsy“, “Godfather“, “Mother and the stepmother“, “I hope for you“... Both books, and fairy tale. Now not to remember all names.to what I all this tell
K? To the fact that for me the subject of adoption / guardianship was not secret. Since the childhood for me it was part of my normal world. Yes, it is unconditional, parents should not throw the children or behave so that children from them were taken away. But, if so it turned out that there are children without parents, then it is necessary to correct it - this normally.
on January 25. After work went, received an extract from the house register and the copy of personal account. If it is not useful for adoption, then it is useful for an apartment exchange.
on January 31. Handed over inquiry in ZITs Ministry of Internal Affairs. Told to call after February 20. The employee accepting inquiries told what references do month, a plus-minus ten days. Distances a piece of paper with a phone number and number of inquiry. I arrived minutes for 10 - 15 before the termination of a lunch break, the turn was small, but when began reception of applications and issue of references, the turn mixed up, as a result I stood minutes forty.
on February 11. Took one day which remained from last year`s holiday at work unpacked a form of medical certificate from the Internet and went on clinics. Previously rang round all clinics, learned business hours and on a Moscow map looked where they are. As a result developed a route according to business hours and location. In a tubdispanser ordered to bring fluorography. Drove in policlinic to which we are attached from work, and very quickly received result on hands.
the First. The doctor accepted from 9:00 till 11:00, I arrived at 8:30, stayed in turn 2 hours. Almost all turn sat at recipes on preferential drugs (hurrah monetizations!) . When I at last got to an office, the doctor (the manager of office) looked at result of fluorography, felt a breast, asked when I was at the gynecologist last time. Signed a form, explained where to set the seal. The seal was set without problems.Kozhno`s
- a venereologic clinic. It was necessary to go to branch which does inspections for medical books. I come, to the people is not present, aunts stir. I give a form of the medical conclusion. The woman who is registry looks in the form and asks me what organization paid for me, or I will pay. Having understood that to read heading on that paper which it holds is higher than its forces, I say that to me for adoption. Right there registraturny tone changes on human. Report that for me it will be free, explain where to pass.
are Quickly taken by analyses (dab and blood). When the doctor learns that I need it for adoption, asks whether I adopt the relative. When I say what is not present, not the relative, says that I am a good fellow, and wishes good luck. It is possible to come for result on Tuesday, February 15. Even allow me to come not to business hours.
Third - a narcological clinic. Turn - two persons, wait for minutes fifteen. The doctor signs the form in the beginning, and then asks to show veins. I show, I explain that one trace from a prick - it the therapist sent me to biochemistry, plus ultrasonography, plus the cardiogram. The chief physician set the seal at once, without questions when read form heading.
became the Fourth tubercular. There is no turn. But in weight personnel very impolite. The signature was put without problems, but to set the seal, it was necessary to wait in a reception at the chief physician of minutes for twenty. The chief physician only put the signature, and behind the press it was necessary to go to other office without identification marks and with a heavy metal door with the broken handle. Eventually, the press received. By the way, the doctor and the nurse did not read a cap on the form and were sure that it is necessary to me for work.
I the last, psychoneurological is a circus. The registry sent in 14 - y an office (I had then an impression that they send all only to this office). In an office only the nurse sat, the doctor left. It was necessary to wait for nearly half an hour. At last the doctor came into an office, at the same time she continuously spoke by the mobile phone so it was necessary to wait even minutes for five until the office left the nurse and asked that it is necessary for me. Took my passport and went back to an office. In a few minutes left, gave the passport, took the form of the medical conclusion. In two minutes took out the form with the signature of the doctor. Explained where an office of the chief physician as the press only at her.
Went to the chief physician, the door is locked, but is heard that someone speaks by phone. When knocked (it was necessary to knock long enough) the chief physician in “civilian“ jumped out. I explained that I need to set the seal. In reply she began to shout that it has visiting days (two times a week for two hours, and not today). I continued to insist, then it proorat that it personally has to read my map before setting the seal. I told that I have no card as I do not consist at them on the account. She shout asked from what office I was sent to it, and at a cruiser speed jerked in 14 - y an office.
From - for doors of this office very loud voice of the chief physician thus explaining to a careless vrachikha was heard (her subordinate, by the way) that the question goes about adoption, it is very heavy responsibility etc. with variations. (I absolutely agree that to the work it is necessary belongs responsibly, but it is also absolutely sure that - patients it is necessary to talk to clients politely.)
Having left this office, the chief physician, on my question: “To me - what now to do?“, condescended to explain that I should start the card in registry and with me the doctor will have a talk. The sweetest registratorsha drank tea, but came off, though not at once, from this occupation and moved for a desktop. But, at this moment, at an office door the woman in outerwear glanced, and they began to discuss the affairs with registratorshy selflessly. It was necessary to interrupt them that did not cause their delight, but yielded necessary result.
With the card of a potopal in 14 - y an office. Having come there, I took an interest: “Your chief physician has a bad day today, or she is always such?“ How the doctor and the nurse answered me that today, probably, unsuccessful day, it such always. Young and quite pleasant doctor frankly did not know what with me to speak about. But very much tried. Very much was surprised, having learned that there is a School for foster parents. At the end of conversation recommended to come for the press in other day.
on February 15. Went to KVD branch, received the signature. Behind the press it was necessary to go to their main building, but the seal was set quickly, without turns, without problems and without questions.
on February 17. Asked for leave in the afternoon from work and went behind the press to a psychoneurological clinic. The chief physician got sick - just a gift! The seal was set by the deputy chief physician, young, but too important look. Did not believe me that round stamp of establishment is necessary, to what is written on the form of medical certificate - too. Set the seal only after I referred to agencies of guardianship. Nonsense!
on February 21. Called ZITs Ministry of Internal Affairs. The reference is not ready. Told to call on Thursday, February 24.
on February 24. Rang ZITs Ministry of Internal Affairs. Told that these numbers are not ready yet, ordered to call next week.
on February 28. Again I ring ZITs. The reference is ready. Hurrah!
on March 4. By 9:00 in the morning went to ZITs Ministry of Internal Affairs. Before me there were only two persons. At 9:10 already received the reference.
on March 11. The infectiologist with visible pleasure subscribed on the form and wished all the best. Joyfully jumped to the therapist, she, it is very successful for me, conducted inclusion in the same morning. At the therapist spent literally five minutes, and with wishes of good luck and a detailed explanation where to find the chief physician and to set the seal, rushed further.
the Secretary of the chief physician - courtesy. The chief physician in business trip, but is his deputy. The deputy was even more kind than the secretary. Both began to advise to take the girl and to wish good luck. Well, this day to me nazhelat so much good luck what I hope, to me for a long time will last (maybe on the second child?) .
on March 17. Handed over documents in guardianship. Before found it, it was necessary to run about thoroughly on Mira Avenue. The expert who talked to me made very pleasant impression though “all four“ for preservation of secret of adoption. Appointed survey of the apartment to March 23, but ordered to call in a day.
on March 23. Survey of the apartment. Worried because perfectly realized what impression is made by my apartment in which I practically do not live, at least, the last year. That is it is pure, but not rendered habitable and it is not cozy. Plus to it I do not transfer any dust collectors in the form of vases, napkins, statuetochek and other nonsense. In the room at least of furniture, there are only a lot of books, naked walls, apart from one carpet which is hung up on a wall for sound insulation. Made room for the child in advance, but as the children`s furniture was not yet, the room began to look even not more cozy.
Came by car for the expert from guardianship. In the apartment she rewrote furniture and household appliances. Nearly two hours, the most part about work, its and my talked. At the end of a meeting she told that she will call me when the conclusion is ready. Was surprised to my request to make the conclusion quicker.the memory blackout is farther than
A. Well I cannot remember what number were the first and second message at conference with the photo of my daughter. Though it is possible to rummage in a konfa, but, in my opinion, it is not important any more. It seems, the first was even before survey of the apartment, and the second later.
on March 31. On the advice of Alexey Rudov called Presnensky guardianship (though the conclusion was not on hands yet). There very much were delighted to my call and very much asked to come urgently to them as in hospital someone goes on leave, namely I should meet this person.
on April 1. At 8:45 I already was in Presnensky guardianship. Before me there were two persons, but on other questions. I was accepted very quickly. If I was able to compose odes, then the ode to employees of Presnensky guardianship would begin here. But I am not able therefore I will just describe process.
to me were told everything that was known at that time of the child, about the woman who gave birth to him, in detail told and drew the scheme how to reach from guardianship to hospital. Got acquainted with my papers and gave me the direction. And I went.Found
office necessary to me, the security guard saw off me to the chief physician. Gave the direction. The chief physician once again told me in brief about the child. Explained how to pass in “massage“ where to me it will be shown (it was necessary to go through the street).
Tam to me left the manager of office, read the clinical record, answered my arisen questions (by the way, again thanks to School, the manager. office in the course of conversation with me, came to a conclusion that I have a medical education, I dissuaded it from it, but once again praised myself, darling that was not too lazy to go on other end of Moscow on occupations to School for foster parents). And then the nurse took out to me my child.by
At conference many times discussed a question of that at whom “missed a bit“, and at whom is not present and as it happens. And so at me nothing “missed a bit“, to me just took out my own child, well as though you took away the child in a day nursery in the morning, and came to take away him in the evening. And the trick is farther: returned to the chief physician, told that it agrees. Reached before work, right there called guardianship, reported about the decision. As it was Friday, agreed that on Monday, April 4, I will bring all the documents to Presnensky guardianship and I will write the application.
on April 4. Since morning of a visor in guardianship of the area the ready conclusion also went to Presnensky guardianship. There the employee helped me to write the application for the child and to create a package of documents for court. The only document which me was asked to provide over the list stipulated in the government resolution No. 249 is the characteristic from work. The employee of guardianship explained that this judge always demands the characteristic.
could “do some fighting“, of course, but to me the employee of guardianship, the person taking very much to heart each destiny appearing in her hands was very nice. She explained that they have very good mutual understanding with the judge, and she would not want that there were any misunderstanding, and gave me a characteristic sample. I agreed “to get“ this document that, actually, it is possible, but took some time.
on April 7. Handed over documents in court. Process of documents acceptance by the judge and setting a date of court borrowed minutes 7 - 10, but wasted a lot of time in turn which per se did not exist, simply of people 12 - 15 were pounded in the foyer before the courtroom and tried to catch the secretary which periodically passed to and fro and to put off it documents.
on April 12. Court. To me appointed at 9:35, i.e. my business will be the second. Arrived to court at 8:45 (just left earlier not to get stuck in traffic jams). The courthouse was still closed, it was necessary to wait on the street. Doors to the courthouse opened exactly at 9:00. At 9:10 the representative of guardianship was not yet, called it on mobile, she answered that she is at herself in office and will approach to hours to 10. She answered my amazement that on Tuesdays in court there passes five-minute which, usually, extends at least for an hour. And it happened, only five-minute proceeded an hour and a half.
as a result my case began to be considered only at 11:00, I even managed to take a nap a little. At 10:00, as promised, there arrived the representative of guardianship while we waited when we are invited to the courtroom, it issued me the resolution on guardianship. Court session took place very quickly and without problems. For me my own “performance“ as I am not able was the only problem and I do not like to tell speeches. When read the decision, I even shed a few tears. Therefore, I advise, do not forget to stock up with handkerchiefs when you go to court, I forgot (though I know about myself that I like to cry on a case).
on April 13. With the resolution on guardianship I went to hospital. The manager of our office replacing the chief physician to whom I handed the resolution on guardianship dumbfounded me with the message that the child got sick (cough, cold, high temperature). At conference many wrote that in similar situations their first desire was to seize the child and to run home. If does not change me memory, then someone wrote that the child was declared the diseased if only not to give before receiving a judgment.
U me, probably owing to excessive tediousness, the first thought was: “What to do that it was correct in relation to the child?“ Here - that I once again in soul thanked organizers and teachers of School for foster parents. I just presented myself on the place of the child who is sick, to it and it is so bad, and added here still the most severe stress from change of a situation (the road, the new room, a new bed, new people, new smells etc.) . As a result I absolutely sincerely agreed to leave the child in hospital for several days. But called in hospital every day.
on April 25. Received a judgment. There was quite big turn, spent nearly an hour. Called hospital, reported that a judgment at me on hands. The manager of office told that I can take away the child tomorrow at 11:00 (today already was late as at the manager and the doctor the working day came to an end).
on April 26. We will celebrate this day as Day of a stork. At 11:00 we with the newly made grandmother already were in hospital. I signed everything that needed to be signed, received necessary papers (the birth certificate, an extract from the clinical record), listened to the last recommendations from the doctor. In end, me took out my daughter. And we went home.I will not begin to describe
of Emotion, all the same I will not be able. I can only tell that the feeling of special internal concentration which appeared when I decided to look at this child, repeatedly amplified in day when I brought the daughter home.
Ya I consider
About adaptation and miracles that our mutual adaptation ended in September, that is in four months when my daughter the first time fell asleep at me on hands, in confirmation of our complete and unconditional trust. Though in August she told the first word, and it was “mothers!“, and when she cried, called me “washing mothers!“ miracles began
A further. For a start my beloved who did not want any children (and on that he had very convincing reasons) decided that he will be my daughter a father. All such fathers!
Then we were on a visit at the Godfather of my daughter, there was some holiday. He from the very beginning was aware of an adoption and asked me on procedure. And here loudly declares that to me the alcohol was not poured as I am a nursing mother. Mute scene! I and so nothing am stronger than tea was not going to drink, but his such care and “forgetfulness“ pleased me.
Then I decided “to carry“ the mastopathy on annual survey to the mammologist. The doctor observes me many years. When I came into an office, she asked me why I did not appear long ago, and I answered that I sit in a child care leave supposedly not before was. And here, she does me ultrasonography of mammary glands, looks at the screen of the monitor and says that there are some there changes. In horror I ask that it means, and she joyfully explains to me that it is natural changes after the delivery and feedings by a breast.explained
Ya to her that did not nurse and, especially, did not give birth. And she in reply declares to me, in a brain, probably, something occurs there and, in general, our organism knows better. And I have no mastopathy, actually, as many years ago doctors also promised me: you will give rise - everything will pass.
A several months ago my massage therapist told that I have a body of the giving birth woman and that if he did not know that I adopted, never itself would guess (by the way, the child at me yet only one, earlier never gave birth).
If to me has to leave at several o`clock, I am told that my daughter always for fifteen feels minutes that I will come. And I feel in advance when she wakes up. And all say to me that it is very similar to me.
Here it at me a normal wonderful mamstvo.